My Partner Keeps Tickling Me...

[MaudG]

Trying to work out if I'm over reacting!

My partner keeps tickling me, I've told him so many times that I hate it. I have also told him over and over again that it upsets me that he keeps doing it when I've told him I hate it.

Every time he says he's sorry he's upset me and he won't do it again. It can be a few days or even a few hours later, and he does it again.

Just to be clear that it's not prolonged or intense tickling, more just a little tickle lasting a second - but it's the fact he does it when he knows I hate it, then I get upset that he's doing something he knows I hate and doesn't seem to care that I hate it.

AIBU?

All my family know that tickling me is out of the question. I could not be with someone who carried on doing it when I’d told them not to.
Tell him one last time that he must never ever tickle you. That you hate it. It annoys you, upsets you. If he does it again then he’s choosing to do something you hate. Would you do that to him, no you wouldn’t. So why does he do it to you.

So why does he keep doing it?

My brother in law does it, he also thinks it's funny to give someone a poke in the ribs, it's bullying, abusive and intrusive, most of us don't want to be randomly touched and it's creepy, I wouldn't stand for this from a grown man, I'd poke him in his eye and tell him to grow the fuck up or piss off.

The most laid-back people in the world sometimes have to deal with unwanted thoughts, impulses, and emotions. And you're the target in this case.

As an erstwhile educator about sex and boundaries, I think he is so far out of order as to be dumped immediately.

I really don't understand why he just won't stop! I'm obviously missing something?

It's very very odd!

I do believe you, but it seems so unbelievable.

He does not respect you. I would leave him before his abuse gets worse.

Power trip.

I'd be very wary of this.

I cannot abide tickling either. If someone is foolish enough to tickle my feet I will kick them - it’s completely involuntary and I’ve had to explain to ds (who quite likes being tickled himself) that he really can’t do this.

From your DH it’s completely unacceptable. Potentially abusive.

What other things will he do because he wants to, regardless of whether you like them or not?

If you can involuntary laugh then you can involuntary have an arm/leg spasm.
But I think you’re too nice for that

Oh hell no I'd grab a kitchen knife and stab him

I cannot abide tickling either. If someone is foolish enough to tickle my feet I will kick them

I can testify that this does in fact work. Dh once thought it funny to grip my ankle and tickle my foot when I had my feet up over his lap. I accidentally kicked him in the mouth. He didn’t do it again. Sorry not sorry.

I loathe tickles.
I accept no responsibility for my physical defence mechanisms that are activated by being tickled.
Tickle me at your peril. I have a heck of a kick.

I don’t actually kick people on purpose when they tickle my feet, however much they might deserve it!

It’s a complex reflex action (hence warning ds who I wouldn’t ever kick on purpose), but I once nearly blinded my brother who had an eye injury from being robbed on holiday, and I kicked him right in the eye! He should have known better than to tickle my foot at 21 or so though!

My other half tickled me lots until he got kicked in the nuts (reflex!) when he tickled my feet. He doesn't do it now unless I tickle him first which for us means 'game on!' (and only if we're already in a playful mood, if I misjudge and he's not feeling playful and asks me to stop, then I stop.)

I would honestly physically stop him if you don't like it. Not everyone does, my DC doesn't and I respect that. My Dc doesn't tickle me either and is almost 12. Your DP is old enough to know better!

massive red flag.

He thinks what you want done to your body is irrelevant to what he wants to do to your body.

Next time he does it say "if you do that again I will hit you hard' And wait. And do it.

Or easier still just dump him. He doesn't listen to you. He doesn't respect your boundaries. He is a man who likes imposing his will on a woman - think about that. he probably thinks he is a nice guy. he isn't.

It’s a way of doing something you don’t like that has plausible deniability if you get mad or try to tell anyone else x

@pallisers

massive red flag.

He thinks what you want done to your body is irrelevant to what he wants to do to your body.

Next time he does it say "if you do that again I will hit you hard' And wait. And do it.

Or easier still just dump him. He doesn't listen to you. He doesn't respect your boundaries. He is a man who likes imposing his will on a woman - think about that. he probably thinks he is a nice guy. he isn't.

Just this.

He thinks you don't have the right to set boundaries over your own body and who gets to touch it even when you have repeatedly told him NO.

It's abusive, it's a massive red flag and if it were me he'd be out the fucking door. You do understand that the next step is you telling him you don't want sex and he forces it upon you anyway? Because that is how much he respects what you are allowed to decide about who touches you, and how, and when.

Dump him.

Next time he does it, punch him in the balls. That'll show him how serious you are.

Hire a man double his size to come and tickle him against his will.

See how he likes them apples.

Dump. He will progress onto.other forms of abuse once you've accepted this.

Also i dispute the "lovely guy" narrative

Hoe long have you been together?

Don't have children with a man who can't respect boundaries. It's bad enough that you are putting up with this but don't let a child witness your body not belonging to you.

I remember being tickled at a children’s party until I wet myself
then my mum took me home
to unspeakable abuse

"I don't consent." Repeat however many times you are willing to have patience with him in order to reframe it in that way, then dispose of him if he continues.