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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour just scolded my husband for building a fence. AIBU for being angry?

335 replies

LindyMoe · 29/05/2020 18:54

We're building a fence on our land for privacy in the garden. There is currently a hedge about waist high the neighbour has grown between gardens, but we would like privacy especially with my newborn.

He questioned my husband, demanding a reason for the fence but given it's on our land and we're sacrificing garden space to be away from his hedge, I'm quite shocked. He said we dont need one, that it's not pretty and that we haven't given him the attractive side. My husband said we're allowed to build what we want within regulation... it's a fence!

He then stormed off and said goodbye to being neighbourly.

In this time of worry and stress its making me quite anxious and I'm worried he will try and cause problems for us.

AIBU to be angry about this? I wanted to be friendly but honestly dont think we've done anything wrong.

Sigh

OP posts:
PhoneLock · 29/05/2020 19:00

It is like turning your back on somebody, so I can see why your neighbour is a bit upset.

Is them being able to see your newborn really a problem?

Hercwasonaroll · 29/05/2020 19:01

It's a bit anti social to install a fence without saying anything.

Original poster
LindyMoe · 29/05/2020 19:04

We are very overlooked as it is, it's a normal fence all the other neighbours have. I didnt think a fence stopped people from being neighbourly as we're on good terms with the others...

OP posts:
zscaler · 29/05/2020 19:04

You’ve been a bit anti-social by not telling them first and by giving them the less attractive side, but their reaction is OTT.

BarbedBloom · 29/05/2020 19:05

I would hate having a low hedge and would also put a fence in. I am happy to be friendly, but I want privacy in my garden. I would probably have let them know first, but i wouldn't apologise

Ipadipod · 29/05/2020 19:05

Could you ask him why he’s so upset?

MuthaClucker · 29/05/2020 19:05

I think it would have been good neighbourly etiquette to knock and let them know first.

KittyMcKitty · 29/05/2020 19:06

The expectation is that you give the attractive side to your neighbours.

It would have been friendly / polite to say you were thinking of putting a fence up / newborn etc

Helendee · 29/05/2020 19:07

You should have notified them first and given them the more attractive side.

TinyPigeon · 29/05/2020 19:08

Is them being able to see your newborn really a problem?

Presumably it's her tits she wants to keep to herself?

I would hate to be overlooked and wouldn't use the garden without a fence! He is being unreasonable.

AuntieDolly · 29/05/2020 19:08

I wouldn't be giving a neighbour the good side! It's really none of their business, but I would have let them know it was happening.

Ipadipod · 29/05/2020 19:08

The expectation is that you give the attractive side to your neighbours

I didn’t know that was what is meant to happen.

PineconeOfDoom · 29/05/2020 19:08

It would have been polite to tell them first, and you are supposed to put the nicer side facing your neighbour.

Windyatthebeach · 29/05/2020 19:09

We put a 6 foot fence up after ndn ddog and our ddog kept shitting in each others gardens.. And her bf was a complete perv.. She attacked the fence with a claw hammer. Taking pics of me and my new baby announcing she wouldn't be able to see him in his pram now!! Went nuts. Had to instruct a solicitor to take control of the situation.. They moved soon after. Her cancer returned and she died. He blamed me person - in the foyer at Tesco..
Sad

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 29/05/2020 19:09

I agree it would have been better to have told him first. Not to ask permission but to let him know. All the posters saying you should have given him the better side are bonkers though, imho. The fence is completely in your garden, you have whichever side you want!

user1490910199 · 29/05/2020 19:09

God no! Its your property, how unreasonable of them. You dont owe them anything its your garden why do you have to explain yourself. Sod them. Id be angry too!
In terms of people saying they wouldbe said first i get that but, you doing that would almost be like youre asking permission and youre not. Xx

SleepingStandingUp · 29/05/2020 19:09

I think not telling them and rhenium basically telling them so you're baby is kept away/private from them possibly comes across quite offish. "we didn't mind you being able to see into our garden but now we a BABY and you mustn't gaze upon his form directly"

If the fence is against the hedge will in create a dead pace between the two or us it pressing up against his hedge?

PhoneLock · 29/05/2020 19:09

I would hate to be overlooked and wouldn't use the garden without a fence! He is being unreasonable.

But she said she is overlooked from every other angle. What difference does it make?

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 29/05/2020 19:09

YANBU. It's your land you do what you like with it. He has no say in wether a fence goes up or not. You are entitled to your privacy.

Lhigg · 29/05/2020 19:10

I have 7ft fences all round. I can't imagine anything worse than seeing my neighbours in their garden all day.

ListeningQuietly · 29/05/2020 19:10

How high is the fence?

If you are going from a 3 foot hedge to a 6 foot fence
you are cutting out half the light from his garden
and cutting off his views to the distance

how much of the boundary are you fencing?

could you do 6 foot by the house
5 foot further along
and 4 foot even further along

to give the feeling of space and yet get privacy

check out the Far side cartoon about fences

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 29/05/2020 19:10

Sorry but knocking and asking/letting them know... Are you lot crazy or what? It's on her land not the joint boundary she doesn't need to tell the neighbour a bloody thing

Op you've done absolutely nothing wrong, and if he wants the attractive side he can pay or put his own up. He's being a dick and is just pissed off that he can't be nosey.

Enjoy your privacy!

Original poster
LindyMoe · 29/05/2020 19:11

Ok the posts have only gone in for the remainder. Only 2 panels are in so we can put the attractive side for him. I didn't know we had to tell him we were putting up a fence... this is our first home, gosh there should be a manual or something

OP posts:
MrsOfBebbanburg · 29/05/2020 19:11

I think it’s weird that he thinks he’s entitled to a view of your garden! Odd. I don’t care what fences my neighbours build in their own gardens as long as it doesn’t breach the height restriction.

MrsFogi · 29/05/2020 19:12

YABU - no issue with you putting a fence up. However, usually I would expect a decent person to warn their neighbour that they are going to put a fence up (let them know the height and style) and when. Courtesy also dictates that the owner of the fence takes the "unattractive" side of the fence and puts the "nicer" side on the neighbour's side (possibly not an issue if there is a hedge on the neighbours' side.