To ask you to be brutally honest with me

[mommathatwearspink]

I’m 29, 5ft1 and weigh 16st10. I get out of be breath easily, my back and feet hurt and I struggle to walk when I get out of bed in the morning and my feet are so stiff. I never feel attractive or confident and my DP said he found me more attractive when I was slimmer.
Before I got pregnant with my first DC (7yrs ago) I was just over 9st, confident and could buy pretty much whatever clothes I wanted.
I’ve tried to loose weight so many times that I’ve lost count and food just takes over my life.
I need other people’s brutal honesty, I need people to tell me how it is...

@Jellywormy

snap :-)

It is really hard getting going when there is a lot to lose. Don't start your plan until you feel really motivated. A difficult point can be two or three weeks in when you've lost a bit but you can't really see it yet. Remember you are doing this for you. If you keep on for a further few weeks you will see the difference. You'll find your clothes looser or even go down a size this is really motivating.
When you have a lot to lose don't stop when you get bored with one way of doing it. Lots of things work for a while but you get bored. When that happens moved to something else which works for you.
You are eventually aiming at changing your whole way of living/eating but take it one step at a time. Good luck.

I have a friend who has always been chubby, and has similarly built family members. I have spent holidays with her and knew that she was not eating huge amounts, really. She was doing some sport, regularly and what she was eating was really healthy. She was not obsessed With dieting not was she obsessed with needing to be slimmer.

She lost the majority of her “overweight” when she had braces, (the invisialign - it can hurt to eat and it’s a lot of cleaning and maintenance).

The reason I am relaying this story is:

1. the weight can off over the 2 year period she had braces
2. she had literally something which stopped her eating more than the minimum - most of the time (she did get married in that time so there was some cake :) )
3. she was hungry sometimes but couldn’t eat. I am not suggesting that you starve yourself but the approach “eat what you can without being hungry” is not going to get you there especially if your body is used to more calories
4. unless you have forced motivation like braces, you have to want to do it with the passion- ie your motivation should be as strong as the braces for it to work

Bit of a different way of looking at things from me but good luck!

I feel for you. I’m in my 50s, morbidly obese and my life sucks.

The joint pain from osteoarthritis is a constant. I hurt all the time. My blood pressure is high so I’m on medication to correct that. Unfortunately that means I can no longer take the painkillers that are effective for the arthritis.

It’s my weight that did the damage. If you address it at your age you’ll avoid all this.

I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone. It’s bloody awful.

@AnastasiaBeverleyHills - having been where @mommathatwearspink was several times myself before with my own vice, being kind to myself is always the first step 💛

I need a weight loss buddy - do you fancy doing it together?

Be kind to yourself op. Lose weight and get fitter as a favour to yourself, you don’t deserve people being mean to you, sounds like you’re already punishing yourself. You said you were previously slim and fit so you know how it’s done and how you need to live to make that happen. Good luck!

I am going to be brutally honest. My mum is only 62 and she stopped work about 17 years ago and sat around the house: did not exercise and didn't watch her weight.

She developed intercranial hypertension because of her excess weight. This means fluid build up in the brain that put pressure on her optic nerves and has caused her to permenantly lose almost all her sight.

She is blind because she did not take care of her health.

I tried to speak to her on many occasions about being active and eating healthily (I've got to goal with both Slimming World and Weight Watcher) but she wouldn't listen to me.

Severe obesity has significant health consequences.

mommathatwearspink This happens so often after childbirth. No professional advice, but I would try and avoid buying foods with high calorific content, other than treats your children like, unless you have the will power to limit yourself to a small treat each day. Buy a gym type skipping rope (eBay) and brush your teeth after each meal, if your teeth feel exceptionally clean you won't want to spoil them with sugary food and drink. Best wishes to you.

Oh my love. Please listen to those above and be kind and sensible. I'm a little older and taller but still facing a similiar journey. I'm using my fitness pal and trying to do slow and steady. Losing 2lb ideally a week. I thought it won't make a difference but a few weeks in and not quite 2lb a week yet I'm making better choices and noticing my jeans are a bit better fitting. The main difference is that I realised if i lose 1.5pb most weeks for a year it's 5 ish stone!! What a difference that would make and it starts with just 1lb.
I'm doing it for me so I feel better and my clothes look better but also because I have little children and I want them to be proud of me and to be able to be active with them.

Feel free to message me if you want a pal!
Well done you've taken the first step. Good luck!

You poor thing. Your addiction is running and ruining your life.
Overeaters Anonymous are still having meetings (on Zoom), as are other 12-step programs.
Use this link Sweetheart. Contact details for your area are at the bottom of the page. It's your first step
www.oagb.org.uk/contact-us/

I definitely recommend the 16:8 fasting, its not too difficult and it's the first time I ever lost weight after my childrens despite trying and paying a shit load of money for all sorts of diets and pills.

Call me a cynic but I wonder if this is the husband and not the wife who posted this so to show his wife what others thing regarding her weight.

You need to change your entire lifestyle, and get away from eating as some kind of treat.

If you nourish your body correctly, you can still have some other stuff (wine/choc/crisps) in moderation.

I would highly recommend a series of podcasts called Feel Better, Live More (also on YouTube), particularly the one with nutrionist Amelia Freer. It makes you look at what you can and should eat, rather than what you shouldn't, if that makes sense.

Combine that with a good sleep routine (not eating after dinner, regular bed and wake-up time), some exercise each day and you will feel so much better.

I started listening to the podcasts on the advice of a friend, and they are fascinating. Sleep feeds into diet, feeds into exercise etc etc and it all begins to come together and make sense.

I don't feel I'm missing out any more, because I feel so much better for it. In fact, DH and I have Friday nights "off" and have a few beers etc. I do it now because he enjoys it; to be honest I'd rather stick to my routine and feel great the next day, rather than tired, craving carbs and with a headache.

I know there are lots of ways of losing weight, and everyone is different, but I genuinely feel that a change of lifestyle and mindset is the only way to do this, which will make you feel good as well as lose weight.

OP I don't think you need brutal honesty. I think you need kindness and you need to find a way to show yourself kindness. You already know all the health risks and are quite probably as scared of them as anyone could be. I think you need someone to listen to you and talk with you and help you untangle this. Eating is emotional for many of us - if your emotions are acknowledged and settled then the rest of it in terms of managing your weight is almost guaranteed to go from a tough job that you feel you are doomed to fail at to a tough job that you can manage perfectly well with some friendly support. Weight is a mental game very often much more than it is a physical game. Wishing you the very best.

I think you would benefit from the Bright Lines Eating community - the brutal truth - is that any change starts with loving and accepting yourself right where you are. Speaking kindly to yourself and wanting to nourish your body for health - because you love it not loathe it x

I won't tell you about my struggle with my weight but I will tell you that our body does know when you start trying. Once you are eating lots of veg and healthy food the foot pains and being out of breath seem to stop far earlier than you would think possible. It might just be becaue our gut is not full of hard to digest food but the effect is real. You need to do this because of our health, but you will start to see and feel the effects quickly, which is very encouraging.

Link to Feel Better Live More here

I think I am around the 5ft 2 mark and about 9.7 stone, which is about half a stone too heavy for me and I do not feel good about myself.
Basically if you feel the way you do then you need to do something about it and you know that.

I vote for my fitness pal!

Can you join a slimming club, google if there are any doing a virtual / video sessions. Start by going for a walk then build up to going for longer, when hungry eat a piece of fruit. Buy a spin bike / exercise bike and use it every day, as you start to lose weight it will spur you on, good luck you can do it, it's hard but try, have a treat tea once a week then get back on it

I've been there OP. And I can tell you now you will be amazed at how much better you'll feel when you hit 15 stone. When that happened with me I felt like a million dollars. I felt like Twiggy! When I was your weight, I couldn't wash my feet in the shower, I couldn't put on my tights without lying on my bed and contorting myself.

17st 10 is 248lb, so I'd suggest trying to lose 10% which is about 25lb. And coincidentally 15st 13lb!! So it'll take you straight into the "fifteens".

I also had a gazillion mini goals!

17st 7 - hit the seven
17st 3 - 7lb
17st - hit the zero, also 10lb lost
16st 12 - check your dress size
16st 10 - a stone lost (another 7lb)
16st 7 - hit the seven
16st 4 - 20lb lost
16st 3 - another 7lb lost - 21lb in total
16st - hit the zero, also check your dress size
15st 13lb - 25lb lost

As you see, there's never more than a few pounds between goals, and if you make a chart of them down to 15 st 13lb then you'll be hitting a goal every two or three weeks and your chart will be filling up fairly fast.

Don't make your goals too big. Don't immediately go for weighing 10stone for instance! Losing a couple will make a hug difference to how you feel, and also your backache will either go or be very much reduced by the time you hit the magic 15.

Good luck!

I haven’t RTFT but if you haven’t tried Slimming World, I’d definitely recommend it.

You've essentially gained a stone a year over the last 7 years.

That's what you need to address: why have you turned to food? what are you not doing anymore that you used to to stay healthy? have you had a medical check up to check hormones, thyroid, etc to rule out medical issues.

Counseling? Support group?

Good luck.

Hey OP.

I’m the same as you and messaged you.