Would you lend a large sum of money to somebody?

[Swirlyceiling]

As in 2 or 3 grand upwards.

To me, this is a lot of money. I think there is only 1 person I'd lend this to. 2 if they were absolutely desperate.

I've had to chase people for small sums or been left feeling awkward after I have done something kind to try and help somebody out of a tight spot, so I don't like lending people money any more. Not that I have lots to spare anyway.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way or if I'm just tight?

I lent a friend £20k a few months back. I trust her implicitly. Got it back when she said I would. There aren’t many I’d do it for though.

@Scarby9

It is very kind of you to do it and if you know and trust that they’ll pay it back then it’s a lovely and helpful thing to do. The breakdown of the marriage couldn’t be helped and was nothing to do with making the wrong decisions and a car is a means to get to work to make money etc so can see why you would help out there.

You definitely have to trust the person’s decision making though

No.

My sister and I have pinged a few hundred quid back and forth over the years when the other needed it short term - but only and until the next pay day or so. Our pay days are two weeks apart so when one of us is flush and just been paid, the other is half way through and heading towards skint...it’s a good back up plan for us both 😂

I wouldn’t agree a ‘loan’ of £x with monthly repayments to anyone though, unless I was so well off that it wouldn’t be missed if it wasn’t repaid (and in which case I’d probably gift it anyway, not loan it).

I only ever lend what I can afford to lose. I assume it's money I'll never see again, so am pleasantly surprised if I do.

I have lent a couple of grand in the past; it was paid back in one case and not in the other.

I am too poor to lend anything at present so I don't have to think about it!

@babesinthewud Yes, they are all the type of people who would never dream of asking / accepting my offer for something selfish or frivolous. I think if someone did ask for something big they just wanted, with no need attached, I would probably just laugh it off and assume they were not serious. So not really altruistic - I think that would involve no judgement on why people wanted the money.

When I lived at home I was able to save most of my salary. I lent my mum £40k for an extension and kitchen. She paid it all back and I bought my own place. It took her years to repay so I didn’t have the money for a house deposit for a long time and missed out on some housing ladder opportunities. I don’t regret it though.

I think my mum is the only one I’d lend to again.

If one of my two very good friends I would lend what I could afford (up to £500 or so) but I’d write off the money on my head and never ask for it back.

I lent several thousand to my sister and bil, and the month after they paid it all back they asked for the same amount again 🙄. I did send it to them. That time they overpaid when they paid me back and I had to repay them.

I've also lent thousands to a mate which I did get back, eventually.

I don't mind doing it but it does create a nagging in your head that it's your money, out there, being spent. Especially if you see those people buying things you wouldn't buy!

I was asked last year by a family member if we would lend them a fairly substantial amount of money, as they needed to pay a substantial bill and they knew we had been left some money by my DH grandfather.
We refused on the basis that the inheritance was already allocated to 3 significant reasons, all of which would have been impossible had we lent them the sum asked for.

I'd lend it to my immediate family, good friends or someone I though definitely needed it. I wouldn't lend it if I wasn't prepared to never have it back.

No, I wouldn’t.

Interesting that this thread appeared for me in Active just above this one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3911057-to-ask-her-to-pay-the-money-back

I did, and have. My friend quit his job and was then unemployed for 18 months. I paid 3 months of rent for him (London rent), but it was on the proviso that he put more effort into finding a new job. He now has a job and I'm gearing up to ask if we can start a payment plan.

And I've lent my brother lump sums before, £10k was the most, and I got it back 5 year's later. I knew I'd always get it back. He'd have done the same for me.

Not anymore. I’ve always lent money to friends & family but the last few times I’ve struggled to get it back.

BF took 3 years to pay back around 3k and tried to not pay the last 180 pretending it slipped his mind. I’ll never lend to him again - he wasn’t grateful.

Friend borrowed 15k for a house move & promised I’d be paid back within 4 weeks. Months of chasing and excuses I finally got it back. That one scared me as I’d no agreement it was all just in conversation.

DM borrows and never repays. Last year her boiler broke and when I refused to give a loan of 2k I was the worst in the world by my sisters. I would not have seen that money again.

Friend borrowed 3k to travel, I gave her 6 months to reply as it was my car savings. I was furious that she was in Australia loving her best life while I was missing out on my new car when she ignored my messages for it back!

I didn’t let money destroy any of the relationships but I would never lend any of them money again - or anyone!

Never ever let anyone know how much you earn it how much you gave in savings.

I would never lend money to anyone ever, I have however given money to my sisters.

I have loaned a similar sum to my son, on the understanding that he pays it back one day when he can afford to.

I would only consider lending this to my brother and his wife or Mine & DH's best friends (whom are married to each other).

I would 100% have a contract of expected repayment drawn up by a solicitor though. There is absolutely no way I would just hand over the money.

This is of course hypothetical, as we do not have anything to spare at the moment!

I’ve been lent that kind of sum before. I’ve also given up more than that to family members before, I certainly wouldn’t hesitate to lend that much to any member of my family if they needed it and, if I could afford it would lend that much to a few friends without any thought. £2/3k isn’t a lot of money to me though. I have had the odd situation when I needed £2k on top of what I had and borrowed it/found it somewhere but there’s nothing that would cost just £2k that can’t wait a few weeks while I find the money if I’m in a tight spot. If we were on a low income however that would be quite different. For me the good Will is well worth waiting a while to get that money back/not getting it back at all. For others I can understand how that would be unaffordable.

My OH and I lent £2.5 K to a good friend, we knew he was good for it, at the time it was all of our savings. He only needed it short term as he was self employed and needed it to buy the materials for a big job, I used to do his books for him, so knew it was just a short term cash flow issue. He paid us back as expected a few weeks later. He then died very suddenly just days after he paid us back. In many ways that taught us a leason. We realised after he passed away that we had nothing in writing, no way of recovering our money if he had died before paying us back. It was just something we never thought of.

No. There are a few people I would give money to if they were in need. Though currently I couldn't spare anywhere near 2 grand. But lending money to friends is a good way to lose those friends.

No. In fact I was asked for a loan of several thousand pounds but I'd seen the same people borrow money before from others, promise to pay by a given date than try and pull out of paying entirely. So I'd already seen the pattern.

Also I've watched too much Judge Rinder to easily hand over my hard earned cash to people who, though nice, are feckless with money.

@MyLamaDontLikeYou

My OH and I lent £2.5 K to a good friend, we knew he was good for it, at the time it was all of our savings. He only needed it short term as he was self employed and needed it to buy the materials for a big job, I used to do his books for him, so knew it was just a short term cash flow issue. He paid us back as expected a few weeks later. He then died very suddenly just days after he paid us back. In many ways that taught us a leason. We realised after he passed away that we had nothing in writing, no way of recovering our money if he had died before paying us back. It was just something we never thought of.

That happened to a woman I used to work with. Her niece and niece's husband got into a bit of bother with a high interest credit card. The husband got a new, well-paying job, so they were earning good money, but the interest was so insane it was costing them a fortune. So my colleague did a balance transfer onto her 0% card as that would give them six months to pay it off without masses more interest piling on.

It was around 5k. Three months later the niece and her husband were in an accident. The husband died and the niece was badly injured and as far as I know never worked again.

Colleague had to switch from her three day week to a full time role for a couple of years and it caused ructions in her marriage as her husband was livid

Only to my parents, none else

Not a chance, I'd be telling them banks exist for loans and I'm not one.

I've refused in the past and would do again. If they get shitty about it, not my problem.

That is a lot of money. I would, to someone close, and not expect to get it back. I'd prefer to give outright a smaller sum and be able to say "Let's forget it, if you find yourself well off later on you can help someone else", When it is more than a thousand, unless you are very rich, it's more complicated but most of us would help loved ones if we could, with no strings. I was helped when I was younger and very much appreciated it.

It's important that money doesn't become an embarrassment or barrier between people so must be handled carefully.

I have only ever lent that sort of money to my eldest sister, who is the most honourable person I know and I’d trust with my life. She didn’t ask me to, I offered because I knew there was an issue, and to be honest I would have forgiven her anyway if she hadn’t been able to pay me back. She paid me back and insisted on adding in a bit of interest.

I didn’t lend a larger sum to my brother ( who I also love) because he asked, he lied about why he needed it and he’d prepared the paperwork in advance (wtf?) .

Only lend what you can afford to lose.