To ask you to be brutally honest with me

[mommathatwearspink]

I’m 29, 5ft1 and weigh 16st10. I get out of be breath easily, my back and feet hurt and I struggle to walk when I get out of bed in the morning and my feet are so stiff. I never feel attractive or confident and my DP said he found me more attractive when I was slimmer.
Before I got pregnant with my first DC (7yrs ago) I was just over 9st, confident and could buy pretty much whatever clothes I wanted.
I’ve tried to loose weight so many times that I’ve lost count and food just takes over my life.
I need other people’s brutal honesty, I need people to tell me how it is...

How it is....

You've fallen into some bad patterns of eating/lifestyle but you recognise it's unhealthy. You're human, we all are, and food is a difficult zone for many. We're taught an emotional connection to food and that's not a failure, it's just a difficulty to be mastered.

Be happy, you don't need to ask for abuse online to stimulate you into losing weight. Accept that this is you for now but you are capable and smart and can lose weight if you want to. Believe in yourself and in happiness.

Breathe out the dislike and choose to change (if you want to) out of devoted lives for yourself.

Devoted love *

OP, someone mentioned the Lose It app earlier in the thread and I've just downloaded it. I think I like it better than MFP so it maybe worth a go? You absolutely WILL feel better when you lose weight, you won't be in pain, you won't feel crap and you will have so much more energy. Don't feel down just now, feel positive that tomorrow is the day that you start your journey to a healthier place. I wish you ALL the luck, you absolutely can do this.

Track what you eat...honestly. try to drink 2 litres of fluids (water, tea... not fizzy pop) and try to walk 10,000 steps per day if you can or increase you current levels. I have 4 stone to lose and as a single parent I find evenings after the kids are in bed the worst so I go to bed with a book or have a bath instead. If you want a treat swap crisps for a packet of snack a Jacks or Quavers, swap white bread for brown and eat apples... I always lose more weight in a week where I eat apples, not sure why but it works.

Finally, don't be too hard on yourself if you go.iff track one day. Just draw a line under it and refocus. Good luck x

Right, you asked people to be brutally honest so here it is.

Sod what anyone else thinks about how attractive you may or may not be carrying extra weight....

The problem you’re facing right now and if anything should be able to give you the push to lose weight. it’s the fact that if you catch covid the size you are right now, you’re likely to suffer complications.

It’s a brutal disease that preys on those that are in the vulnerable category. If you lost weight you’d fair much better!!!

It’s not about how you look it’s about your health and that couldn’t be more important right now

ps good on you for wanting to do something about it- I know it’s hard

more likely to suffer complications I mean

Well done on making the first step towards positive change. Losing weight is a matter of eating less calories than you burn.

Which might sound simple but isn't always easy, depending on your relationship with food. People here can share tips on how to achieve a calorie defecit but the reality is that what works for you will largely depend on why you overeat in the first place.

Are you snacking/grazing continuously or do you tend to binge? Do you comfort eat or use eating as an emotional crutch? Are you struggling to cook and eating lots of takeaways and convenience foods? Or are you one of those people who eats reasonably healthy food, just in huge portions? Are you drinking your calories, either through sugary drinks or through alcohol?

Tracking and logging honestly everything you eat and drink for a week can be a really useful insight and might help you pinpoint your weaknesses. Like others have said, MyFitnessPal is a really good app for this.

But ultimately, it sounds like you need to come to terms with your relationship with food. You are absolutely worthy of self care, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be healthy.

I think that our opinion is not important here. You have said that you are out of breath, unhealthy and feel unattractive. Only you can make the changes. I've heard that it will take a 80/20 approach. 80% healthy Beaton and 20% exercise. I don't know how true that would be for you. I think that you should go to the GP and ask for a professional opinion.

Try OA

Does it for me. No more dieting! Bliss.

Hi OP

I got a fitbit and it really helped me focus on exercise, increase my steps and gave me challenges. I would try to find healthy foods you like, so you can snack on those, a small salad or some raspberries etc

Then go for it and stick with it! I'm sure you know how to lose weight, it's just the motivation you need, you will get there. Good luck!

I was like you at that age. Not as big as I went from 9 stone to 15 stone after I had DC1, and I’m 5ft 8. I stayed like that until I had DC4 at 38 then went up to 18 stone 2. Which was horrendous. I actually used to not bother buying nice clothes, get haircuts, bother with skincare as I thought what’s the point when I’m so fat! I wasted over 20 years feeling completely shit, being breathless and in pain, and basically avoiding doing stuff as I was so ashamed of myself. I tried all kinds of diets but could never stay on them as they were too restrictive to keep up for long.

When I think back to how many years I had in which I could have lost some weight. Even 1lb a month (which equates to reducing calories by less than 150 cal a day or a 30 minute walk) would have been almost a stone a year!! So I could have lost the weight 3 times over in 22 years. I didn’t eat fatty foods or loads of sweets. My downfall was bread.

My turning point was being put on medication for high blood pressure and being diagnosed with disc degeneratation in my back due to my weight so I was in constant pain. I also was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and hoped having that treated would make me lose weight but unfortunately it didn’t! The blood pressure meds had side effects and I didn’t want to be on them and pain meds for my back for the rest of my life.

I knew I couldn’t stick with a diet so I decided to move more to try to burn some of it off and it was really hard at first. I remember my first walk, which was 2.5 km, and I was in agony with my ankles afterwards as it was too much to start really but after a week it got easier. I joined a gym and just before lockdown I was in there 6 days a week, 2 hours a day and lost 4 stone overall in just over a year with many blips! My diet got better as I thought about what I was eating and how long it would take to burn it off. Now due to gyms being shut I fast walk 10km daily, a 45 min bike ride with DC and an exercise video for 30 mins and have lost a further half a stone, no back pain, off blood pressure meds. The way my body feels now has had a really positive effect on my MH and I don’t deny myself what food I want as I know I’m burning some of it off. I have 2 and a half stone to go and I know I can keep it up this time.

Don’t waste years of your life being fat and miserable. Get your trainers on and start walking 10-15 minutes a day then increase the distance and your speed gradually. Do a short exercise video. There are some 7 minute ones on You Tube. Move as much as you can, really start pushing yourself, you’ll be amazed at what you’re capable of. In a few weeks I can guarantee you, your diet will naturally start changing as you’ll want to eat to feel good, as the exercise will make you feel good.

I wouldn’t have got this far without exercise. Try it. Good luck

Best thing to do is do a good diary and u see what wating. Then join online slimming world

I always find for me personally, that the carrot works better than the stick. I know you specifically asked people to be brutal, but instead of that, how about how you write down the benefits of being slimmer? Then to achieve that goal, write a little map of how you get from A (where you are now) to B (where you want to be). It could be a weekly thing you write.
E.g. 16st. (A - where you're at)
Want to lose 2lbs. (B - where you want to be in a week)
So, I'll take a 10 minute walk every day, no matter the weather.
I can only eat chocolate if I have a piece of fruit first.
I'll drink 2 glasses of water a day - whether I want to or not - dilute squash if you're not too fond of water.
I'll make an appointment with my GP to get a health check and for some advice.
I'll leave the last two mouthfuls of my meals untouched.
I'll use less salt (a killer for retaining fluid).

Then see how that progresses for you? Just a suggestion.

You'll get there OP. My Dsis lost lots of weight with slimming world she ate plenty to begin with all the s.w hour preparation foods and still had her takeaway at the weekend.
Once the weight came off she changed her takeaway and filled up on hearty farmers food by then her appetite reduced greatly.
You can do it without starving.
Here is the brutal bit without change you will get bigger each year, there is no going back without work, without the work your future will be painful

That’s a heavy weight gain. Could you join a swimming class or the gym once everything has gone back to normal?.
Cut bread out all together and see how that goes, reduce portion sizes maybe.

Another thing that I've found useful in dealing with a different issue was writing down 'Things I learned today', for if the day didn't go as planned. You'd be surprised what you'll learn, but writing it down cements it in your head more, so that you're less likely to repeat the same mistake twice.

The virus really does motivate me on days when I feel like I cba to walk. I remember the effects:
Increasing my lung capacity
Lowering my blood pressure
Strengthening my immunity
Getting Vitamin D in the sunshine (have a really good tan already from when it was sunny)
Reducing cholesterol
Building up my leg muscles and losing inches from my thighs
Burning visceral fat
And so on.
Plus it’s a good break from the house and DC. Headphones on, good music.

I can’t thank you all enough for your support and guidance. My relationship with food has got worse and worse over the years, however I can’t say what triggers it. I’ve taken lots of screenshots to re-read in the morning and made a promise to become a healthier version of myself from tomorrow.

Get to know when you overeat/why. What are your pressure points? Do you eat too many takeaways or drink too much? For me it’s snacking on sweets in front of the TV after kids are in bed. I used to drink wine but gave up alcohol so sweets became a replacement for me. I started the 16:8 intermittent fasting diet a few weeks ago and I am losing weight because I can’t eat after 6pm so no TV sweets, but I’m still eating plenty of the food I like during my eating time- you don’t count calories so I don’t feel deprived. Borrow a dog and go for some long walks. Try the couch to 5k app, you only run for 90 seconds at a time to start off with. Little changes add up to a huge difference.

Can you work on your diet and ask the GP for some counselling sessions, try some charity ones too. You might be surprised what your trigger is. I genuinely think it is like an addiction.
There is a 12 step program for over eaters. I can't remember the posters name but they've found it amazing as they deal with the emotional side and offer support with sponsors
I'll see if i can find the thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3896862-To-ask-you-if-you-have-a-family-member-you-really-love-who-is-morbidly-obese-do-you-encourage-them-to-exercise-and-lose-weight

This is nothing to do with encouraging you to go on any particular diet. You probably already know what diet would work for you (I.e. The one that you could stick to!)

Instead, its about getting your head in the right space and its difficult to know how that will happen for you. I just woke up one day and knew that I was ready to deal with my diet and exercise needs. Having lost over 3 stone I feel so much better.

One of the keys I think is to take small steps which don't feel too demanding. The first could be simply to make a decision to stop putting weight ON and start taking some exercise. Just a half hour morning or evening. Then the week after, start cutting out high-fat, high-sugar snacks. Just eat at mealtimes. Then reduce portion size. Etc etc

Start with whichever step you feel is easiest.