Would you lend a large sum of money to somebody?

[Swirlyceiling]

As in 2 or 3 grand upwards.

To me, this is a lot of money. I think there is only 1 person I'd lend this to. 2 if they were absolutely desperate.

I've had to chase people for small sums or been left feeling awkward after I have done something kind to try and help somebody out of a tight spot, so I don't like lending people money any more. Not that I have lots to spare anyway.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way or if I'm just tight?

[abstractprojection]

I would give such an amount to my parents if they needed it but it would be a loan it would be a gift. If someone’s broke and needs 2-3k there is no way they can pay it back, or paying it back wouldn’t cause them to borrow more elsewhere.

I was once pushed to be garentour on a loan for 3.5k (repayment was 7k!) for a family member to repay rent arrears and stop eviction. I was no fucking way! Said have to stump up 7k or I’d lose my home if they didn’t pay which I knew they couldn’t.

It was quite emotional as she was pregnant and they already had two girls, and I had exactly 3.5k in savings (they didn’t know this) so I considered giving it to them. But it took me years to save after getting out of debt and was my emergency fund, I would have ended up in debt if I had given it to them. And they would still probably end up getting evicted unless they got housing they could afford which becoming homeless would help with or increased their income dramatically.

So I bought them and my guilt off by giving them 200 quid as a gift. They thought I was being super generous (far more then ‘just’ guaranteeing a loan).

I later found out why they couldn’t afford their rent. She wasn’t working (never had) and he had gone from full to part time to pursue music, while I was working full time plus all the overtime I could get. Plus at the same time she had a super expensive birthday party with lots of free food and booze for everyone, it was paid for by her Mum but surely better spent on avoiding her pregnant daughters eviction. Anyway I’m glad that I didn’t give or lend them anymore as I don’t think I would have been able to forgive them if I had and the found out about work and the party.

[MsMonkey]

I would to my parents or sibling, never to anyone else. They're financially astute though so would never happen.

[tumbleweed222]

No, but there are family members I might give money to in certain circumstances.

[WillYouDoTheFandango]

I’d give it to my parents, sister or two of my friends. They’d pay me back but I wouldn’t care if they didn’t.

[Thetimehascometochange]

But I would never borrow either...

[Thetimehascometochange]

Not a chance and I could afford to write it off (which maybe does make me tight but I really don’t care) though I am at the advantage of knowing my DP’s and DS would never need it so I guess that takes out obvious contenders...The only people who benefit from my nuclear family is: DH and DC’s money is ..... my nuclear family...

[Snowpatrolling]

My brother, yes
Anyone else, no.
I have 2 (ex) friend who owe me a substantial amount of money and don’t give a shit about paying it back, so I’ve had to write it off.

[Lynda07]

Never lend more than you are prepared to write off.

[ConkerGame]

Only to my siblings or parents and only what I could afford to lose. I also wouldn’t loan to them for something frivolous or if they had a bad history with money (they don’t)

[Sunnydayshereatlast]

When mil's cooker broke I offered to lend her £350 for a new one she had mentioned.. Dp making odd faces behind her.. I didn't know she was crap with money and I would be lucky to see it again.. I gently reminded her as the months went by that the money was from our wedding savings.. She assured me I would have it back. She and her dh worked full time..
The night before the wedding I got it back!! And our wedding gift was a photo frame with the price tag still on..
£2.75!!
Very glad she is an ex mil now..

[mbosnz]

Never again.

Not since my bastard of a FIL pressured us to take out a 5k loan, he paid 1K of it back, and then when DH asked him for the balance as agreed, he just said, 'but it's gone X'. No remorse, no shame, no care for how he shattered his son's illusion that his father was an honourable man.

[Rafflesway]

No way!

I loaned my half sister £350 over 30 years ago to pay for a private abortion following a ONS. Was totally secret - very Irish Catholic family - so only me and other half sister knew about it. £350 was an awful lot of money to us at that time and DH warned me not to do it.

Guess what? Never saw a penny of the money and no explanation as to why not. Couldn’t make a fuss as she knew I couldn’t break the secret.

I broke off contact with the whole family the following year - nothing to do with this - and never spoke to any of them again. Hsis to whom I lent the money died 3 years ago so I certainly won’t ever see it again. 😒

[Imissmoominmama]

I’d lend (or give if I could) money to both my best friends. I trust them both implicitly- we’ve been friends for over 40 years.

[Boireannachlaidir]

I meant to add I wouldn't borrow it either

[Boireannachlaidir]

No l wouldn't to anyone. But of course depends on circumstances.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

I would only lend money at this scale to my siblings, because I wouldnt mind if they couldn't pay it back and I trust that it would be used sensibly.

But tbf no one in my family is so strugglig with money as to need a loan desperately, it would be something I would offer to save them paying interest on a bank loan etc or to bridge a timing gap.

[Ardnassa]

Someone up thread asked would the friendship not be over anyway if you didn't lend them money?

It's a good question. For my part, I try to ensure that no-one knows how much I have stashed away, nor how much I earn. I am comfortable and earn well, but still live as frugally as possible. So hopefully the question should never arise or if it did, they would know so little about the state of my savings that they wouldn't try to probe too much into my refusal.

[wink1970]

We lent DSS £50k and he's just about to pay it back (on schedule)

We lent DSD £2k for 'emergency bills' and she spent it on hair extensions and a holiday.

so, horses for courses.....

[HeronLanyon]

I have within family and for good reason (ie really needed and for an identified essential thing). Not however a loan. Gave it (and accepted) as a gift.
We agreed if ever there was an ability to pay it back fine but I didn’t expect that and would wish any money was spent on themselves rather than paying back a gift.
The only way it worked in recipient’s head was for it to be mentioned in their will (no offspring) which I guess makes some sense.
I have lent smaller amounts to a friend who said it was the single kindest thing anyone had done for him (he was in a bit of trouble). Haven’t had any back but I saw it as gift anyway so no hard feelings from me about it at all.
You’ll know your friend and can take a bit of a calculated guess as to whether they will pay it back and if not what that would mean for the friendship etc. Put anything in writing including amounts, repayment plan if there is one etc. Both of you sign it. Don’t leave this until later.
Good luck op.

[FrugiFan]

I would lend it to my parents or my husbands parents. Anyone else, no way.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

It would depend entirely on who wanted it, and for what.
In some cases I certainly would.
But having been stung in the past, mostly no way.

[Biker47]

All those that wouldn't lend because it would lead to a fallout, how do you keep a friendship if they know you have it and they are in desperate need.

Not that I have anything to give due to debts. But if I had money spare to lend out, the only person who would know about it would be my partner, no-one else needs to know the ins and outs of my savings or outgoings.

[madcatladyforever]

i'd gift it if i could afford it but could not be bothered with a loan.

[Redorange42]

I dont lend money anymore and havent for a couple of years now. It's been too much hassle lending small amounts to people, nevermind a larger amount.

I would regularly lend money to a family member who would just take the piss. She had more money than me but would spend the last of her money on fags/lottery then ask to lend money as her baby didnt have any nappies. So I'd always feel bad and lend her it. She would always repay me late as well and I'd end up chasing her for it. I ended up putting my foot down and saying 'no more'. Its not surprising that she learnt to spend her money properly after that and prioritise her child when she didnt have the option of borrowing...

My OH lent £200 to a friend of his early last year. This friend has a history of not paying people back but my OH did it anyway because hes too nice and surprise surprise we havent seen a penny of that money back yet.. despite said friend being able to afford to go out drinking every weekend since (pre lockdown of course)

I think lending people money is just too much hassle most of the time. I dont think I'd do it again and definitely not a large sum like £2k!

[RantyAnty]

I only gift if I can afford to do it. I don't loan as I found out, I never get it back.

The funny thing is some people have zero issue with asking me for money but the 2 times I asked to borrow money they acted so terrible about it.

Once was 90 as I was waiting for a bank transfer to go into my account. It was 3 days late getting into my account and even though I apologised and explained in detail right away, this person hounded me by text day and night. for those 3 days. They sent me 6 texts a day reminding me I owed them 90. I paid them back as soon as my money showed up and I couldn't help but send about 10 texts telling them I had paid them back. :)