My Partner Keeps Tickling Me...

[MaudG]

Trying to work out if I'm over reacting!

My partner keeps tickling me, I've told him so many times that I hate it. I have also told him over and over again that it upsets me that he keeps doing it when I've told him I hate it.

Every time he says he's sorry he's upset me and he won't do it again. It can be a few days or even a few hours later, and he does it again.

Just to be clear that it's not prolonged or intense tickling, more just a little tickle lasting a second - but it's the fact he does it when he knows I hate it, then I get upset that he's doing something he knows I hate and doesn't seem to care that I hate it.

AIBU?

Just kick him. If I get tickled I flail uncontrollably and usually the tickler gets pinched, slapped and kicked and it’s their own fault. Flail and kick or elbow out hard every time. He’ll get sick of kicked balls and elbows to the nose pretty fast.

Just to be clear that it's not prolonged or intense tickling, more just a little tickle lasting a second

Can I ask OP, and to be clear I’m not disagreeing with previous posters about no meaning no in any way. But you say It lasts a second, certain bodily touches can mean different things and can cause a tickle, doesn’t mean the person touching is aiming for this

Is he trying to make you uncomfortable or is it some kind of foreplay or intimacy which results in the tickling sensation?

He is not the 'kindest person in the world at all' otherwise you wouldn't be posting here op.
He is not respecting your boundaries and is just doing as he pleases. This is unwanted physical contact. Yadnbu.
If he was 5 it was OK. Considering he is a grown arse man :not OK.

Anna kendrick dumped someone for this reason. They ignored her boundaries.

Yanbu.

My partner does this. I hate it. After reading this thread I've decided not to bother stopping myself from kicking him next time.

I ask him repeatedly to stop until I actually end up getting angry and snapping then he acts like I'm in the wrong for shouting.

He's not ticklish.

YANBU - that’s physical abuse.

It's not about tickling. He does something physically invasive to you that you do not like and have asked him not to do. I really wouldn't be comfortable with that at all.

I would ‘accidentally’ swipe him.
I had this once with nipple tweaking, a jerk reaction of a swipe round the face soon stopped that behaviour!
I detest any form of touching someone without their permission, and in any other circumstance am anti like for like etc.
However if despite asking it’s still happening sometimes you have to show that behaviour will not be tolerated or accepted. Or just tell the test if he ever does it again you’ll leave him - and mean it!

I hate being tickled .The person receiving the tickle is completely powerless and at the mercy of the tickler .Tell him you hate it ,and if he does it again you will withdraw all favours! Seriously if he doesnt stop it tell him its a dealbreaker FFS!

It's not great, how can someone who is reasonable in other regards continue to ignore your wishes ?
Seriously, what does he say ?

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. My ex boyfriend used to do this, all the time. I loathed it and he knew it, still did it. He was constantly joking about tickling me too. I literally used to beg him not to tickle me. He still did it. It was as if he was obsessed. When we broke up, I rediscovered the joy of sitting down with a cup of tea and actually being able to relax, instead of the usual jab in the sides and spilt tea. We split up more than 15 years ago but even now I hate people walking up behind me quietly as it puts me on edge. Get rid, it has much more of a psychological impact than you realise.

@understandmenow I think it's a power thing? In my case, my ex was quite controlling in other areas and I think he enjoyed the fact I was so helpless when he tickled me.

Maybe wee on him. .

He is not the kindest person ever op..
He is a twat.

It's such a weird thing to do but is it possible to just ignore it and walk away fast?

It's some kind of strange attention seeking behaviour I think, so don't give him the attention.

Look at when he does it. Ask him why he does it. Ask him what he gets from it. Get to the bottom of the behaviour and maybe he'll stop it.

Yep that is seriously annoying and completely overrides your right to be left alone if you want to be.

I remember my DB's friend describing tickling as psychological bullying once, and I think that's right.

It clearly bothers you enough to start a thread on here about it, so it needs to stop.

I'd warn him that he'll be getting a horse bite every time he tickles you in future, then follow through. If you've never administered one before, you basically grab thigh flesh and squeeze - you don't need to be particularly strong to do it and they hurt like hell.

Can I ask OP, and to be clear I’m not disagreeing with previous posters about no meaning no in any way. But you say It lasts a second, certain bodily touches can mean different things and can cause a tickle, doesn’t mean the person touching is aiming for this

The reason he does it is irrelevant. OP has told him to stop doing this, he should be respecting that.

Show him this thread - the message is pretty clear...

Lol I've just read a reply where someone responded to tickling as being "abusive" ... I mean obviously it depends where you're being tickled and who is doing it but come on now 😂

It's your body OP and you get to say when, where and how it's touched.
My OH poked me in the kidney area a couple of times, that sensitive area underneath the armpit a couple of times until a well aimed elbow in the face put a stop to it.
If he won't be told to stop doing it, then the only thing to do is to dump him.
He's clearly not taking any notice of you so what is it going to lead to in the future? That is what you need to ask yourself.
His respect for you is zero.

He's really not the kindest person in the world OP, he won't even stop doing something he doesn't have consent for or listen to a word you say on the matter nor does he actually care about your feelings.

This would wear me down and turn me right off. It's not nice having your personal space invaded, being touched without consent, and tickling makes a person feel vulnerable. Not on OP. Tell him once more and that is it, it's a red flag.

As an aside, I once dated a guy with a tickling fetish and it was awful, he was very visibly into it. It was a power thing..

@Curious78

Lol I've just read a reply where someone responded to tickling as being "abusive" ... I mean obviously it depends where you're being tickled and who is doing it but come on now 😂

It's not the tickling itself, it's the fact that he doesn't stop, despite being asked to. That's the abusive bit.

If he’s been repeatedly told not to do it, then yes, it’s abuse. He’s ignoring her wishes about being touched, however he does it. My DH used to poke me in the ribs, it makes me jump and I’m likely to yank my back. I told him very clearly to stop. He did, because he cares.

@Curious78

Lol I've just read a reply where someone responded to tickling as being "abusive" ... I mean obviously it depends where you're being tickled and who is doing it but come on now 😂

Yep! She doesn’t like it. She made it clear. He doesn’t listen.

Physical abuse is any intentional act causing injury or trauma to another person or animal by way of bodily contact.

Oh...well I shall continue tickling my 4 year old in spite of her giggling resistance. Similar sort of thing! Probably worse given she can't fight back. What a terrible mummy