how to be attractive at 35?

[Lilyamna]

I know that’s not old, and some women my age looks incredible, but in my case my looks are definitely on the ‘downward slope’. I feel like giving up on myself, because - what’s the point? I have furrows between my eyes and a wrinkled brow. Deep laughter lines around my eyes, my cheeks are flattening, my face is getting longer and and I’ve got those wrinkles running from my nose to my mouth. My hair is thinner than it used to be and some greys are appearing. I’m getting fatter- I’m no heavier according to the scales, but a definite tummy is appearing. I just don’t feel attractive any more. I could make more effort with my appearance, but I just get upset that no amount of makeup can hide the wrinkles and change of face and body shape. You can’t polish a turd, as they say.

I am single and happily so ... but I do miss that feeling of being attractive to men. I don’t get ‘looks’ any more, and it’s depressing. It’s like I was happy to be single when I knew I could get a man if I wanted. Now I’m not sure I could at all, and I suddenly feel like I’m on the reject pile.

This is all very self-pitying, I know, and I can think of lots of women with wrinkles and grey hair who are stunning. But I don’t know how they do it? Are they just lucky to have a good bone structure or is there something in their attitude? What is that something that keeps women attractive after their physical peak?
Thank you!

Do you smoke? I'm 35 and not an HD brows, immaculate face of make up type of person but to have very deep lines especially around the mouth isn't something I've seen in myself or friends at 35. I have slight crinkles by the eyes if I smile a lot of screw my face up and if I raise my eyebrows into utterly gobsmacked position a few across my forehead. I have only found one or two greys but that might be my gingerness, I have friends who have quite a bit of grey, but that's easily covered if that's what you want. Are you sure you're not making more of things than they are, would a bystander say you have very deep wrinkles?

What is that something that keeps women attractive after their physical peak?

Doing all the things that you have said you can't be bothered to do!

I think, with most there is a lot of unseen effort. Facial exercises, situps, treatments, etc. I also think that if you have always seen yourself as attractive you may feel that it is worth making teh effort to hold on to it. There are also those women who are blessed with good facial structure (strong jaw, good cheekbones), good hair and good skin and crucially, a good diet.

Aren't you worth it, OP? Just some small little changes here and there will make the world of difference and put the spark back in you. Men notice women who make an effort - that's what they respond to. If it boosts you to know you still have it, then you have to highlight it!

Time and money are the key. For the rest of us it's downhill after 30. Or 24 in my case.

I don’t smoke.
The frown lines on my forehead are deep, I have been short sighted since childhood and I think it’s from squinting and working at a computer / reading a lot.
The nose to mouth lines aren’t deep but they are there. I guess I’m not lucky to have ‘good’ ageing genes. Sigh.

@raspberryk I don’t have money, but I have time. Time to do what though? I feel it is too late.

@Lilyamna

You gotta work with what you got!

I bet you are one of those women who always attracted men and never had to make an effort - now, join the rest of us! Just a little effort does boost your own self esteem.

And you have to focus on what you have - not what you haven't/don't like.

Highly recommend retinol serum, it erased my forehead wrinkles in about four months.

@Queen

Which one?

Being happy and comfortable in your own skin, accepting that your faults and working on what you can.
Wearing clothing at suits your body shape and your comfortable in, rather than what is fashionable.
Eating reasonably healthy and exercising.

Not being preserved at “peak 25”.
Because honestly it doesn’t look natural after a while and starts looking weird as hell.

I know this is going to sound like pathetic claptrap, but the best way to be attractive is, well, to be attractive! I don't mean that physically--I mean being a spark, being interesting, being someone people gravitate towards. None of us looks as we did in our early 20s, unless there has been major intervention, but we gain things as we age. I think I get more attention from men than I did 15 years ago, but it's because I'm frankly more interesting than I used to be.

As for physical looksbecause I'm not PolyannaI find skincare gets increasingly important. If you have time but not money, look into getting decent at-home products for 15-20 minutes of skincare a night. You don't have to go the full 10-step Korean skincare regime, but a cleanser, a toner, an essence, and a cream can bring your skin back to life.

For your body, if you're not doing light weights, they can work wonders at keeping you toned. There are tons of easy routines on youtube, and you can buy a couple light weights for very little money.

Also, find clothes that really flatter you. I don't experiment with clothes the way that I used toI'm afraid (happy?) to report that the days of lamé and pleather are behind mebut I have found things that really make me shine.

If you haven't gotten a really good haircut, now is the time. Talk to your stylist about color. Some of the most beautiful and attractive women I know just go grey, but that decision is yours. If you don't want to go grey, a good dye job can bring so much life back to your hair. (Do not go extreme colors like platinum, bottle black or bottle red--this is why you need someone who can inject warmth back into your hair.)

In the meantime, as we are unlikely to be near hairstylists for a while, I highly recommend weekly hair masks if your hair tends towards brittle or dry. Cheap enough, and a feeling of great luxury.

OP, you are only 35 and you are putting yourselves down so much! Please don't, you are still so young and I can promise you that when you look back at photos of yourselves at 35 from my age (55 so twenty years older than you are) you'll realise how beautiful and fabulous you were.

It's so sad to read that women feel they are past their physical peak and getting unattractive at 35. Believe me, that is honestly not the case. Also, you are worth far more than your attractiveness to men, please don't judge yourselves on that.

Getting older isn't something to be scared of, it's fine. I can tell you that in my 50s I've finally got the self confidence to feel fabulous in my own skin. I didn't have the confidence in my 20s or 30s but I do now, along with a don't mess with me attitude that has come with the menopause, and which I am thoroughly enjoying

I’ve known a few women in their 30’s and 40’s that could easily pass for late teens. They all have healthy lifestyles (featuring lots of exercise, minimal alcohol and sugar consumption and plenty of water). They all spend a lot of time and money on their skin as well. Thinning hair can be hidden quite well with a blow dry (speaking from experience sadly). 35 is too young to be ‘ageing’.

Following for advice!

You're only 35! Slap some fake tan and make up on, straighten your hair and go for a jog....and smile! I'm sure you look nowhere near as old as you think you do!

I think the key likes other have said is the unseen effort or 'undercoat' so to speak. Products are often cheap and easy to find if you buy things like face masks, face cream and moisturizer. A better cream for your lines and wrinkles may be worth investing in. I buy a lot of off brands so Avon rip offs of clinique for a 3rd of the price. Beauty treatments when you can afford it are great. Look after yourself - eat well, exercise, meditate, do yoga etc.

Why go grey? Honestly I don't get it. Hair dye is cheap and doesn't look unnatural or damage your hair like it did decades ago. Science yo! Try a semi permanent if you're not sure what shade to go for. The Nice and Easy range I always found gentle enough to keep the natural highlights and low lights so it looked very high end. Have moved on to unnatural brighter colours now I'm older and more confident though Put moisturiser round your ears and hairline before you start. It's not hard to dye your own hair.

What's your style?

And don't try to be attractive to all men. You only want one...

Exercise - combination of cardio (HIIT if you are time limited), body weight exercises/plyometrics and lift proper weights! Download the Skimble app -there are loads of different workouts!

Greys - well you can embrace them or cover them. Try something like Maria Nila wash out colour (highly pigmented conditioner) and see if you like the dyed look. They also do fashion colours. One thing I would suggest is making sure you dye your eyebrows. I'm 36, few greys but almost completely white eyebrows and it's very aging when I don't dye them.

Personally I don't do a "full face" but I always use a decent moisturiser, a tinted factor 50 sunscreen, blusher, eye bag concealer and mascara. Takes 5 mins and I feel more alert and smart.

Take the time to go through clothes and ditch anything aging/that you don't use.

Always stand up straight!

Finally, have a look online and plan for a flattering haircut after lockdown - can take years off you!

Exfoliating your skin regularly makes an enormous difference. As does cutting down on sugar but I’m definitely not one to talk there...

It can work the other way. I’m 38; when I was younger, I had a chubbier, younger face and was probably fatter all over. I also had spots right into my early 30s!

Now, my face has thinned out and looks longer, cheekbones have emerged from nowhere. My son used to constantly grab my long hair so I had it cut into a pixie cut and it’s taken years off me - even though I do have a lot of grey!

I feel better than I have in years (although I think a large part of it genuinely is having come to terms with my physical flaws and realising I have more important stuff to worry about!)

That said, everyone around me could be thinking I am a complete minger. Not sure I would care if they did, TBH.

Drink lots of water! Hydrates the skin too and makes a difference. Making the effort to eat more fruit - mostly melon and berries so water based!

I'm 33 and have noticed on lockdown since I've been doing joe wicks Monday to Friday with the kids plus going for a walk/run and therefore drinking more water, my skin particularly on my face is so much better! Also I've stopped using all the expensive day/night serums and gone back to just using Olay! Also am only wearing a bit of tinted moisturiser and under eye concealer not a full face of make up and I look fine as my skin is better! I agree with the hair masks I like the herbal essences argon oil one!

Also started doing yoga and I feel calmer and it's helped my posture and my constant back ache!

My recommendations: water, fruit, olay, hair mask, exercise, yoga!

I know this may will sound silly but try feeling good on the inside as it makes a difference to what people see on the outside, it sounds like you are hard on yourself and stress shows on our faces. Im in my 40s but look a fair bit younger but believe me i have my off days like anyone. People ask how i stay looking young and i have to say its a mix. I drink lots of water which hydrates your skin making it look healthy, i do like a glass of wine and a girls night but i only drink once or twice a week. I don't smoke which is a massive factor. I dont really wear much make up unless I'm going out or I'm having a rough day. A facial scrub once a week helps to freshen up the face, i use a scrub mitt rather than a moisture scrub because its less messy and cheaper. Most of all put a smile on your face and think positive. It will make a difference.

@QueenOfHell669 please tell which 😊

Time and money as PP said!
Exercise to tone up, Botox if you can afford it, a good skincare regime and a good foundation. If you could get your eyebrows at least shaped and tinted that would give your face structure and you’d always look half done. I find having my eyebrows microbladed and eyelashes done makes a huge difference but it’s not for everyone

Also walk as much as you can rather than drive 🙂

I’m 35, OP and I reckon I look better now that I ever have.
I eat well (most of the time) exercise (most of the time) and use a vit c and retinol serum (most of the time)
I have tons of grey hair but I just dye it. My hair is long and tick and dark and I love it. I used to smoke. I drink - not loads... probably 1 - 2 bottles a week. I drink loads of water.
I don’t even know if these things make a difference.

BUT do you know, the one thing I find the most confidence boosting is LEARNING. I’m fascinated by the fact that, while your looks fade, your brain can only get better! I spend nearly all of my spare time watching lectures, reading books, learning new words and it gives me so many interesting things to talk about. As a result, I do think people actually enjoy talking to me sometimes!

Never ever underestimate how important charisma is - and part of that is confidence. (Not saying I am charismatic- and I’m certainly not that confident!)