To ask you to be brutally honest with me

[mommathatwearspink]

I’m 29, 5ft1 and weigh 16st10. I get out of be breath easily, my back and feet hurt and I struggle to walk when I get out of bed in the morning and my feet are so stiff. I never feel attractive or confident and my DP said he found me more attractive when I was slimmer.
Before I got pregnant with my first DC (7yrs ago) I was just over 9st, confident and could buy pretty much whatever clothes I wanted.
I’ve tried to loose weight so many times that I’ve lost count and food just takes over my life.
I need other people’s brutal honesty, I need people to tell me how it is...

If you’re feet are painful and stiff google Plantar Fasciitis just in case. Weight loss helps if it is but won’t cure alone. Not RTFT so apologies if this is duplicated anywhere.

OP have you spoken to a doctor regarding your weight/health issues?
You don’t need a diet but light exercise everyday and healthy low fat meals will make a difference, it may take time but it’s always better to lose weight slowly.
If you enjoy snacking look for healthier options like fruit or nuts (if you’re not allergic).
Also drink plenty of water.
My Dad is on a mission to get his weight down again after it climbing back up and he is doing so well, he has porridge and a banana in the morning, fish for lunch with some salad and a healthy dinner in the evenings.
For snacks he’ll have mostly fruit/nuts or some rye bread, occasionally he has a biscuit or a small bit of chocolate, he is diabetic so is restricted with how much sugar he is allowed.
We can’t tell you what you already know and I understand how difficult it is to get into the right mindset, I’ve watched my dad battle with his weight and mental health all my life but he has made so much progress, I’m so proud of him.
You’ll get there, you just need to believe you can do it and go for it.

Well, here goes.

You are morbidly obese. You could lose half your bodyweight, and your BMI would be in the middle of normal. This shouldn't have anything to do with whether your partner still finds you attractive. If I was him, I'd be worrying about whether I'd have a partner at all in the near future.

You are dying. You are carrying 107kg on a body that was designed for about 60kg! Every day that you do not do something about your weight, you are walking towards an early grave.

At this rate, you will be dead by the time that your child is 18. This is the truth.

You need to seek help as soon as possible, preferably today. Call someone, start something, anything. Take control of your own life before it's too late.

I’ve found that exercise has made a difference and just being more active. Admittedly I didn’t lose any weight to start with from exercise alone and I did slimming world to lose the weight. But I stopped going to and following slimming world almost four years ago and I’ve kept the weight off. I’m sure exercise as helped a lot, I don’t do masses either.

I can highly recommended the couch to 5K to get into running it really helped me.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. But I think the real key thing more than anything else to losing weight is you have got to want to do it. If your half hearted about it or doing it for someone else’s benefit it’s much harder to stick too. Set yourself small goals it doesn’t drop off overnight you have to persevere.

Good luck OP

OP - a gain of seven stone in seven years is an average monthly gain of (only) one pound. It's scary how it creeps on over time.

I wonder if you're like me, and perhaps have carb cravings around your period? A food and activity diary may point up unhealthy eating habits.

Routine. If you get in a habit of walking each day at a certain time it will hopefully become part of your everyday routine. Don't expect fast results. Avoid having anything in the house you'll scoff all at once (that's been my problem, thinking I'll save a multipack of anything yummy but fatty). Get out of any habits of buying 'treats'. Stick leftovers in freezer straight away. I actually found getting to bed a bit earlier helped me. I'm not skinny, but I'm not fat. I have been both, but I'm in the middle. Good luck. You've taken a positive step by asking us for help! You obviously want to do something! Diets have never worked for me. I do think walking every day should give you a boost and help back pain.

You need to look into fasting. I'm doing alternate day fasting and it works wonders because it resets your basal metabolic rate. Google Dr Jason Fung to learn about the science. If you're eating your blood sugar rises then drops again which makes you hungry to eat more etc. If you take a period of time e.g. 16 - 24/36 hrs where you don't eat you won't feel hungry the same way. Waves of hunger pass. You can work up to it slowly e.g. start at 12 hrs, then push a few more hours. It's honestly amazing. You also get to eat what you want some of the time without worrying about calorie counting etc although obviously it's better if you don't go too mad on "feast" days. Reddit has an amazing subreddit about 'fasting" - look up the success stories on there. Really mind blowing. And, if you do it the right way (be sure to research e.g. about electrolytes and vitamins) then it can be perfectly healthy. Life changing for me!

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself - you shouldn't invite hate from strangers on the internet, you don't deserve that. So you're overweight, you know that. It doesn't make you a bad or evil person. But I think you know you do need to do something about it. I'm really not someone for Covid scaremongering but the virus does cause a more severe reaction, and is much more likely to hospitalise you, if you are obese. It would be a really amazing thing for your health and immune system NOW (not later down the line) to lose weight for that reason. Losing weight would be the absolute best thing you can do for yourself and your children at this time, to avoid possibly getting sicker than you need to be. Can you use that as motivation? After all it's pointless staying indoors to avoid the virus risk, whilst at the same time maintaining an unhealthy weight which increases your chance of getting ill. Not trying to be mean it's just I find focusing on reasons to be motivated in the here and now helps. Good luck x

OK, I'm your height OP and I've some weight to lose after the births of dc. What's working for me so far is just cutting out the crap, I have to be all or nothing. So I'm not allowed crisps, chocolate or ice cream (my three worst things). The meals we eat aren't unhealthy so I'm basically just eating nutritious food. I'm sure my portion sizes are too big, but I'm also breastfeeding so I'm hungrier and I don't want to affect my milk supply.

I'm also doing a 20 minute dvd every day, I can fit it in as it's only 20 mins (I'm using the 30 day shred one).

It's not a miracle but it's working. I'm sure if you changed one or two things you'd start to see results. Snacking in between meals? Fizzy drinks?

Pick the things you'd miss least and go from there.

I would also start doing some form of exercise as I think it helps with motivation. I find this exercise dvd irritating and boring to do, but it motivates me to then not just eat shit afterwards as otherwise there's no point doing the annoying dvd. It's a good motivator for me!

Small goals also work. I want to lose 10lbs by the end of May. I've lost 3,so 7 more to go.

I have struggled with my weight. My DM is stick thin, always has been (ex model), but i got my DF’s genes. Losing weight is 90% diet and 10% exercise. I struggled for years until my DM said to me “if you are not feeling hungry you are not losing weight. Before lunch, before dinner, you should feel really hungry. Hunger is your body craving food, you are giving it less than what you normally give it - good! You are losing weight.”
That is the one thing that helped me to finally lose weight. I lost over 3 stone and have kept it off, touch wood. I was eating too much, simply put. Get used to feeling hungry it isn’t your enemy. No amount of heathy-eating-but-feeling-full diet will help you lose large amounts of weight, they are designed for people who only need to lose a few pounds. You are probably eating way more than your body needs hence the excess is stored as fat.

Being overweight isn’t a crime or a value judgment. You’ve done nothing wrong. All the things that make you loveable, your mind, your spirit, your ability to mother, be a good friend NONE of that has anything at all to do with being overweight.
You have got one life. Enjoy it. Do the things that make you happy. Some of them might be exercise some might be delicious food but I bet eating unhealthy junk food doesn’t make you ‘happy’ I bet it makes you feel like shit.
A change that will stick is something that benefits you in the short and the long term so only do exercise you enjoy or with a friend whose company you love. Only eat foods you like but present then with care and attention.
You’re young. You can be thin or get but you will still be you and I bet you are pretty great so try’s and enjoy whatever path you choose.

@mommathatwearspink I will be honest with you. You sound down and in need of a good support group. If you have friends then reach out, I would love to have a friend to go on walks with and share healthy recipes. If not I don't normally love nor suggest them but one of my ex colleagues had great success with slimming world mainly due to the support network and friends she made.

What a lovely bunch of people - not punching down but building the op up.
Listen to them op. You know the score. There are lots of good suggestions here and the all start with loving yourself and making positive changes. Good luck

You aren't overweight, you are obese. If you carry on this road you will end up dead a lot earlier than you otherwise might. Only you can change your life. I have been there, I am 5ft 3 and weighed between 7 and 8 stone all my life. I had two kids with a short age gap and at my heaviest weighed in at 15stone and was obese, I had pain in my lower back and hips. I couldn't play on the floor properly with my babies. I did slim fast to lose the initial 4 stone and worked out using exercises on YouTube. I have another 2-3 stone to lose and am considering low carbing to achieve this. I had hoped to join the gym as my children are both due to be at preschool from August however now with gyms shut for the foreseeable am going to up my running and use the time the kids are at preschool to work out and focus on me. Cooking and cleaning can wait! It is hard but once you get the initial weight off you will start to feel better. If I can do it, anyone can.

I recommend SW op. I’ve dropped 1.5 stone with very little effort.

I’ve always been opposed to diet plans but so much of SW just makes good sense - I limit fruit and veg, unlimited leans meats and whole grain carbs, measured amounts of dairy and bread and you syn everything else. It’s really helped me get a hold of empty calories and eating for the sake of it.

That should be UNlimited fruit and veg

Intermittent fasting -- and give up sugar right away and completely as it messes up your metabolism and satiety mechanisms. You'll lose a few kilos just doing those two things, in my experience.

And ignore the people who’ve piled on to ‘tell you how it is’

You already know.

All you need to recognise is that at Christmas you could easily be sitting down to lunch 4 stone lighter and so much happier. Because you CAN do it.

You are morbidly obese.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/bmi-calculator/

You knew that before you asked, though.

When you were 9 stones, was a healthy lifestyle and diet?

Were you buzzing around here and there scoffing junk to keep you going?

6 stones doesn't just appear, has the diet and lifestyle caught up with you, or have you developed unhealthy coping strategies around food?

You are morbidly obese.

The PP is right, and here's another goal for you to aim for - going from the morbidly obese category to the obese category!

Please remember you are the same lovely, capable person whatever your size is. It is soooo difficult when you have young children and then it becomes a way of life to put your own needs low down on the list of activities esp if working as well as "muming".

I have had friends whereby the only way they can keep the weight off is to go to weight watchers who were v supportive but then they lose it and stop and on it goes. Ive never been brave enough.
Every few years I have a mad 6 months and lose my weight and it stays off for around a year and then my willpower wilts and on it goes.

Ive come to the conclusion for me, I need to plan it into everyday life and for no one to distract me during those times ... but still not there yet. A visit or phone call with your GP might be useful.

You can do it, when it's the right time, esp putting a plan in place seems to work better.

I've lost over 2 stone recently and I feel SO much better. I was on the 'obese' range before, which was a real surprise as I didn't realise quite how overweight I'd got - when it creeps on slowly it's easy to not really notice it. I was exhausted all the time, my feet really hurt, I was getting backache.

When I got down to BMI 29 I honestly felt like a different person. Loads more energy. So much easier to move around. I'm in the normal BMI range now and I feel fantastic.

I lost weight by Intermittent Fasting (Time Restricted Feeding) which I found much easier to stick to than other diets - Delay Don't Deny. The fasting periods have taught me that I can manage without eating every time I feel tired, run down, stressed, sad - that those feelings will pass even if I don't eat - I'd got used to having a 'pick me up' snack for energy whenever I was tired or a snack to cheer me up if I was upset about something. I realised that actually I don't need to eat as much as I thought I did.

Saying that, what you need to find is something that you can stick to, whether that is IF or something else.

I also found it very helpful to have an encouraging friend who was also losing weight - we shared our weights, food diaries and exercise diaries with each other - it helped me to feel accountable to somebody else. I think Slimming World is similar, where you get weighed in every week in front of the group. Something to make me actually stick to the plan!

Couch to 5k is awesome - doesn’t matter that you get breathless - just start it. 30 minutes three times a week. You can do it! I was amazed how quickly my lung function improved. Doesn’t matter if your ‘jogging’ is initially barely more than walking as it’s only for a minute at a time then you walk. Just do exactly what the app says! Bigger and less fit folk than you have done it! And Vimto is right - first just aim to get your BMI below 40.

You don’t need telling anything, you know! If you want to change you need to make a permanent lifestyle changes not fad diets, boot camp for 3 weeks etc etc.

Find an exercise you actually enjoy not something you make yourself do. Make permanent diet changes, you can still have a treat and enjoy food. Everyone wants a quick fix overnight, it just doesn’t work like that. You need to change not only your habits but also your way of thinking, yes you want to lose weight and look better but it’s about more than that, you want to make permanent changes for your long term health too so it needs to be sustainable.

Eat less/healthier and move more there isn’t a secret to it.

7 years ago or 5 OP?

Op you need to be absolutely honest with yourself if you’re going to properly deal with this