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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you lend a large sum of money to somebody?

213 replies

Swirlyceiling · 22/06/2020 22:20

As in 2 or 3 grand upwards.

To me, this is a lot of money. I think there is only 1 person I'd lend this to. 2 if they were absolutely desperate.

I've had to chase people for small sums or been left feeling awkward after I have done something kind to try and help somebody out of a tight spot, so I don't like lending people money any more. Not that I have lots to spare anyway.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way or if I'm just tight?

OP posts:
romdowa · 23/06/2020 05:44

Nope. I've had such bad experiences lending people money that it has completely put me off. There is nothing worse having to chase people for what they owe you. I think if someone is so bad with money that they need to borrow, then they are going to also struggle to repay.
I wouldn't even let anyone know how much money I have, just to avoid this issue 😂

mrbob · 23/06/2020 05:54

Yes to direct family and have always got it back but tbh would happily just give it to them rather than loan it so that makes it easy.

A close friend lent me $50k once very briefly as a sort of bridging loan for a week when I bought a house and I obviously paid it back with extra straight away and I would have done the same for him no question.

I am not sure there is anyone else I would lend that kind of money to

seenbeensbean · 23/06/2020 06:09

No, never.

Ohffs66 · 23/06/2020 06:26

Nope. I lent a friend £800 several years ago as he'd got himself into a bit of a mess financially. We agreed he'd pay me back £100 a month. Excuses started straight away....after he'd had 2 foreign holidays and bought himself a new expensive bike I blew my top and got it all back within a couple of months. Never again!

ShebaShimmyShake · 23/06/2020 06:31

Only if I could afford to lose it and it wouldn't destroy the relationship if I did.

AnimalCrossing · 23/06/2020 06:41

No my friend did and he got called all the names under the sun when he gently tried to discus repayment. Apparently he’s a bully for wanting his money back etc it’s been 2 years and he’ only asked if they could draw up a repayment scheme,

wafflyversatile · 23/06/2020 06:43

As others have said only if I could afford to lose it.

SquigglePigs · 23/06/2020 06:46

Definitely depends on the person. We've lent similar amounts to DSIL and a very close friend. Other people perhaps not. Agree with people above that you should only lend what you can afford to lose. Not necessarily because of ill intent from the recipient but circumstances can get in the way sometimes.

Boomclaps · 23/06/2020 06:51

In my family, I think we’d all do this. Over the years I lent my sister 2k for a move. I lent mum and dad 2k for a boiler. Mum and dad lent me 1200 for a car. I lent my sister 700 for car repairs, she lent me 400 for baby bits.
Everyone pays it all back

Ragwort · 23/06/2020 06:55

I'd be very reluctant as have done this twice (obviously didn't learn our lesson Grin) and it was not repaid in both cases. To some extent we could 'afford' to lose it and it has not impacted our lifestyle but it is a horrible feeling to be taken advantage of ... one person we just don't see any more but the other is a family member and it has really soured our relationship.

Nacreous · 23/06/2020 06:56

I lent £200 when I was a student, which was a lot of money to me (6 weeks of spending after rent) but not so much I'd have been stuck if it wasn't paid back. I agreed a payment plan up front and treated it as written off from when I lent it. But I got every penny back on time.

Otherwise I'd consider a "bridging" type loan for if there were cash flow issues e.g. during a house purchase where someone might be a grand or so short but it's just waiting for a rental deposit back. And only with one or two sets of friends and my family who I trust totally.

MrsAbigail · 23/06/2020 06:56

Only to close family and only if they were desperate

Tsarboretum · 23/06/2020 07:00

I don't lend any amount of money, ever.

Alittleshortforaspacepooper · 23/06/2020 07:04

No way.

If it was my mother asking I would give it and not expect it back. If it was my DC I would lend it and not expect it back (gotta love those kids lol).

Wallywobbles · 23/06/2020 07:10

When I see these issues coming, I try to have a conversation before I'm asked, along the lines of, I will help any way I can but do not ask me for money.

I've leant before and had to get the police involved to get it back. He paid me back in change and short. So of course I didn't have time to count it. The same guy whose son stole using my paypal to order stuff for himself and girlfriend. He had the account details to bid on a computer for me from eBay.

Rewis · 23/06/2020 07:11

I would loan to a few people. Those people would help me. Then I would also loan to a few more people with appropriate paperwork in place

BlueJava · 23/06/2020 07:18

I would only lend it if I could afford to not get it back.

violetscone · 23/06/2020 07:20

My reason for saying no is partly because I’m in debt myself and partly because I think this kind of thing ruins relationships - I’ve seen it happen.

I’ve only ever loaned money I’m willing to lose.

If someone asked, I would do everything to help them access money eg apply for local grants.

SteelyPanther · 23/06/2020 07:23

Absolutely not.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

TheresABearInThere · 23/06/2020 07:24

No, only lend money if you don’t want it back or don’t care if the relationship between you sours.

Nottherealslimshady · 23/06/2020 07:24

I have to family when they needed it but I'm not sure I got it all back, I felt comfortable that they'd tried but we can afford it and they needed it. Theres no one outside my family that I'd lend to.

catfeets · 23/06/2020 07:29

I lent a friend £3k a few years ago - I said never again as it took way too long to get it back. I only got it back because I was going through a divorce and was struggling to pay my bills. Luckily his business had picked up enough to pay me back when I needed it.

I then made the mistake of lending £2.5k to my then boyfriend a couple of years later thinking it was different to my previous lending to a friend. The next day I found out he'd been messaging other women behind my back. The money had been used to pay off debts so I couldn't get it back until he'd earned enough to repay it. I had to hound him and threaten him with court to make sure he paid me back ASAP but he paid me back quicker than expected in the end.

I won't be lending anyone money ever again. I would never borrow money from anyone either.

Ragwort · 23/06/2020 07:37

MrsAbigail that's exactly what we did ... never saw the money again and not because they were really struggling and couldn't afford it to pay it back .... found the money for a designer dog without any problem Hmm.

Proudboomer · 23/06/2020 07:37

30 years ago I lent a friend £100 I never got a penny of it back and so since then I have never lent a friend money again.
A Family members I have but would have given it as a gift but they would only take the money if it was a loan which they paid back with a additional sum they decided on as interest.

Normalmumandwife · 23/06/2020 07:54

A friend of mine was asked to help an aunt financially. Several thousand £. When she considered it she asked for how long before repaying....aunt was shocked and said " sorry you don't understand, I'm asking for help, not a loan". Ie she wanted a gift. Turns out she had also fleeced my friends mum as well which all came out when she died penniless despite having had decent savings etc.

I would refuse unless close family like a child.