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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At 39 weeks pregnant would you be happy with this?

212 replies

Cigarhands · 03/07/2020 20:10

My boyfriend has just informed me that 8 days before the due date of our son (first baby) he is going to Manchester to help his elderly Grandma move house. Manchester is around 1.5 hours from our house. I've said this is daft, and someone else needs to help, he argues he will be home within 1.5 hours if I need him, the odds are I won't go into labour at 39 weeks and for me to go from no signs whatsoever giving birth within 1.5 hours would be very unlikely.

I'm ready to tell him he's not welcome in the delivery room at this point, whatever day it may be Angry AIBU????

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 03/07/2020 23:26

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Thisismytimetoshine · 03/07/2020 23:26

Nobody suggested it was a certainty, jeez... Comprehension, people. Concentrate...

eatthepineapple · 03/07/2020 23:27

I can see it from both sides. I gave birth to my daughter a week "early" so would have potentially been when you are talking about. That being said it took 13 hours between waters breaking and giving birth, so as long as he was ready to leave as soon as you told him to come (and therefore his grandma might need a backup plan) it should be ok, especially if first baby as they tend to take longer I think. However, like you I would feel nervous about him being away and busy at that time as you just never know. I do think it would be a shame for him to not help her though just in case, as you could potentially still be pregnant for a couple of weeks after then and it will all seem silly that he didn't go and help her.

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/07/2020 23:27

I don't give a tinkers curse what you think, Sarah, so have a blast 😂

fannyanney · 03/07/2020 23:27

He's right

Alsohuman · 03/07/2020 23:29

@Cigarhands, I’m so very sorry that your thread’s gone the way it has and you feel worse than when you started it.

The chances that you and your baby will be absolutely fine are extremely high. If the absolute worst happens and you go into labour when your partner’s 90 minutes away, it’s very unlikely that he won’t get there in time.

It would be wise to have your mum or a friend on standby to take you to hospital just in case. Hopefully that won’t be necessary and everything will go just as you have planned. Enjoy your lovely baby when they arrive; seeing their face and holding them in your arms for the first time is magical. Focus on that.

1Morewineplease · 03/07/2020 23:29

Let him help his grandma.

Hairyfairy01 · 03/07/2020 23:33

Yabu. 1.5 hours away is nothing. Like others have said I was working further away than that at 39 weeks. Labour is generally long, especially for the first time.

SmileyClare · 03/07/2020 23:35

Gawd I wasn't suggesting Op asks a midwife to footle about in her cervix every few days Grin Theyd tell you to get lost!

I meant nearer the due date, it might help to ask your midwife (on your routine check) if she thinks the birth is imminent. I was just mentioning some signs she would use as a guide such as head engaged, soft cervix and so on. That would be a signal to reconsider immediate plans.

Grandmi · 03/07/2020 23:37

Another Emma...exactly you cannot predict labour and how long it will last ...so life has to go on 🙄

Twizbe · 03/07/2020 23:41

I had my son (first baby) at 38 weeks and 8 days before my due date. I had a very quick labour. If my husband was 1.5 hours away when I went into labour we would have been in trouble.

A friend of mine, her husband went away for work when she was near her due date. He was 2 hours away.

She was home alone with a dog and went into labour. She phoned him and all seemed fine, she ran a bath and as she got in her water went. Then she had a sudden placental abruption. She was on the phone to the midwives and an ambulance was called as she was bleeding heavily alone in her bathroom. Her husband made it home to see his wife being loaded into an ambulance. She had a general and a c section and thankfully both her and baby survived. He really could have lost them both.

Second baby - he didn't leave her side in the last few weeks just in case she went into labour before the planned section.

You're not being unreasonable to want him to stay nearby

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/07/2020 23:43

How would her husband being by her side have prevented that?

MrsPotatoHeadsSheeWee · 03/07/2020 23:47

All these PPs saying that life goes on and OP can't have her DP/DH near by all the time are wrong.

What better reason to slow down and stay near than the impending arrival of a baby?

Really I think PPs just like the opportunity to put a pregnant woman in her place and remind her that she should be at the bottom of every priority list.

OP, stand your ground on this.

Lillygolightly · 03/07/2020 23:50

Yeah I wouldn’t be too concerned with 1.5 hour journey. My DH worked over an hour away every day when I was pregnant with my first. 10 days before my due date he was in another country, THAT I definitely was not happy about! I did warn him that if I went in labour while he was gone, not to bother coming back because I would be so mad I wouldn’t want to see him!! Fortunately for him DD1 saved his bacon by holding on for an extra 4 days, bloody smug arse DH said told ya, I was not impressed HmmEnvy

mellowww · 03/07/2020 23:59

Let him help his grandma. If something happens he'll have time to get back. And it's not the due date.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 03/07/2020 23:59

If this reassures you at all..
When my mum went into labour with me, one of the other women on the ward’s husband was on business in Washington DC when her labour started, they managed to get him to the airport, on a flight back to Heathrow, and still to the hospital in time for the birth! (That said my own dad was in the pub on his lunch break, and apparently got short shift when he asked if he could finish his game of pool 😂)
Good luck with the birth whenever it happens op Flowers

SmileyClare · 04/07/2020 00:06

When I was pregnant some women seemed to delight in telling me horror stories about their own birth. It didn't help, just made me overly anxious and dreading labour. I don't think stories about women bleeding to death in baths is helping an Op who is already in a tizzy about it.

DontStandSoClose · 04/07/2020 00:10

That was my daily commute door to door via train, I worked until just over 38 weeks, gave birth at 39 weeks exactly. I think a lot of people’s husbands will have a commute to work of a similar distance, my husband’s was over an hour at his previous job. When I went into labour with my second he actually went to work for a few hours when my contractions had already started. It isn’t generally like in a movie where waters explode and 30 seconds later she’s screaming for 10 seconds and then a baby is born. Mine took 24 hours and 16 hours from realising things were starting to baby arriving.

Twizbe · 04/07/2020 06:59

@Thisismytimetoshine

How would her husband being by her side have prevented that?
It wouldn't have prevented it, but she would not have been alone and scared waiting for help. To this day he feels incredibly guilty that he went
Quarantimespringclean · 04/07/2020 07:23

I agree with most PP that 90 minutes away is nothing. We live in a London suburb ‘only’ 12 miles from my husbands job in the City. Theoretically he can leave the office and be home within the hour but IRL allowing for walking 15 minutes at either end, waiting for a train and then cancellations/delays etc it can easily take him well over 90 minutes door to door. He still had to go to work when I was due and happily made it home every time.

Try not to worry too much. Statistically not many births happen as fast as some of the horror stories on here. Flowers

AnotherEmma · 04/07/2020 07:40

"How would her husband being by her side have prevented that?"
Him being there wouldn't have prevented it but it would have meant the woman not having to go through it alone. She would have had him there for support through a stressful experience from the very beginning.

"Really I think PPs just like the opportunity to put a pregnant woman in her place and remind her that she should be at the bottom of every priority list."

Yep.

BluebellForest836 · 04/07/2020 07:44

Yabu. It’s 1.5hours, grow up.

Original poster
Cigarhands · 04/07/2020 07:55

@BluebellForest836 hopefully I will when baby comes Grin

OP posts:
Sailingblue · 04/07/2020 08:03

I’m on the fence with this- I can get while your stressing but you are being a bit unreasonable. My husband was an hour away every day for work so 1h30 isn’t unusual and he is helping his grandmother. If he was going to be pub, I’d be unimpressed but I think he’s not being unreasonable. But, if you have any twinges, get him back (see my second birth bit).

1st birth- had premature rupture of my waters. I had to go in but they didn’t want to see me immediately and booked me in for a few hours later. 3 days later baby came.

2nd birth I didn’t realise how far into labour I was given how long no.1 was. Husband was at work and I rang him to say I was having twinges so things might be starting. I sounded so unbothered, he didn’t think anything was happening said he was going to finish a few bits off and then head home and he was like do you want me to pick up the toddler from nursery like it was a favour. He did bedtime but I did her story while I was contracting. Not long after my eldest was asleep, I (in hindsight) hit transition, vomiting everywhere and my waters broke. We then had a panic as grandparents weren’t there yet (they had fortunately ignored my husband when he said, could they come for the morning so weren’t far) and a mad dash to the hospital where we weren’t far off having a car park baby.

whoknowswhichwayisup · 04/07/2020 08:15

My H was working that far away until I went in to labour- which was two weeks overdue and the actual labour took 76 hours. I wouldn't worry too much!