To ask you to be brutally honest with me

[mommathatwearspink]

I’m 29, 5ft1 and weigh 16st10. I get out of be breath easily, my back and feet hurt and I struggle to walk when I get out of bed in the morning and my feet are so stiff. I never feel attractive or confident and my DP said he found me more attractive when I was slimmer.
Before I got pregnant with my first DC (7yrs ago) I was just over 9st, confident and could buy pretty much whatever clothes I wanted.
I’ve tried to loose weight so many times that I’ve lost count and food just takes over my life.
I need other people’s brutal honesty, I need people to tell me how it is...

Can you ask your doctor to refer you to a dietitian? Given that you're in a high risk category for health conditions due to your weight I would think they would. I would suggest that you keep a food diary for 1/2 weeks and look at exactly what you're eating and drinking. List every last bite and weigh your food so you have an accurate picture of what you're eating. Do you think you've developed an eating disorder? Binge eating and over eating is every bit an eating disorder as anorexia and it's no at all unknown for someone to have a restrictive ED in teenage years and then swing the other way as an adult. If you think this may be a problem for you I would suggest getting help for that as a first port of call.

Your weight has almost doubled, your heart and organs are now supporting 7 stone of additional fat.
You are in charge of what your hand puts into your mouth, think of this. Then think of all the lovely clothes you can buy and how much healthier and more confident you will feel as you lose weight. Break weight loss one into half or quarter stone blocks and reward yourself with a non food treat each time you get to a goal. A magazine and new candle, a home spa session etc.
Good luck.

Op, what is it you’re looking for here? You know you’re morbidly obese, you know the health risks, you know it all.

What is it you’re looking for? Help to loose weight? A way to accept yourself?

Do you understand what’s caused it. What causes your over eating? Are you happy? Has there been issues in your life?You’ve nearly doubled your body weight. It’s a massive increase.

Sounds like you’re in a really horrible place mentally and you don’t need any of us telling you that your obese. That’s not going to help.

A diet is an entire way of life. It’s not a fix or short term. It’s a WAY OF LIFE.

You could join slimmer world it weight watchers or similar and figure out some new recipes and give you a kick start. But essentially the changes you have to make have to be permanent. So it’s not slimming down to a size 12 and then chucking in the towel.

Fewer calories in and lots of exercise. Make the calories “good”. Don’t buy crap. But have a series of treats that you like and can have now and again.

It’s a way of life.

Is this a joke?

You know how it is. Everything is already telling you how it is from your joints to your clothes to your dp to your mirror.

It's sadistic and more importantly useless to ask people to lay it in you to somehow motivate you.

Sure, you might get a few days motivation from a nasty or jarring comment, but to see any real difference you damn well know you will need months and mean comments are not enough to sustain changes for that long. You need to want it and prioritise it over anything else day in day out for anything between 6 to 12 months or even longer if you choose the scenic route and then the harder part of maintaining.

You’re young enough to do something about it now. Don’t look back in 20 years time when you’re another few stone heavier and think why the fuck didn’t I do anything about it before.

I’m the same height as you and feel a bit of a chubber at 10st.

Obviously I'm worried about your physical health, but I'm more concerned about your mental health.

I hate diets personally as they are rarely solid lifestyle changes. Are there any simple things you can delete? No more fizzy drinks, cookies, crisps?

But guard that mental health. Walking is good as is sex. Hitting the gym and pumping weights will only lead to disappointment, keep the goals achievable.

Some areas have 8-12 week programmes you can join to lose weight, great if you're feeling a little overwhelmed & want some support to get started & to keep going

have a look a your GP website, there might some useful links there, & this is a good online programme www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/start-the-nhs-weight-loss-plan/

I just want to give you a hug OP. You obviously feel really shit about yourself and inviting people to give you a metaphorical kicking is not going to help

Losing weight is hard, not gonna lie. It's a slog and sometimes it feels endless. But the thing that makes it easier is having a supportive partner who will eat chicken salad with you and not order a takeaway. Will not put crisps into the food shop but will buy some low fat snack instead. Can you ask your DP to help you?

A biggie for me is alcohol - if you drink, stop. It's just empty calories. A beer is equivalent to a small sandwich. Which one would sustain you for longer? The answer is obvious when you think about it, but putting into action is not easy.

That is an unhealthy weight. I'm struggling to lose weight too, since having 2 children. Excerise and smaller portions seem to be working for me How about buying a running machine?

Life is too short to spend it unhappy, let alone unhealthy. If you start right now, in a years time you could be a new you, don’t delay!

You get what you measure. Download My Fitness Pal or Loseit (a similar app that I prefer) and start tracking calories. Weigh, measure or count everything. Portion control is the key to success.

I think you need to find the root of your problem, which may or may not be food. You clearly don't have a high opinion of yourself right now (I also suffer with that) - try to do something sympathetic, that makes you want to change, slowly. I've found just recently that yoga (I'm doing 'yoga with adriene' on youtube) is so, kind of, pleasant and happy that it's making me want to be better and care more for myself. Don't expect results overnight, learn to make better choices going forward. We can do it OP!

Brutally honest? You have a BMI of 44.2 so are morbidly obese.

You have nearly doubled in size in 7 years.

Can your GP do an Exercise Referral so you have support alongside GP checks?

Every time I want to eat crap or another glass of wine, I grab my belly and give it a little jiggle. Works for me when I put on more weight than I'm comfortable with.

You know how it is, OP. Asking us to tell you simply helps you to hide from the truth a little longer.

You know you are massively overweight for your height and you have to lose it for your own good, at your age it's easy at my age 58 I should not have allowed myself to get fat again but I had the menopause and went nuts, was 21 stone and had to have bariatric surgery to lose it. Don't be me, it's been horrific.
If you get any fatter you will have an apron hanging down to your knees that will cost you around 6K to remove surgically.
Right now you are in your 20's and you can lose it easily.
The only diet that ever worked for me at any age and one I stick to to this day is 1200 calories a day and stick to it rigidly. it will be only 2 pounds a week but it's steady, doable weight loss.
You CAN do it.

Have you been to see your GP about this?
You need professional help to deal with this.
This sounds like a stupid question - but how did you come to put that much weight on in the first place? Was it comfort eating? Or have you not really increased your food intake that much and perhaps something medical has contributed to this?
In any case, this should be investigated as soon as possible.

I found the best way for me to lose weight is to cut out alcohol and snacking

Only eat three small, sensible meals and make sure sure I hit 10,000 steps daily

You know you want to be slimmer but you can't make yourself eat less and move more therefore I highly recommend tackling the your psychology.

Try the utterly wonderful Dr Melissa McCreery and her book/website Too Much On Her Plate about controlling emotional eating:

toomuchonherplate.com/

Put yourself first sometimes.

Love and care for yourself, just as much as you do for your family.

You don't need practical advice imo.

You need self love op. Thats all

@mommathatwearspink I understand you are overweight and agree you should lose weight for health reasons, but what I wanted to say is you need to be kinder to yourself .

We all struggle with our own vices and you sound like you are being really tough on yourself. Work on loving yourself step by step- seeing the little things that make you awesome (great hair, great skin, fab boobs, great mum, great at painting nails- whatever they may be)- and I think you will find it easier to think positively and put the time and energy into yourself (including with losing weight).

@mommathatwearspink

Here's the truth

You have been through a dramatic life change in the past 7 years. You have gained weight. You can lost that weight

I'm wondering if you came onto a forum of strangers looking for the "brutal truth" because you want (sub consciously) to hear what a bad person you are for being overweight. How you are putting your life in danger and this someone makes you less than or less worthy of something. The sad truth of it is, whether or not people want to believe it, we eat to fill a need. Sometimes that's stress, sometimes it's comfort, sometimes its lack of time, sometimes it the only thing we can control in our lives, sometimes it's the only thing we can let go out of control in our lives. Very, very few people are "just greedy". It actually amazes me when I see people on MN come on and say "well I only ate because I was greedy and that's why I gained 6 stone". No, your greed was (whether you choose to accept this or not) a symptom of something else and if you do not deal with the "something else" then the weight will come back on. AND I am sure there will be people who argue with me and say "you don't me, you don't know I wasn't just greedy" You are right, I don't know you and if you want to flagellate yourself for gaining weight go ahead, I won't stop you.

OP you are not your weight, and you can change it.

Start small, as someone suggested earlier My Fitness Pal is excellent. or get a FITBIT or both and connect them. Keep an (honest) food diary for a week to see where it is you feel you're overeating. Maybe it's when your children are in bed and you then eat two days worth of calories as a reward because you've had a hard day ( no judgement btw......I have done this in the past!) Maybe you are grabbing bits all day and not eating a proper meal and those "bits" are adding up to 1000's or calories.

Whatever it is HERE is the truth. You are 29, you have 2 small children, you are young, you have MORE THAN LIKELY done nothing irreversible to your health yet. You can change, you are good enough, you are worthy of this weight loss and you absolutely can do it.

I use slimming world.
I started after my first child, lost 3 and a half stone.
Just re joined after having my second child. I have 3 and a half stone to lose again.
I'm 30, 5ft 7 and at 14 and a half stone felt myself starting to wobble around the place, and I was too unfit to do lots of outdoor games with my kids.
I'm hoping to lose most of the weight in the next few months, last time it took 4 months to lose it