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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you lend a large sum of money to somebody?

213 replies

Swirlyceiling · 22/06/2020 22:20

As in 2 or 3 grand upwards.

To me, this is a lot of money. I think there is only 1 person I'd lend this to. 2 if they were absolutely desperate.

I've had to chase people for small sums or been left feeling awkward after I have done something kind to try and help somebody out of a tight spot, so I don't like lending people money any more. Not that I have lots to spare anyway.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way or if I'm just tight?

OP posts:
ToastyCrumpet · 22/06/2020 22:45

I have a couple of friends whom I would give this amount to, without hesitation, but I wouldn't expect to get it back. I've only ever lent money once, and it was to a friend and only £10 and she repaid it within a week, not because I expected her to but because she was mortified bout borrowing it in the first place.

Oysterbabe · 22/06/2020 22:46

I lent £1500 to my closest friend. She paid me back.

peachgreen · 22/06/2020 22:47

If I could afford it, even if it was slightly uncomfortable, I would lend to my parents, my FIL and my cousin (who is more like a sister). And probably SIL and BIL. I trust them implicitly. And maaaaybe my brother, but only if I could afford to not get it back.

hellotoday27 · 22/06/2020 22:49

Yes, but depends on who, why and whether they had the means to pay it back.
Random distant flaky friend - no!

Ontheboardwalk · 22/06/2020 22:50

Swirlyceiling have you been asked to lend someone a huge amount of money?

Starbuggy · 22/06/2020 22:51

It would literally be ALL my savings so no I wouldn’t.

If it wasn’t all my savings, I would only lend it to someone I either trusted 100% to pay it back or loved enough to not care. Only my mum makes it only that list!

lyralalala · 22/06/2020 22:52

I think it depends who it was and for what

My best friend, my cousin, BIL and two of DH's cousins who are like siblings then yes, without question.

DanniArthur · 22/06/2020 22:54

I once loaned a friend £500 to pay an insurance excess on the understanding she would pay it back £100 pm. She paid twice and then it was excuses for several months until I lost my temper and demanded it all back. It ruined our friendship so no I wouldnt loan anyone money again, especially not a large sum!

CalmYoBadSelf · 22/06/2020 22:55

It depends. I have lent my brother a large sum which he is paying back over time but have a friend who, luckily, DH and I didn't lend to but other friends did but then skipped off overseas without repaying
You have to think carefully.

Flittingabout · 22/06/2020 22:58

I have loaned money to a friend and siblings and borrowed it as well.

It has never been an issue.
Growing up I was taught that integrity is everything and I personally don't have any friends who I wouldn't trust to come through on a repayment schedule. If I didn't believe they would pay me back if they borrowed money, we wouldn't be friends!

However, I'm not friends with people who make shit life choices either so definitely wouldn't loan to someone like you say has blown their essentials money on a night out!

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 22/06/2020 22:58

I would have lent money to my parents because I trusted them 100%, but I never had to because they, my mum in particular, were very good at managing/budgeting. My brother is the same and for that reason I would lend money to him, but no-one else at the level you are talking about. I would lend £10/20 to a couple of friends but no more than that because that is the amount I could afford to lose.

Immigrantsong · 22/06/2020 22:59

I have and never saw it back despite the promises. It has forever ruined the relationship.

beelzeboob · 22/06/2020 23:04

I lent my brother £20k. I drew up a contract of exactly what the understanding was and what I expected, which he signed. I trusted him and he paid it all back but it took a year longer than the original agreement which made me sweat a bit, but I never doubted his intent. I don’t think I would do it again though. I know I really helped him and he was able to not go bankrupt because of it but it was a stressful time, not least for him because situations change.

thegcatsmother · 22/06/2020 23:06

We lent a 5 figure sum to bil. we got it back after his house was sold. We knew we might not get it back, and it would have taken some months to save it up again, but he was up against it at the time.

PenelopePitstop49 · 22/06/2020 23:06

DH loaned his sister about £7k a few years ago. She had split from her partner and needed help getting on her feet.

Only when she was on her feet, and the house had sold, he had to pester her to get it back. And then it wasn't all in 1 go.

Never again.

We now have a rule that we only lend what we can afford to never get back. Because a lot of the time, you don't ..................

TooTrueToBeGood · 22/06/2020 23:06

I'd be 100 times more likely to gift it than to loan it. Loans between private individuals rarely end well. If I care enough about someone to risk the money on them I'd rather just give it and remove any issues around them being obliged to pay it back.

Guylan · 22/06/2020 23:08

I have one good friend I would and my family.

DisobedientHamster · 22/06/2020 23:09

No. I'd give it but not lend it, to family only.

Lollypop4 · 22/06/2020 23:09

I'd lend money to my brothers,
my brother has lent me 5k and I paid it back , over a year. I was pretty desperate at the time following a relationship break up and starting over with nothing.

Sarahlou63 · 22/06/2020 23:09

I lent €1000 to someone I'd never met in person but who I knew was in dire straits (back in the Handbag days for those who may remember them!) At the time it wasn't a huge amount of money to me but it was a life saver for her. I got it back in dribs and drabs over a number of years and it was a bit...awkward asking for it but I'm glad I did it.

DoctorHildegardLanstrom · 22/06/2020 23:11

My Dad has lent me that type of money when I was in real trouble. I made sure we did a contract and we signed it, I have only been late once with the payments, but this was agreed upon ( May this year) and now my partner is back at work we can make those payments back up fairly quickly.

I certainly wouldn't lend that type of money without a formal agreement

DustyMaiden · 22/06/2020 23:12

I loaned 5k to my DD”s boyfriend. I got it all back.

Usually would only lend to family.

Fifthtimelucky · 22/06/2020 23:12

There are a handful of people I would lend a large sum of money to, knowing that they would replay it.

There are also a few people I might give it to, if they needed it.

In all cases I've known them at least 20 years

Fatted · 22/06/2020 23:13

Nope. It's not worth the agro of the fallout when they don't pay. I've fallen out with friends before now over smaller amounts never paid back.

I would give it no questions asked to my siblings and parents, but then I would never expect them to pay me back or accept it if they tried to.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 22/06/2020 23:14

Only if I was willing to take the risk of never being paid back, and there aren't many people I would do that for. Not that I have large sums of money to lend.

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