Would you lend a large sum of money to somebody?

[Swirlyceiling]

As in 2 or 3 grand upwards.

To me, this is a lot of money. I think there is only 1 person I'd lend this to. 2 if they were absolutely desperate.

I've had to chase people for small sums or been left feeling awkward after I have done something kind to try and help somebody out of a tight spot, so I don't like lending people money any more. Not that I have lots to spare anyway.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way or if I'm just tight?

[RufustheRowlingReindeer]

I lent a friend 2k and a relative 3k

We knew we would get the 3k back but understood that it would take years as if the worst happened we could get it out of small inheritance

The 2k we lost completely as friend died and her relatives didnt know we’d lent it and obviously we couldn’t say we’d lent it

Worst thing is that it was my friend and relation and dh’s money

We did lend someone a lot of money for a week to cover a mortgage snaffu, but this came straight back as soon as it was cleared

[kleew1]

I lent one of my closest friends money over time it creeped up to £2000 for one thing or another. She drove a fancy car, had blow drys, nails done etc but I had to chase her every month. Completely ruined our friendship and we are so distant now. Never again.

[Biker47]

Only person I'd lend money to would be my partner, anybody else, no.

[CarlottaValdez]

I lent my parents 20k as a sort of bridging loan when they bought a house. They paid it back a couple of weeks later.

I’ve actually been thinking about this recently in relation to a very good friend. She’s had a run of totally shit luck (single mum, child with SEN who she can’t get into school, signed off work herself). I don’t think she’d ever ask but I’ve got some money set aside in case it looks dire with her housing and she needs an emergency loan. There are about 3 people I’d do this for I think plus my brothers.

[BadLad]

My parents or wife can borrow as much as they need / I've got.

Friends, small amounts, up to about a hundred I'd lend. If it was a case of forgotten wallet on a night out, I'd expect it back. If they were in deep financial shit, I'd tell them not to worry about paying it back.

[Sceptre86]

I would lend to my parents because I know they would pay me back, same for my brother and youngest sister. I would not lend to my dh or middle sister as I would have to chase them for the money. Only lend what you can afford to lose.

[WindsorBlues]

Only to my parents or siblings. Years ago my DB got into £5000 worth of debt with loan sharks amd pay day loans, it was a really bad situation. We all clubbed together and paid it off, in return he worked every overtime shift going and he handed over his bank card to me and I controlled his money for six months, until the debt was paid.

We sat down together every week and logged every outgoing on a spreadsheet and taught him money management.

[VesperLynne]

Years ago I lent a friend £500 which was all I had in my savings account and despite all appeals she never paid me back. This left me in shit street when I needed a deposit for a flat and I had to move back home with my long suffering parents. I kept my hand firmly on my wallet after that.

[WindsorBlues]

Not quite the same as lending but my cousin found out we’d been viewing houses to buy, so made the connection that we must have some money for a deposit. She called to see me that night and gave me a sob story about how having only one car the family was such a hardship and she would be grateful if I could co-sign on a loan so she could get her own car instead of having to share with her DH. I politely declined, and explained that I couldn’t afford a car for myself, even though I’d passed my test so I wouldn’t feel comfortable co-signing on a loan for someone else to have one.

She stormed out in a rage and finally got another family member to co-sign for her. A month or so after she got he car she came into a bit of money unexpectedly treated herself a brand new car outright and promptly left the other car outside the co-signers house and told them to deal with it.

[Bluegrasstrail]

We lent 5k to a very close lifelong friend for 2 weeks as a bridge between paying for their new house and payday. They are a high earner but had a gap between savings and solicitors fees etc.

Three months later we only have part of the money back but we've seen plenty of photos of all the fun extras they've bought for their new house like the £600 BBQ.

We will get the entire amount back soon but the situation was obviously misrepresented and they've been using our money as an interest free loan.

We will never lend again like this.

[shinyredbus]

To my immediate family - absolutely. I wouldn’t expect it back either. Friend? I only have one I would trust to return it.

[Sh05]

It depends on the person and circumstances. We have loaned 4k to two different people in the past. One paid back as a lump-sum within the timeframe we had fixed ( as per the conditions we set) and the other didn't and is paying back in smaller amounts whereas second person has a better income so we didn't expect it back in dribs and drabs.
Both times we agreed on a timeframe and stipulated that we wanted it back in full.
I won't be so ready to lend to person 2 again in a hurry.

[Lola001]

I would lend to my siblings my parents and my husbands sister and parents if need be, but I would in my head whilst telling them its strictly a loan consider it a gift so it wouldn't ruin a relationship if I wasn't to get it back, but if I didn't get it back it wouldn't ever happen again.

[mrsBtheparker]

Only lend what you can afford to lose used to be the maxim.

[OldOakTreeRibbon]

It would depend on who it was and what for, but probably no after lending a smaller sum and then the borrower was indignant when I gently asked when I would be repaid (later found out from others that they had also “loaned” similar sums and not been repaid).

In my book if you’ve made the effort to save money, and gone without some nights out, new clothes and fancy holiday to do so why should you hand over those savings to some other family member you know is going to piss it up against the wall?

[Coffeecak3]

We lent a lot of money to 2 family members.
I wrote down the amount and a full repayment plan and we all signed it.
They never missed a payment and we returned a £1000. as a gift which they were delighted with.

[OldOakTreeRibbon]

Oh and for a 2k loan I would expect the borrower to sign an agreement that they had borrowed the money and when it would be repaid!

[Coffeecak3]

And just to say. Always put the amount and repayment plan in writing and make them sign. No matter if it is your dm or dc. If they get huffy tell them to try getting money from a bank without signing paperwork.

[Enb76]

I would not lend anyone any money unless it was an amount I could afford to lose. I learned my lesson the hard way in my 20's lending someone £500 which I never saw again and I also lost what I thought was a friend in the process.

[MatildaTheCat]

One of my DB and his wife bought a house which was in a real mess. They were expecting their third child and had spent everything on the purchase. My DH and my DB2 offered to give them a sum af money and loan a further sum in order to fix the house.

DB is quite handy so could have done quite a bit of the work.

Anyway they had a new kitchen fitted. Then they paid professionals to do some decorating rather than DB do it because it turned out DSIL didn’t like DB doing DIY because it meant she had to look after the DC at weekends.

Long story short they did some work but by no means all of it and eventually when I asked DB where the rest of the money had gone he admitted they’d spent it on covering ML and other expenses.

It taught me that once you’ve loaned or gifted money you cannot have a say on how it’s spent. They still owe us £10k but there is a signed agreement that we are repaid when they sell and I don’t doubt they will.

It’s a real minefield. I would definitely lend to a friend or relative in need but there’s a real risk it could affect your relationship.

[Ardnassa]

I would do it for my parents and that is it. Not my siblings, definitely not my friends. I have paid for things out of my own pocket before and then waited for friends to pay me back but an ad hoc loan would be out of the question, for nearly any amount.

I have seen far too much trouble and strife and relationship/friendship issues from people lending others money.

[Georgielovespie]

Yes I have lent large amounts to family members but it isn't for day to day stuff but situations where they have been stuck.

ie I lent my parents £20k but it was in writing and it was to help them spruce up the house to sell it and settle some debts which were killing them. But we knew we would get it back when the house sold, they had been in it 30 years so pretty much all equity and they were massively downsizing. We got it back immediately.

More recently I lent my sister £2k to move house due to the mortgage payments being increased for that first month. Got it back immediately when they said. Then again another £2k or £3k due to her being injured in a car accident and off work and her pay being reduced but we knew when she was due to go back. Then their nursery shut unexpectedly and they had to stump fees for a new nursery to secure the place whilst waiting for a refund from the old one. I knew they would struggle to pay me back when they said so I told them to sit on it for a month and pay me the month after. Which she did.

So I suppose I have done it but I would never lend to friends. Ever.

[Coffeecak3]

@matildathecat it's amazing to me how your db just accepted his wife's argument.
Surely looking after your dc singlehandedly in the short term for a nice home within budget is a small effort to make.
Some people are just so entitled.

[AnotherCupple]

No I wouldn’t do loans.

But I would gift to family members in need.

I don’t understand the concept of loaning people who have money struggles. It is only delaying/prolonging the money struggle.

Gift it to them if you can afford it.

[NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace]

Yes. I have done in the past.