To ask you to be brutally honest with me

[mommathatwearspink]

I’m 29, 5ft1 and weigh 16st10. I get out of be breath easily, my back and feet hurt and I struggle to walk when I get out of bed in the morning and my feet are so stiff. I never feel attractive or confident and my DP said he found me more attractive when I was slimmer.
Before I got pregnant with my first DC (7yrs ago) I was just over 9st, confident and could buy pretty much whatever clothes I wanted.
I’ve tried to loose weight so many times that I’ve lost count and food just takes over my life.
I need other people’s brutal honesty, I need people to tell me how it is...

How what is?

If you want to lose weight then you’ll find the way that suits you and hopefully your aches and pains will go, you’ll feel fitter and more comfortable in your body and be a great example to your son.

Try to identify what’s sabotaging your previous efforts.

Make changes from a positive place of self love not self loathing.

Don't go on a diet. It just focuses your mind on food. Try fruit and veg (plenty) and limit carbs. Add in gentle exercise goals with lots of stretches to improve mobility.

I think you know how it is, OP. You know what needs to happen. You don't need a bunch of strangers on the internet to be cruel to you, you need an appointment with the GP to talk through your options and the support available to you.

What kind of things do you eat? How does a typical day look for you?

I was overweight last October and then joined Mumsnet Low carb bootcamp and am now slim and happy and never hungry.
Try it. It works!

I think you'll feel mentally and physically so much better of you lose weight. I'm usually a healthy weight and am currently nine months pregnant and I really can't get my head around how people can carry extra stones++ around with them full time, it's so bloody uncomfortable and restrictive on what you can do, wear, eat (heartburn)...get on it OP, not for your partner or anyone else but for yourself

How is it though? What do you want people to say? You're fat? You already know that. You're unfit? You already know that. You have lost confidence? You already know that.

What can anyone say to you that you don't already know?

Losing weight is hard. You need to find a way that works for you. Diets hardly ever work in the long term. Try making permanent healthy changes instead.

Perhaps low carbing would work for you, have you tried it?

If you want a kick up the butt, you are definitely putting your health at risk at this size and likely to die prematurely.

OP , you know how it is. You don’t need to lose the wait to be an attractive person, you need to lose it to be a healthy person, a person who can run around with the kids, a person who will be there to hold her grandchildren.
I know now is a difficult time, but have you talked to your GP clinic? Do they run a weight loss clinic in normal times ? Do you need some counselling support ( is there something making you unhappy that needs to be resolved ?)
I have a dear friend who is about your size; she is in her 50s, has arthritis , has had breast cancer and is currently at very high risk.
You don’t want to be that person, and are young enough to turn it around.
Good luck.

Sorry weight, not wait !

9st to 16+ stone is a fairly astonishing increase.

I'd suggest a dedicated weight loss forum rather than AIBU.

To give proper advice it'd be necessary to know what kind of stuff you're overeating with, when, & preferably why.

Do you exercise at all? I always find that eat much less whenni do.

The other thing is to have no unhelpful foods in the house. No bad carbs, sweets, alcohol etc. Instead I eat lots of vegetables, salads, lean protein. A Mediterranian diet works well and is delicious.

Well you asked. You are morbidly obese and your health is at serious risk. Massive heighten risk of heart disease, cancer and even Corona Virus. You need to do something to be around for your child and DH.

Having said that you need to change mindset and do something. You have to cut down food and alcohol if that is an issue. But you really need to combine with exercise. Seriously, walking an hour can burn huge calories if you walk at a good pace. Even better is cycling. I have just done 15 miles in mine and burn circa 700 calories. You will burn a lot more due to your body weight but means you will loose more weight but importantly makes you feel better and I find it reduces appetite as well

Good luck. You have a,ready taken the first step

There's no need for us to tell you how it is. You know you're overweight.

Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise so for now, if you're finding exercise painful, don't stress about it too much. Focus on your food.

You also sound like perhaps getting back to your 9st body is your ultimate goal. I would say drop that goal - for now. If you give yourself a mountain to climb right off the bat you'll never get there. It's too difficult, psychologically.

So start small. Very small. Give yourself a target of losing 2lb this week. Then the next week. Then start to think of more long term goals. E.g I want to lose 15lb by 1 July.

If you can lose 2lb in one week, then you can lose it the week after, and the week after that and after that and so on, and eventually you will get there.

By focussing on one week at a time, it also eases you into your new diet. It means you only have to think about dieting for one week at a time, rather than for the rest of your life - again, breaking down those psychological banners.

Do not start looking towards being 9 or 10st in the early stages. Whilst it can be an ultimate goal, if that's all you're thinking of you will become disheartened very quickly. Losing weight is a marathon, not a sprint.

The only thing that actually works for me is MyFitnessPal - tracking what I eat and how much I move so I don't go overboard. You would be amazed what those couple biscuits or even some chopped fruit can do to your daily intake levels.

I'm very careful to avoid the negative connotations of dieting. Dieting is a billion dollar industry - they are quite literally designed to fail. If everyone dieted and succeeded and kept it off, the likes of Weight Watchers, Slimming World, SlimFast etc would go bust. They want you to fail!! Its crucial that you dont view the calories tracker as a way of "earning" food, as that is an unhealthy connection.

Some days I am hungrier than others. Some days I lack energy to move. Some days I go a 4 hour hike and because I've been so busy, I haven't eaten as much. These things more often than not regulate themselves throughout the week. So, I use the tracker as a way to minimise my snacking and to regulate some portion control. I do not use it to earn food, or to guilt myself into being hungry.

Find what works for you. Do this for you. Don't do it so your husband is more attracted to you. Do it because you want to be more comfortable in your skin and you deserve to be happy.

16 / 8 intermittent fasting worked for me. Don’t feel as if I’m on a “diet” just a shift in mindset. Read Tom Watkins Downsizing book he lost 7 stone

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow
Spot on, wise words

Also please don't try any fad diets. They are not sustainable in the long term and you will yo-yo.

Focus on eating more healthily overall and reducing your calorie intake. You can still have alcohol and sweet or fatty foods, as long as they are in moderation.

Cutting things out entirely overnight rarely works long term.

Low carb boot camp.

PS you can't eat lots of fruit and vegetables whilst simultaneously being low carb.

Fruit contain sugars in high quantities almost without exception. Sugars are carbohydrates.

How it is is that it's extremely hard when you are short.

Even 7lbs makes a huge difference when you're small.

I'm 5ft 2 and 12st 7 but I was 13st 4 at the start of the year. Even losing that amount although I know I have more to go has made a huge difference to me.

Why not aim for 7lb at a time? It can feel like a mountain to climb when you look at the total amount you want to lose. Even that 7lb will make a difference so even if you never lose more than that it will be beneficial.

I use an app called LoseIt! that communicates with my Fitbit. I “told” the app I want to lose 1.5 lb per week and it calculates the calories I need to eat to achieve it. Then, I input what I eat and it lets me know how many calories I have left to “spend” each day. And, walking or exercising registers on the fitbit and goes over to the LoseIt! program and earns extra calories to either eat, or let them climb to extra weight loss. It has many features, probably like the My Fitness Pal, breaks down carbs, fat, sodium, etc. and I don’t have to do anything except enter what I eat. Weight comes off without much thinking about it-except I’m always trying to walk more to earn more! It has motivated me a lot.

I'd try and explore the psychological roots of this issue. You know what impact your eating is having on you, yet you continue - so it must be serving some sort of function. Does it keep you going because you're chronically sleep deprived? Has your self esteem taken a battering in other areas and food is a comfort? Maybe talk to a psychotherapist if you can afford it.

@mommathatwearspink - sorry OP, but you are morbidly obese!
I am over a foot taller than you and not close to 16st.

You know this is not healthy, you are struggling.
There are several options, but all of them starts with less intake, more output - calorie count...

I hope you find a solution that works for you, and I am with your partner. You sound very obese based on these figures.

Good luck

A combination of 'diets' might benefit youcalorie tracking (Myfitnesspal) combined with low-carbing, a daily smoothie and intermittent fasting. Up to you how to incorporate and mix/mingle it. Exercise is key toonot so much for weight loss but just to improve your cardio health and lubricate those joints. Do you enjoy walking?

But, yes, the excess weight and lack of exercise is taking a toll on your body and psychological health, that's clear from your OP.

What do you want to know?