Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just can't

194 replies

Notupforit · 27/06/2020 19:06

I posted a few days ago about not wanting to go to a waterpark for my sister's birthday because I hate my post-baby body. We ended up going and had a nice time - except that I look back at all the photos and I look so disgusting that I just want to cry. I've realised that my breasts are by far the biggest problem. They're huge and saggy and I HATE them. I've attached a picture that my husband (who is also, apparently, the world's most incompetent photographer) took on the day so you can see what I mean. Believe it or not, I actually have a waist underneath the giant sagging balls of fat hanging off my body.
Now my husband has arranged for us to see his best friend and his fiancée tomorrow. She's obviously gorgeous and slim. They're very friendly but every single time we see them, he comments on my weight. He's very into fitness so he's not really even speaking from an aesthetic perspective and he'd say exactly the same thing to men and women so it's nothing perverted or sexual. In the context, he's definitely not being out of line or rude. It just means that I know he'll acknowledge and notice how fat and hideous I look.
I don't want anyone to see me but I can't just never leave the house. I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
magicmallow · 27/06/2020 20:49

It's a pretty low cut swimming costume, maybe you should go for something less low cut if you're so worried about it? I'm busty like you and avoid it myself and go for a higher cut around the boob area. I think you look fine personally but less boob on show if you're uncomfortable, plus underwired will really help.

HathorX · 27/06/2020 20:53

Your body is fab. Try a swimsuit with much broader straps and an internal bra that has hooks and eyes at the back. A good swimsuit won't dig in.

Bravissimo has a great one piece called Santorini, would look great on you I think

xanthippe8 · 27/06/2020 20:54

I haven't read the full thread but would suggest that you just need a better swimming costume, For Luna do some gorgeous ones, a bit pricey, but so worth it. (Sorry if loads of pp's have already said the same).

changedmynam3 · 27/06/2020 20:55

Omg people would kill for your breasts!! Love your swimsuit! Honestly a costume tailored for big breasts will make such a difference! Gorgeous!

MagnoliaJustice · 27/06/2020 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BobFleming · 27/06/2020 21:01

Omg people would kill for your breasts!!

A compliment is one thing but the OP has said her breasts are 'huge and saggy'. I think it's a bit patronising and disingenuous to say this.

Emma330912 · 27/06/2020 21:02

Bravissimo are really good, I get mine off ebay, they fit great & last for ages!

JinglingHellsBells · 27/06/2020 21:04

Your DHs friend is rude.

Look, you look okay but I can see that long term those boobs might give you backache and real health issues.

If they do you can get breast reduction on the NHS.

If you are really uncomfortable, see your dr or fund a boob job.

You look okay but the weight of your boobs must be very uncomfortable.

Ishihtzuknot · 27/06/2020 21:08

You look fine op don’t put yourself down! I know it’s hard when there’s tiny size 6 ladies around, but you have a woman’s body that carried your child you should be proud of it. If anyone comments they’re just jealous so ignore them, it’s all about body confidence so enjoy yourself and forget how you look.

randomer · 27/06/2020 21:09

"Everytime we see them I comment on his tiny penis"

Maybe mix it up a little.

What a complete idiot.

The photo isn't flattering, invest in some nice underwear and a nice swimsuit.

Mooballs · 27/06/2020 21:09

You look good but the swimsuit is unflattering. That is the issue, not you. Lots of good recommendations on here. I am 32gg so wear a bikini for that size which gives uplift etc.

randomer · 27/06/2020 21:10

Also for the love of God, haven't we moved on one iota from this ghastly comparison and obsession with size of women.

walchesterweasel · 27/06/2020 21:10

I'm sorry , pressed YANBU in error , you look great

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/06/2020 21:12

You've had a life and body changing experience, any "expert" on health and fitness would know this.

that he doesnt makes him an arse.

You need to be kinder to yourself, your body changed in order to grow and nuture a new human.

FWIW I bought myself a bikini for the first time in over 30 years the other day. I think I look awful in it but I am riding on my sisters confidence in me!

jessstan2 · 27/06/2020 21:12

You look fabulous! Many would envy your big shelf, don't worry about it. If you are not long post baby you'll shrink in time anyway.

randomer · 27/06/2020 21:13

You just need to lose weight all over and get a more flattering/supportive swimsuit

Kunt, you are quite right. Please post a photo of yourself, so we can all see where we are going wrong.

Maduixa · 27/06/2020 21:14

You look fine, your breasts look fine, your swimming costume looks a bit shilpit. I am not a fan of underwired swimwear, but I think you might be happier with a tank-style maillot, cut much higher on the top and cut high around the legs, with a functional/athletic (and also incidentally suck-it-in) fabric blend like 80% polyamide/20% elastane. Try Speedo, just to get an idea of what's available.

In the context, he's definitely not being out of line or rude. It just means that I know he'll acknowledge and notice how fat and hideous I look.

Do you want his help/advice? If so, ask for it - maybe even message him and say you'd like to discreetly chat about a new fitness plan. If not, shut him down - if it comes up, just say you're working on getting back into shape post-baby and you're happy with your current plan. And then firmly change the subject.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/06/2020 21:17

What kind of situation exists where a man comments on a woman's body in a derogatory way but isn't being rude? He's an arsehole and you both have every right to tell him to shut his wanky mouth and fuck off with his patronising pseudo-health bullshit. Or send it back - "your hair's looking ever so thin, thought about hair transplants yet", "your penis bulge looks much smaller, you're probably going to need an enlargement before long", "men who comment on other women's bodies without being asked are often terrified of their own lack of sexual prowess and seeking to demean others in an attempt to mask their own insecurities, do we think that's the route you're going down"?

Your body is your concern. Anyone offering faux-advice about my body would be told in no uncertain terms to shove it up their arse and be cut out from my life immediately. Why spend time with anyone who is such a dick?

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 27/06/2020 21:18

@Bumpsadaisie

Well I looked at you and thought gorgeous! Look at those ! And I'm not even gay.

I am quite large and bravissimo really made a difference. They do great swimsuits too.

yep
cantfixstupid · 27/06/2020 21:20

You need to tell this guy straight. Okay, so you were/are an athlete, well at the moment you're not, you're a mum. He hasn't been through pregnancy and childbirth and therefore his body won't have changed. If he so much as mentions your weight I really would want to wipe the floor with him. And also, he's no friend either if he does that.

Quartz2208 · 27/06/2020 21:21

I think you are struggling with how pregnancy changes your body not much you can do it just does.

And I get the impression that you too used to be the same as your husbands friend and you are now struggling too.

Be kind to yourself - your body takes 9 months to change it doesnt bounce back instantly.

I don't want anyone to see me but I can't just never leave the house.

With the greatest respect no one cares - you look perfectly normal and like a lot of other women especially those with children

groundrightdown · 27/06/2020 21:24

I'd like to join the PPs who would kill for your figure. But there certainly is better swimwear out there. Along with previous suggestions I've seen high neck halter style swimsuits. Something like that might suit because it would completely cover your boobs.

Meantime this is myswimsuit. (That's not me in it obviously!!) So I understand having low (no) body confidence.

I just can't
DishingOutDone · 27/06/2020 21:24

so many things going on here, its like when a slim girl says oooh I'm sooooo fat I had an APPLE this morning; either you have a very high opinion of yourself and want us to reinforce or you have terribly low self esteem hence you defend some wanker who talks about your body whilst presumably your husband sits there and soaks it all up.

MrsJBaptiste · 27/06/2020 21:27

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

Fishing for compliments. I'm not throwing you any bouquets. You don't need them. If you have the courage to upload a photo to a world wide site you're not lacking in confidence one little bit.
Completely agree with @Awwlookatmybabyspider

And the husband's friends isn't a twat. If they're used fo discussing health, weight, diet, etc. then that's what they're doing. If he comments on the OP's weight then he isn't being a dick, it's just their usual conversation.

TheLadyAnneNeville · 27/06/2020 21:27

I think you look amazing. You have no worries, whatsoever.

Swipe left for the next trending thread