My Partner Keeps Tickling Me...

[MaudG]

Trying to work out if I'm over reacting!

My partner keeps tickling me, I've told him so many times that I hate it. I have also told him over and over again that it upsets me that he keeps doing it when I've told him I hate it.

Every time he says he's sorry he's upset me and he won't do it again. It can be a few days or even a few hours later, and he does it again.

Just to be clear that it's not prolonged or intense tickling, more just a little tickle lasting a second - but it's the fact he does it when he knows I hate it, then I get upset that he's doing something he knows I hate and doesn't seem to care that I hate it.

AIBU?

I could have written this post, my H does this to me and it hurts at times there is nothing fun about having him roughly tickle me thinking I want it, the amount of times I've told him to stop and don't do it again is not even funny.
I'm actually beginning to resent him.

Cherrysoup - I still have nightmares of my abusive ex poking my ribs. I can feel it in my sleep. I always wake up very upset.

I think you have to watch it with children too. I remember my dad tickling me - I hated it and still do - I bet he still thinks I liked it, as I used to laugh my head off.

it's just this one thing!
That you know of yet.....
He knows that you're going to keep letting him get away with it, that your 'no' isn't serious.

Once he's worn you down and you give up, which let's face will be soon cos apparently he's perfect in every other way....then he'll up the ante and do something else to erode your personal boundaries.

People who behave like this are NOT 'lovely'......it's actually abusive.

I hate being tickled. It reminds me of when I was small and my uncle tickled me until I was in so much pain from my stomach being tensed up but because I was still laughing he kept on doing it. Hate it.
My dh used to do a weird poke in the ribs tickle that really bloody hurt. It took a couple of bollockings before he got the message but he doesn’t do it now because he understands I hate it.
I’d tell him one more time that if he doe it again when you do not consent then he’s gone. And stick to it.
Curious78 have you ever asked your child if they actually enjoy being tickled? Laughing is an involuntary response and you may be teaching her that it doesn’t matter if you say stop because it won’t happen. I’m appalled at your posts.

My ex used to do it to me too...i found it almost painful....i hate it and will not tolerate it from anyone now.

He is disrespectful and clearly lacks concern for how you feel. Male entitlement.

If your partner won’t stop tickling you after you’ve told him it upsets you, you need to end the relationship. He isn’t going to change.

My partner did it to me several times - that sort of grabbing above your hips thing that really makes you jump? I hate it. I laughed it off a couple of times, and told him I didn't like it and to stop. He didn't. The next time I snapped at him to fucking stop it because I was telling him not to touch me and he was GOING to listen. He never did it again and I learned to be more forthright in expressing myself.

And yes, I agree it's abusive to continue any behaviour (no matter how subjectively trivial) when someone has told you to stop because it makes them uncomfortable.

OH used to do that. Absolutely freaking hate it. Can't remember how I got him to stop, but he doesn't do it any more.

Every time he does it throw a cup of water over him. I'm sure he'll tell you he doesn't like it, so you do it each time he tickles you. Even if you have to wait a few minutes until he's walked off or sat down. Then walk past him and tip it over him.

To be honest I'd hate this and it would be a game changer for me. How can someone. Who professes to love you, deliberately do something to you that they are fully aware that you dislike immensely. It's just wrong on so many levels.

This was done to me a lot as a child (pretty common after all) although I can't remember who was doing it and at 52 I still tense up and feel slightly panicky if I think about it. The silver lining is that it has helped make me very respectful of other people's boundaries. I have (and occasionally still do) tickle my DS but NEVER carry on if he asks me to stop.

I hate the word as well - it sounds so sweet and innocent! I wish there was another that specifically described that nasty power-play type of tickling, especially when adults do it to small children who are powerless to stop it. It's fucking horrible.

I agree with PPs that maybe you need to react in a way that will leave no room for doubt - a swift kick in the shin perhaps? He can't carry on pretending that this is ok!

@Curious78

Tickling isn't meant to be a pleasurable experience anyway. I'm trying to rationalise it here! Sorry that I have offended. Is tickling someone for 1 second as they pass you on the way to the shower, or putting the kettle on a form of domestic abuse? Because that is what some of you are implying. Really?

Even that one-second tickling is fucking annoying. My ex would have argued the same, tickling isn't meant to be pleasurable for the person receiving it but it is great fun for the person doing it so why should he stop? It was really horrible when he would walk past when I was just going about my business, and I'd be bracing myself for that 'hilarious ' jab in the sides. I'm really jumpy even now because of him. And if your DD is showing resistance, then you certainly shouldn't be doing it! You don't know for a fact she's laughing with pleasure, it's more likely an involuntary reaction to a form of torture. I know it might sound silly to you but it's really horrible being on the receiving end!

This is a red flag for me. Anyone choosing to ignore you when you tell them NO is not a kind person. Tickling is the thin end of the wedge.

I would love a "tickler" man to be pinned down by a man double his size/strength and see how "funny" it is when they won't stop tickling because they think you're enjoying it because you're laughing. Fucking idiots who do this are beyond stupid and have no empathy.

Curious78 you sound like an absolute psychopath. I pity your poor, poor daughter.

@theempressmatilda the #bekind movement passed you by, didn't it?

OP is it a sort of sexual fetish type thing? Maybe he wants to start introducing this into the bedroom...!

@butterflybitch I will tickle her feet or under her chin, she giggles and says stop. I stop. She says do it again, I tickle her feet, her chin, she giggles louder, says stop, I stop. The cycle may go on a couple more times before I say "right, that's enough'

Still appalled ?

We are all free to pass comment, to have an opinion, to vent, to support, to disagree but why is there such a frequent desire to belittle, to judge, to bitch and be nasty on here?

@Curious78 I agree with you. People make immediate snap judgements and are so absolute in their statements on here. You can't fully understand someone's life, personality or intentions from just one post and it's not fair to start immediately criticising someone's parenting or to badge someone as controlling and abusive!!

Maybe OP's partner just doesn't fully comprehend yet that she really hates tickling and thinks she's just being playful?! One more chat is perhaps needed before the dumping commences...!

Curious78 - I agree with you.
These posts are hard to read, I assume mainly women that are so mean with their words, complete keyboard warriors because I doubt they would call you a physcopath for tickling your daughter to your face.
#bekind people!!!

A flying elbow or foot that catches him sharply under the chin is the best deterrent, especially if he accidentally bites his own tongue. The person being tickled does not have control of their reflexes, so all responsibility is waived. The tickler who has been told no but persists acts at their own risk.