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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour just scolded my husband for building a fence. AIBU for being angry?

335 replies

LindyMoe · 29/05/2020 18:54

We're building a fence on our land for privacy in the garden. There is currently a hedge about waist high the neighbour has grown between gardens, but we would like privacy especially with my newborn.

He questioned my husband, demanding a reason for the fence but given it's on our land and we're sacrificing garden space to be away from his hedge, I'm quite shocked. He said we dont need one, that it's not pretty and that we haven't given him the attractive side. My husband said we're allowed to build what we want within regulation... it's a fence!

He then stormed off and said goodbye to being neighbourly.

In this time of worry and stress its making me quite anxious and I'm worried he will try and cause problems for us.

AIBU to be angry about this? I wanted to be friendly but honestly dont think we've done anything wrong.

Sigh

OP posts:
missb10 · 30/05/2020 23:12

You didn't have to tell him you were putting fence up, but it's common etiquette to say so. Are his hedges going to grow so that they hide the fence, in which case he won't need to worry about looking at it in a few years? About the way round you should put your fence - it's up to you, but courtesy to let you neighbour have the "best" side.

Alpal1 · 30/05/2020 23:15

There is no law that says you needed to tell a neighbour about the fence, but common decency surely to do so.
The fence completely changes their view from their garden, makes it more enclosed for them and to shut someone out in this way could be taken as a sign of dislike/unfriendlyness.

I would feel like your neighbour. I wouldn’t make a fuss but I wouldnt like it, especially don’t with no forewarning.

By the way you might feel private but you won’t really be. Neighbours can still hear you and see from upstairs windows.

Cocobean30 · 30/05/2020 23:36

Yes but even if people can watch her from upstairs windows, she won’t have to engage in conversation constantly or have people popping their head over in her garden. Why are people so aghast at this?

jackie2669 · 30/05/2020 23:37

No need what so ever to tell neighbours and from what I'm reading it's behind his hedge and you have lost bit land .you have done nothing wrong at all .

Crazyunicornlady · 31/05/2020 07:12

It would have been courtesy to let them know buts it’s your land and you can do what you want.

We have a similar issue and it’s frustrating. I like my neighbours but I don’t want to have to say good morning every time I step out the back door! We’ve got a variety of shrubs growing along our side which will grow up and thicken over time.

Ozzie9523 · 31/05/2020 07:18

People drive me insane. Your fence, your money, YOU have the nice side.

Mintjulia · 31/05/2020 07:18

You mention you are worried and stressed with all that is going on. Maybe he is too.

Perhaps he is unable to pay the mortgage, thinking of selling and disappointed with the look of the fence.

You haven’t done anything wrong but don’t take it personally, other people are stressed too.

Ozzie9523 · 31/05/2020 07:20

He sounds very weird with his comments, I’d be wanting privacy from him too. Just ignore him OP.

LivesUnderSaunders · 31/05/2020 07:26

Don’t worry about it. We’ve done exactly the same. We meant to tell the neighbours but never got around to it. (It’s not as easy as popping next door as they are in a different road.)

We hated the poorly maintained hedge and were worried about balls thus children going through so we arranged to fence it in. We think it looks great and now we have no issues. We can’t see them and vice versa.

They will get used to it. Any issues or damage it is your fence on your land. Take photos and keep tabs in case they do anything silly.

bossyrossy · 31/05/2020 07:52

Perhaps your neighbour could let his hedge grow higher, then you could remove the fence and everyone would be happy.

Celerysam · 31/05/2020 08:33

I'd be pretty gutter of I had the garden looking nice and one day I came out to find a great fence down the side of my garden.

It is your land but you impact them so you should have mentioned it.

redwoodmazza · 31/05/2020 08:42

I would prefer privacy, OP.
Your fence so you have whichever side you want facing into your garden.

Greenkit · 31/05/2020 09:00

They sound batshit

Your fence so have whatever side you want..

Also does his hedge over hang into your garden, cut it back to the boundary and plonk your fence there. (Still on your land)

madcatladyforever · 31/05/2020 09:14

What a twit, you can do exactly what you want on your own land and you don't have to give him the pretty side. Maybe he wants to perve on you.
I had a neighbour like that who was constantly moaning about stupid things - one day he came over with an epic whinge about nothing yet again for the 10th time in a month and I just said, please just fuck off "Alan" I'll do what I want on my own property and I don't need your permission.
He didn't come over again.

Nevertouchakoala · 31/05/2020 09:25

If you had a waist high shrubbery and you put a fence along it I can see why he’s anyone’s as if probably won’t look nice, but in the same vein it’s your land and you can build whatever you like

dementedma · 31/05/2020 10:07

I didnt even know fences had a good side and a bad side!

Zeusthemoose · 31/05/2020 10:12

I think it was a bit rude not to knock and let them know first and fence etiquette is that the attractive side is on your neighbours side. Yes he is about OTT and you have every right to have more privacy but maybe his over reaction is a response to how you've handled it. Maybe pop round and try and clear the air?

jakeyboy1 · 31/05/2020 11:03

Whose boundary is it? If it's yours crack on if it's his he could take it down.

GabsAlot · 31/05/2020 11:12

there is no right to light or spoilt views in law she can do as she pleases-he doesnt own her land

Mypathtriedtokillme · 31/05/2020 11:21

I’d be cutting his hedge back to the boundary line. Giving him back all the trimmings and putting it riggt near the boundary line.
Only reason I’d give my neighbors the “good side” is because it’s harder to climb

Bl3ss3dm0m · 31/05/2020 11:32

PLEASE do NOT give them the good side, they are not paying for it! You can drop them a note saying that you are sorry they are upset, but that you (very reasonably) want a totally secure garden for when the baby starts toddling, then running around. You could also add that you don't mind at all if they grow their hedge to 6ft to hide the back of your fence. I have jointly owned 5 properties (with my first and second DH's), and although I have never erected any garden borders (because already there), I have never known of anyone giving their neighbour the "good" side (and I don't see why they should), so all my gardens that had fences, I have had one side (my side) that has been the right side around, and the other side (the neighbours side) the wrong way around. Out of interest how old are your neighbours please - I am picturing an over 70's gentleman (I am not being overly ageist as I am 62, and my DH is 69!), who is set in his ways, and very nosy...

FelicisNox · 31/05/2020 16:41

Wow. I've heard it all now! Who knew there was a "less attractive side" on a fence?

Your land, your business. So long as it's not 6 foot tall and covered in barbed wire what's the issue?

It may come as a shock to him and some of the people on MN but we don't all live our lives to please others and nor should we: inform our neighbours of our decisions? Yes, ask their permission? Absolutely not.

I also have a problem neighbour who should replace his fence (it's his boundary) but is refusing, won't let us put a fence in and keeps complaining about our dog getting his garden: we've offered to replace it at our own cost and maintain it but nope, he's not having it so I'm letting him get on with repairing his home made crappy fence and I'm giving zero fucks to our dog rampaging around his cabbages.

I don't have time for that level of fuckery at my age: let your husband deal with him.

CountessFrog · 01/06/2020 08:56

Haven’t you noticed that there’s a ‘front’ and ‘back’ of a fence? The front is plain, the back carries the horizontal fixed panels.

3cats · 02/06/2020 00:54

To be honest, I never understand people who have the "good" side facing in. It looks weird to me. It's not that the "bad" side is awful. I think it is generally considered safer to have to posts on the inside, both in terms of people being able to climb the fence and in terms of wind blowing your fence in.

TabbyMumz · 02/06/2020 09:40

Why do so many people on here talk about having the posts on the inside. For the last 20 years or so, concrete posts with grooves on both sides have been very popular where the panels just slide in. Why on earth are people still using wooden posts,when they rot, fall over etc, when concrete posts dont? By us it's very very rare for people to use wooden posts.