To ask you which life you would choose?

[vinoelle]

Posting for traffic here, sorry. We are trying to make some big life decisions about our future and I'm interested in people's opinions about what they would do/ what's important to them and how they would choose.

Essentially we have the option of moving abroad to the Middle East, for a job that would pay a huge amount of money. Life changing money. It would enable us to be mortgage free/ upgrade to the dream home and send our future children to private school. The weather would also be better, we know people out there so would be with friends, and I wouldn't have to work. Currently pregnant with DC1 so wouldn't have to worry about going back to work and have an easier time for young baby/toddler years. Downsides are it's restrictive in terms of going out and about (couldn't pop to a cafe for example but who knows when that's normal again). And we wouldn't be near family. Would be for 2-5 years. Income approx £300k/year

The other option is DH takes a job here in U.K. we get to stay in our lovely home which we love, altho isn't particularly grand. (Could have better house with option 1). We would be near friends, and nearer to family but still 3 hours drive altho would see maybe once a month or so. I would have to keep my job - which I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or bad thing. It pays well and is be part time, but it is stressful. But I might end up hating being a SAHM and at least here would have the option to work, whereas in Middle East I'd be literally trapped at home, unable to leave without husband or work. Money would be good, comfortable, but not great. Probably wouldn't be able to afford private school and would have normal mortgage etc but would manage comfortably. Income £130k/year

Wwyd? (Btw I know we are lucky and both are great options - I'm not stealth boasting or trying to be a knob, so pls don't get offended).

Option 2 - nothing could make me move to a country where women don’t have rights

Btw that wasn’t judgey on you it’s just how I feel - it came across a bit abrupt!

I would stay here but then I am a most unadventurous soul. I wouldn’t cope with what I imagine would be a totally different lifestyle and definitely wouldn’t cope with gender inequality. I’m probably wrong as I don’t know that much about lifestyle over there.
I’d also miss my family but FaceTime and Skype would provide some contact.

As a woman, I would NEVER move to the Middle East. I had to work there for a few days once...that was more than enough! The waiter at the hotel took it upon himself to keep removing my drink before I had finished it (but left the men's). Just no! Unsafe and I couldn't live in a country that didn't allow me freedom and respect...for all the money in the world.

Personally - no amount of money would be worth my freedom as a woman.

UK, definitely. 2-5 years is your child's entire early childhood, that's a long time tot be without support from friends and family. I think our current situation has shown how crap it is not being able to go out for a coffee etc, I would never choose to live somewhere that imposed this on it's residents outside of these extraordinary circumstances. You 'll still be in a home you love and with a very large income here.

Just the way you phrased them - I think you're already leaning towards option 1.

If it were me - I would certainly be tempted by option 1. Mortgage free etc, however it would depend on your realistic ability to visit UK to keep grandparents in the loop with the Grandkids.

I would stay here but that’s because I wouldn’t want to live in an ex pat bubble in another country - without being able to interact with local people and pop to shops/cafes/work etc. I can see how it might appeal to others tho, and if the country were less restrictive I would almost definitely go for it given its 2-5 years. They’re quite different options. What does your gut say?

I would choose option 1 for the short-term infusion of money. It’s temporary but has long-term implications in terms of your children’s education, your dream house...

Option 1 without a doubt.

Option 1 - financial security.

Saudi? I'm not sure I would to be honest. It's a tough life. Oman/Qatar maybe. Kuwait probably not.

That being said it is a lot of money. If you went for two years only and were prepared to suck it up for that long it is a good opportunity to live mortgage free on return. But in order to maximise it you would need to be prepared for the fact cost of living is high and it can be easy to overspend to get over the monotony.

Have either of you visited? How strong is your relationship? Are you prepared for the restrictions and the fact that your husband would become main/only source of support? What sort of community would you be in? Some of the compounds are alright and large enough that you don't have to leave much.

I do have friends who have done it and seen the sacrifices as worthwhile for the lifestyle afterwards but it is a big sacrifice.

I'd definitely stay here.

Money is money. You could always do with a bit more, but it doesn't buy happiness.

I'm not remotely interested in financing private school so that wouldn't be a pull for me.

Having a baby is the time I have felt most vulnerable and I absolutely wouldn't want to add to that by being away from home and support.

The lifestyle in the ME is not remotely attractive to me. I wouldn't want to comply with the sex based restrictions, nor bear witness to the gross inequality or human rights abuses going on around me.

Totally option 1! What an opportunity. I’d just have a solid plan for online learning or similar to boost my prospects upon return.

I’ve been to dozens of countries all over the world and there is only one country I would never want to return to. Dubai. Standing in a very crowded street and realising i was the only female there.
Couldn’t bear to live in a society that had such restrictions on women’s behaviour. I don’t know which country you’re considering but from what you say it sounds similar. Obsessed with acquiring money and ignoring the rights of half of society. There’s only so many gold chains and designer perfumes you can buy to make yourself happier. Absolute dump.

Also 3hs from family isn’t a great deal of support IMO...

It depends whether you can cope with the, quite large, personal sacrifices in the short term for the long term financial security.

I worked abroad for about 6 years and me and my DH managed to save m lot in that time (not nearly the figures you are talking about though!). That allowed us to have a big deposit for a house and buy a wreck in in a good area for which we had the cash to do up. We sold that and bought something else which we would never have been able to afford if we hadn’t had that first lump of cash. So for us it was well worth it. I didn’t work in the ME, it was somewhere culturally very different but was not restrictive.

I do have friends who work in ME who have their small children there and they have a enjoyed it for a short period and are now moving back now that their kids are in primary school.

The adventure would be hard for me to resist (as would the money)!
As clichè as it is , you only live once and this would be something you will tell your grandchildren about. Travel is the spice of life and you will doubtlessly create a support network while out there (probably of ex pats who, in my experience, are a jumble of weird, wonderful and interesting people that are a lot of fun).

I think it depends on the country in the Middle East too, some are slightly better for expats than other! If you have friends there, have a serious conversation with them about their lives and any restrictions they face. I couldn’t live in the Middle East for a long period of time but I think as long as there’s a deadline, you’ll always have that in sight. Plus with all the extra money you’ll have, you can fly back to the U.K or fly family out to see you.

I would move to the Middle East, but only if you are a man. Sounds great for men, good salary and nice wifey at home who cannot go anywhere, cannot work, probably cannot leave with the children (depending on which country). This is not a judgment of your husband, but he very much will have the upper hand (and you don't know what your relationship will be like when the baby is born).

Seriously, DON'T even consider moving. You have ONE great option (1) and one postntially DISASTROUS option (2). I suggest to stay, keep your job and independence and allow yourself and your partner to adjust to one big life change at a time. Good luck!

The UK. You're already doing extremely well compared to many people. Yeah, the money's great, but I wouldn't fancy living in a gilded cage. Any other countries, I'd be up for it - but not one where I couldn't leave/work/go out without a man.

I have a friend who chose option. It was ok in terms of a life. Her mother died whilst she was away. She really really missed the UK. Her husband lost his job and it’s a totally harder to find a job out here now as outwith the loop.

Personally I wouldn’t as I loathe the approach to women, migrant workers and human rights. But that’s not meant to sound judgey.

Option 2.

I have lived & worked abroad and loved it, there are many countries I would happily move to .. but not the Middle East.

Where are you talking in the Middle East? Saudi Arabia or Dubai?

It depends what you want.

Do you want a bit of adventure outside your comfort zone, with the downsides and upsides or do you want to build a nest somewhere familiar?

I think you should try to talk to people who have lived the lifestyle you would be subject to and hear the pros and cons from them. Ask specifically as it’s the details that will make it enjoyable or not and it’s more complicated than what you’re asking here.

I think there are benefits aside from the money, but obviously there are cons too and you would need to be ready to follow the social rules and a swift exit plan. Lots of people manage though.

I would seriously consider any chances to work abroad and we’re hoping to do the same in Singapore in the next few years. I’ve also worked in Morocco and Spain. It really depends what you want from life

It depends on what makes you happy and you need to be honest about that. I think these sorts of decisions reveal the things that you CAN'T put a price on. If you are the sort of person who derives meaning from your income and status symbols then go for it! I wouldn't make the mistake though, of thinking that it is life changing money; it will simply become your new normal and you will soon be looking for the next step up.