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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just can't

194 replies

Notupforit · 27/06/2020 19:06

I posted a few days ago about not wanting to go to a waterpark for my sister's birthday because I hate my post-baby body. We ended up going and had a nice time - except that I look back at all the photos and I look so disgusting that I just want to cry. I've realised that my breasts are by far the biggest problem. They're huge and saggy and I HATE them. I've attached a picture that my husband (who is also, apparently, the world's most incompetent photographer) took on the day so you can see what I mean. Believe it or not, I actually have a waist underneath the giant sagging balls of fat hanging off my body.
Now my husband has arranged for us to see his best friend and his fiancée tomorrow. She's obviously gorgeous and slim. They're very friendly but every single time we see them, he comments on my weight. He's very into fitness so he's not really even speaking from an aesthetic perspective and he'd say exactly the same thing to men and women so it's nothing perverted or sexual. In the context, he's definitely not being out of line or rude. It just means that I know he'll acknowledge and notice how fat and hideous I look.
I don't want anyone to see me but I can't just never leave the house. I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 27/06/2020 19:09

Well I looked at you and thought gorgeous! Look at those ! And I'm not even gay.

I am quite large and bravissimo really made a difference. They do great swimsuits too.

Kaheki · 27/06/2020 19:11

You need an underwired swim costume. As pp said bravissimo do some good ones.

AriadnesFilament · 27/06/2020 19:11

I’d kill for your figure.

And your husband’s best friend......well........

BillywigSting · 27/06/2020 19:12

You look fine op.

Your husband's friend sounds like a twat.

Anoisagusaris · 27/06/2020 19:12

You look gorgeous. Your breasts are large but they don’t look saggy. I bet in a proper bra rather than a swimsuit they look fabulous!

I would love your body - you are much thinner than I am.

CluelessBaker · 27/06/2020 19:12

Well I actually think you look gorgeous in that photo, but please don’t feel you have to go and hang out with this arsehole tomorrow - there is no non-rude way to comment on a person’s weight, full stop.

You honestly have a lovely figure but you could comfortably lose well over 150lb by cutting rude tossers like your husband’s friend out of your life.

Cutangle · 27/06/2020 19:13

I think it’s your self image you need to work at. Not your body. You are stunning. My chest is 32KK and I’m a 12/14. It’s fine. Your husbands best mate sound like a rude twat. It’s got bugger all to do with him.

mingetout · 27/06/2020 19:14

Seriously you look great!

Crunchymum · 27/06/2020 19:14

What does this man say about your weight?

Spied · 27/06/2020 19:15

So, what does your husband say when his pal comments on your weight?

Elllicam · 27/06/2020 19:15

I also think you look great in that photo.

TheGoldenChild · 27/06/2020 19:16

I was wondering where I was meant to be looking. You actually have a great hourglass figure that women would kill for!!
Embrace your body, you look great! 🤩

Anoisagusaris · 27/06/2020 19:16

Your husband’s friend is a prick by the way.

Original poster
Notupforit · 27/06/2020 19:16

Thanks everyone - this is the most supportive response I've seen on netmums haha. I've tried underwired swimwear but they seem to just cut in absolutely everywhere and because of how they're sized they seem to be massive everywhere if they fit my bust at all. I'm very short so need to wear petite or it hangs off me weirdly.
Regarding my husband's friend, I was previously an athlete so we pretty openly discussed weight and diet and protein content and body fat percentage etc. It never bothered me before I got fat so he's really not being unreasonable, I'm the one who's changed.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/06/2020 19:17

Fishing for compliments. I'm not throwing you any bouquets. You don't need them. If you have the courage to upload a photo to a world wide site you're not lacking in confidence one little bit.

Heronwatcher · 27/06/2020 19:17

Look, you have got to get over it or do something about it. Really you look absolutely fine, great. Yes you don’t look like a contestant from love island but no one actually does. You could definitely look into other swimming costumes and bras, as that one is doing nothing in terms of support. I agree try bravissimo. You could also have breast reduction surgery but it’s a slippery slope and you may then just find something else which bothers you. But really life is far too short, if you are healthy, have healthy kids and a decent relationship then you need to try to get past this and try to enjoy life.

CallMeThePooPatrol · 27/06/2020 19:17

I think you look incredible! But I know 1000 people could tell you that & it doesn’t necessarily help change your view on yourself.

I would definitely recommend bravissimo to be properly measured & spend some money on quality underwear. It will help make you realise how fab you look

CheshireChav · 27/06/2020 19:18

You look fabulous, seriously, you have smooth, even, skin ... appreciate it! You'd look amazing in a bikini with an underwired top

skippy67 · 27/06/2020 19:18

You look fine. Just go tomorrow, and if your husband's friend says anything about your weight, just tell him to wind his neck in.

welcometohell · 27/06/2020 19:20

You look bloody lovely, I'd kill for your figure! Why on earth is your DH letting his twat of a mate make comments about your weight?? Being into fitness is no excuse and the fact that he says the same to men doesn't make it any better- he shouldn't be commenting on anyone's body!

Bluntness100 · 27/06/2020 19:20

To be fair unless you’ve body dysmorphia I’m wondering if you’re fishing for compliments op too. Clearly you’re not fat or hideous. So either this is a mental health thing or it’s a mental health thing.

Crunchymum · 27/06/2020 19:22

Urm this isn't Netmums.

Have you posted there too?

welcometohell · 27/06/2020 19:22

Sorry, cross post with your update. But I still think your DH's mate should be sensitive enough to realise that women who've had babies don't necessarily feel comfortable talking about their weight, even if they were super-fit pre-DC and if he starts then your DH needs to shut it down!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 27/06/2020 19:22

You look fine in the photo but I think you could choose a swimsuit that accentuates your figure better and makes an asset of your bust.

But I will acknowledge that you don't love it, so all the people on here giving you their opinion that you look good may not help. Are your boobs much bigger since having a baby? If you are still breastfeeding they will be fuller and will often go down a lot when you stop, so if you can live with it for a while as temporary, it should get better.

If it's that things feel saggier, a bit of toning & exercise can help? I know it doesn't help you immediately/tomorrow, but sometimes knowing you can do something to improve it in future can cheer you up.

summerfruitsrainbow · 27/06/2020 19:23

Oh my lovely. You have a beautiful body. You should be proud of it! Stretch marks and saggy boobs!! Your body done an amazing thing growing a baby. Producing milk full of nutrition for your baby.

Own your figure! I'd kill for boobies like that!! I'm a size 12/14 with a c section pouch and teeny boobs but huge hips and no ass!!!!

And you know what? I'm proud of it. I'm happy just the way I am. Once you accept yourself you'll find you'll be happier

Don't be so hard on yourself

Xxx