To ask you which life you would choose?

[vinoelle]

Posting for traffic here, sorry. We are trying to make some big life decisions about our future and I'm interested in people's opinions about what they would do/ what's important to them and how they would choose.

Essentially we have the option of moving abroad to the Middle East, for a job that would pay a huge amount of money. Life changing money. It would enable us to be mortgage free/ upgrade to the dream home and send our future children to private school. The weather would also be better, we know people out there so would be with friends, and I wouldn't have to work. Currently pregnant with DC1 so wouldn't have to worry about going back to work and have an easier time for young baby/toddler years. Downsides are it's restrictive in terms of going out and about (couldn't pop to a cafe for example but who knows when that's normal again). And we wouldn't be near family. Would be for 2-5 years. Income approx £300k/year

The other option is DH takes a job here in U.K. we get to stay in our lovely home which we love, altho isn't particularly grand. (Could have better house with option 1). We would be near friends, and nearer to family but still 3 hours drive altho would see maybe once a month or so. I would have to keep my job - which I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or bad thing. It pays well and is be part time, but it is stressful. But I might end up hating being a SAHM and at least here would have the option to work, whereas in Middle East I'd be literally trapped at home, unable to leave without husband or work. Money would be good, comfortable, but not great. Probably wouldn't be able to afford private school and would have normal mortgage etc but would manage comfortably. Income £130k/year

Wwyd? (Btw I know we are lucky and both are great options - I'm not stealth boasting or trying to be a knob, so pls don't get offended).

Oops, posted too soon

We never lived there as a family but DH did lots of work in the Emirates, mostly Abu Dhabi , and I visited a lot. His local senior professional contact was a woman - very competent and very in charge.

Option 1 Purely for the financial security.

You have friends already there so that is a plus.

It is a set amount of time.
It isn’t forever

I would go, and if I didn't want to I'd ask DH to go without me. The money is life changing. I'd look to pay down as much as possible on the mortgage then when he's done move somewhere mortgage free and you can have a break from work for as long as you want to. If you both stay in the UK could you downsize so you can stop working for a while. Burnout is a bitch.

Definitely Option 1 if it’s only for 2-5 years. We lived in the Middle East for a few years when I was a small child and it pretty much set us up for life financially. The expat social scene was good fun too and my parents made some lifelong friends.

They were ready to leave after a few years but very glad they did it.

I’ve worked in the Middle East. Really liked Qatar and Oman but OMG the temperatures! 52 degrees in the height of summer! Expat scene is very insular and I wasn’t happy about the school options. I think the life is good (and can earn a shedload of money) for a couple or singles but didn’t want to raise my children there.
Dubai; ok for a holiday (boring though - great if you’re just after the sun and shopping as very little culture ) but not for any longer.
Saudi - big fat no unless you’re a single guy.

That would not be enough for me to hop to the ME, I have worked with men from there and women who have married into it... no way! BUT saying that if I say, hated my job and really wanted to do a 3 year degree and change career and this was a chance to do that without having to work, being able to afford fees etc and I would come out of it with a fabulous new qualification/ career I might consider it. Definitely not for a rest. We all think we want a rest. I bet you'd be bored out of your mind within a month in reality and it could be really unpleasant.

I'm a lesbian so I would, and could never, use option 1, but if I were you, I would be tempted by the financial security and the ability to stay at home with the baby instead of going back to work. Only you can decide, OP.

You’d be essentially selling your rights, and your young child’s impression of the world.
Stay in the U.K.

1 if you could bear it and you were certain that it would be 5 years max (and hopefully less.)

I did something similar when I was pregnant with dc1. It was a bad decision. My now ex was quite a different person once a baby arrived on the scene. My isolation from friends & family at that time was devastating, and I am usually a very resilient person. The sexist macho culture we moved to had an awful effect on exH. It took me 7 years to get out, I was completely at his mercy, no way I could leave, I had to wait until he wanted to leave, which was when he was made redundant. I would exercise extreme caution given the relationship juncture you are at and changes a child inevitably bring.

Really depends where. I lived in kuwait for three years, best decision of my life but three was enough as got homesick. Loved Abu Dhabi and would move there tomorrow. Dubai would live there but not forever. Saudi never.

I've got single female friends who live (or lived) in Dubai and Oman, and they absolutely love it. One is working as a nurse, one worked as a magazine editor, both had/have an amazing quality of life, excellent pay, and don't feel particularly restricted by any of the laws.

I always thought I'd never, ever consider moving there but actually, given how relatively nice their lives are, the money your family could earn in that situation... if I were you I'd think about it, especially if it was Dubai. It's FULL of Westeners now so there's a very expatty vibe, which I imagine is not my scene at all but would mean you weren't horrendously homesick.

The friend who lived out there working as a journalist had an enormous apartment twice the size of my house, a driver and a maid, and regular flights back to the UK, all paid for by the company. She had an amazing time, was well looked after, and is considering going back.

I'd be less concerned about the country in your scenario and more about being isolated if you and your partner were to have any difficulties (as having a new baby and being a long way from home are both very stressful).