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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At 39 weeks pregnant would you be happy with this?

212 replies

Cigarhands · 03/07/2020 20:10

My boyfriend has just informed me that 8 days before the due date of our son (first baby) he is going to Manchester to help his elderly Grandma move house. Manchester is around 1.5 hours from our house. I've said this is daft, and someone else needs to help, he argues he will be home within 1.5 hours if I need him, the odds are I won't go into labour at 39 weeks and for me to go from no signs whatsoever giving birth within 1.5 hours would be very unlikely.

I'm ready to tell him he's not welcome in the delivery room at this point, whatever day it may be Angry AIBU????

OP posts:
NC4Now · 03/07/2020 20:29

My children’s dad worked in Manchester when I was pregnant. It was also 1.5 hours away. I think it’s fine.

Original poster
Cigarhands · 03/07/2020 20:30

Sorry I should of been more clear to a couple of PPs I would always let him in the delivery room that was my attempt at sarcasm, obviously didnt translate correctly.

I am glad to see the majority is YABU, I did think it was hugely down to hormones (plus feeling very nervous about giving birth) that I felt like this and it seems I'm right.

OP posts:
20viona · 03/07/2020 20:30

YABU

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/07/2020 20:33

I thought you were going to say he's going on a stag do abroad or something. Yabvu and over dramatic. You will probably be in labour for a while before the even take you into hospital. With my first I was at home for over 24 hours in labour.

AnotherEmma · 03/07/2020 20:35

It's pissing off that people are saying "YABU because my labour took hours".

Well your labour has fuck all to do with it. Every woman and every birth is different.

The statistics suggest that her labour is likely to be long but it is actually possible to have a fast labour even for a first baby.

AnnaSW1 · 03/07/2020 20:37

It's fine.

MsVestibule · 03/07/2020 20:38

@Cigarhands, it's completely understandable to feel very nervous about giving birth and I do know why you feel you want him close by at all times 'just in case'. But as long as you know he'll be back as soon as possible, you'll be fine.

Good luck with the birth and your new baba Smile.

Zoecarter · 03/07/2020 20:39

What if you have allready give birth?? I had a cesection at 38 weeks. My partners mum and dad expected my husband to leave me when the baby was 5 days old to look after his mum (who was disabled) so his dad could stay away with work. They are both dead now but it completely destroyed my relationship with them.

I said I wasn’t happy with It and they couldn’t give a fuck I remember being in tears over it with my husband. We ended up haveing to make at 80 mile each way trip to sort out his mum (over 3 hrs when I was 5days out of having a c section) she was like don’t worry I won’t tell your dad you arnt staying over I was like so tell him this
Is absolutely disgusting I am still angry now

BankofNook · 03/07/2020 20:40

Yes, some first labours have spontaneously and earlier than 40wks but statistically the majority of first labours do not occur at 39wks and do not happen within the space of 1-2 hours. Odds are that OP will be one of the majority and there will be minimal risk involved in her OH being a 1.5 hour drive away, which as others have pointed out is more or less commuting distance if he was at work rather than his grandmas.

WheresMyMilk · 03/07/2020 20:40

I think YANBU actually OP. I agree it is unlikely you will go into labour that day, but it could happen and why take the risk? Also yes maybe your labour would take a long time and he would be back. Maybe not. But also maybe your waters go and there’s meconium, or some other complication. If you’re contracting you can’t drive yourself to hospital, but even if you’ve a back up for that you’ll want him there for support.

People whose partners are commuting that far away is totally different because that cannot be helped - this can be, he’s choosing to go. The caveat is what will happen with his grandma if he doesn’t go.

SussexBonfireViking · 03/07/2020 20:41

you should be fine an hour and a half away - and you are more likely to be late than early on DC1

My first was 3hr 45 mins and my second was 1hr 27mins, so he would have made it for the first one

1990shopefulftm · 03/07/2020 20:41

Has his grandma been following social distancing strictly? Just considering a different angle incase he has to self isolate and you would then have to have a different birth partner.

Qwicky · 03/07/2020 20:42

I would probably have been apprehensive in your shoes, you never know how your first is going to go but he's not really that far away. It's not reason enough to keep him home.

notheragain4 · 03/07/2020 20:42

Yes I'd have been very happy for my DH to help a family member like that. He's not going to the other end of the country. My DH lived at work 4 hours away from me when we had DS1, even though I was only in labour about 4 hours he still made the birth.

ShyTown · 03/07/2020 20:43

It’s only 1 day and he’s only 1.5 hours away. Most men don’t sit at home from the moment their partner gets to 37 weeks- if like a lot of people he had a 1.5 hour commute to work then he’d presumably continue to go in. So you are being a little bit unreasonable. However, I’d worry that if you do have the baby early then he’d have to let Grandma down, possibly at very short notice, so it might be sensible for her to make alternative arrangements for help with moving.

BankofNook · 03/07/2020 20:43

If you really didn't want him to be away then you could always go with him, stick your hospital bag and maternity notes in the boot of the car just in case and then if by some chance you did go into labour you'd have him there.

pandafunfactory · 03/07/2020 20:44

It's fine. Enjoy the peace whilst he's out of the way.

changeofname890 · 03/07/2020 20:44

My DH went to Begas on a lads holiday for a week when I was 36wks with my 3rd leaving me with a 2 and a 5 yr old! 1.5hrs away is fine x

changeofname890 · 03/07/2020 20:45

Or Vegas even 🤦🏻‍♀️

Goosefoot · 03/07/2020 20:46

YABU. This should be fine.

There are never guarantees, someone at work in the same town could be held up for two hours and miss something important.

It's very unlikely you'll only be in labour 1.5 hours, and you often have a pretty good idea ahead of time that labour is coming on, especially with a first baby. On the off chance it is so quick, it would be fine too.

Rosebel · 03/07/2020 20:47

A
Actually I don't think you are being unreasonable (\but I gave birth 2 weeks ago so my hormones may be playing a part). I had to have an emergency c section at 37 weeks. I had one planned for 39 weeks but they had to deliver early. No warning, it was done with about 2 hours notice.
However my pregnancy was high risk so if you're isn't then anything like that is highly unlikely. If there is someone else to help then they should. If there isn't it's more difficult. I probably wouldn't have stopped my husband going but I'd be unhappy.
Just make sure your phone's are fully charged and he's in contact at all times. I assume he's willing to drop everything and come home if need be.
(If he does go use,it as an excuse to put your feet up and watch whatever you want).

Lockdownfatigue · 03/07/2020 20:47

Sorry, YABU. Is he not allowed to go anywhere from 37 weeks? There will always be stories of dramatic fast labours but that is highly unlikely.

hardboiledeggs · 03/07/2020 20:48

YABU

Lockdownfatigue · 03/07/2020 20:48

Like someone else said you could always go with him.

ChanklyBore · 03/07/2020 20:49

My DH was one and a half hours away when I went into labour with my first baby. Well, a bit over an hour away really but it took me half an hour to decide it was really truly definitely labour and get hold of him, because he drives for a living and had his phone off. He dropped everything, drove straight back, and managed to arrive in time for the birth, with a few minutes to spare. I think he drove quite fast.

I would still be fine with it in your shoes OP.

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