To ask you which life you would choose?

[vinoelle]

Posting for traffic here, sorry. We are trying to make some big life decisions about our future and I'm interested in people's opinions about what they would do/ what's important to them and how they would choose.

Essentially we have the option of moving abroad to the Middle East, for a job that would pay a huge amount of money. Life changing money. It would enable us to be mortgage free/ upgrade to the dream home and send our future children to private school. The weather would also be better, we know people out there so would be with friends, and I wouldn't have to work. Currently pregnant with DC1 so wouldn't have to worry about going back to work and have an easier time for young baby/toddler years. Downsides are it's restrictive in terms of going out and about (couldn't pop to a cafe for example but who knows when that's normal again). And we wouldn't be near family. Would be for 2-5 years. Income approx £300k/year

The other option is DH takes a job here in U.K. we get to stay in our lovely home which we love, altho isn't particularly grand. (Could have better house with option 1). We would be near friends, and nearer to family but still 3 hours drive altho would see maybe once a month or so. I would have to keep my job - which I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or bad thing. It pays well and is be part time, but it is stressful. But I might end up hating being a SAHM and at least here would have the option to work, whereas in Middle East I'd be literally trapped at home, unable to leave without husband or work. Money would be good, comfortable, but not great. Probably wouldn't be able to afford private school and would have normal mortgage etc but would manage comfortably. Income £130k/year

Wwyd? (Btw I know we are lucky and both are great options - I'm not stealth boasting or trying to be a knob, so pls don't get offended).

I'd definitely stay.

If you weren't pregnant I'd say send the DH for 2 years and stay here, you could even do that pregnant on the assumption that on that much money he could pop back every couple of months for a few days.

Having been very isolated when my dc were young I definitely wouldn't put myself in that situation for 5 years.

If you do decide to go, take two buckets with you . One for all the shit you’ll see and have to put up with and one for the money you’ll make . Come home when one of them is full . It’s not guaranteed which one you’ll fill first .

@spookybitches I totally agree! I love the Middle East (we moved for my job and DH is here as my dependent spouse) - only people who comment are Brits!

I imagine it does depend where in the Middle East OP ?
Friends lived in Qatar with small children for a few years , and loved it. They had a really nice life, with a beautiful house, and a good friendship group.

@spookybitches I wouldn't base anything on the opinions of people from the internet who, by large, have never even been to visit

But the Middle East is a big place, I’ve stayed in many countries in the region for different amounts of time, some I would love to live in, some I wouldn’t. I don’t think anyone can categorically say they would wish to move there - it completely depends on the country and circumstances. I don’t think you can categorically slag off the thoughts of posters who may have had different experiences in different countries. Of course people have different experiences depending on where and how they live, but part of my judgment is how much of an ‘expat life’ rather than a truly integrated one someone is prepared to have. That’s important for me - it may not be for someone who is happy with that lifestyle and the advantages it brings, so it really depends what the OP is looking for rather than sweeping judgments (positive or negative) about what an entire region of the world, comprising different countries is like....

What the fuck are you buying for 130k to be not enough money to you, surely you should be able to send at least one child to private school for that? That’s an insane amount of money

I'd do it! Rent your house out and bank the money op - but I'd make an exit strategy for 2 years.

And yes, women’s rights are important to me - and in Saudi, although women are now allowed to drive, I would still consider the politics of the fact those who protested for that right are still in prison in appalling circumstances. I would also consider the position other local women have been placed in who have chosen to speak out. And the public silencing of people like Jamal Khashoggi. I don’t know the jobs of the OP and her husband and they may feel it’s important to expand an expat community that helps share their values, but it’s important that these things aren’t simply dismissed and are not shut down by posters who argue others simply don’t know what they are talking about. I think it would be more helpful to refer to particular countries and have a discussion. I have spent happy times in Syria, but wouldn’t move there now given the current situation. I wouldn’t move to Jordan because it didn’t especially appeal and I personally didn’t like Amman, not because I’m lumping it into a ‘Middle East’ block. I would move to Palestine and Jerusalem, and would also consider Oman. It really does depend....

No amount of money would put me in the position of being in a country, with a child, without rights or being able to go out (present situation is obviously an exception).

It's tough but with having gone through 1 year of Mat leave and now 'back' at work I would say #2. This lockdown has shown me that I value my freedom and it is tough being stuck indoors with a young one.

Income £130k/year

This is already a large salary. In the UK, where you have the freedoms and legal protections you have come to know and expect.

Moving to the Middle East for the sake of earning 300 grand a year is greed. If a single man wanted to do that I would have no problem with him. But a husband and soon-to-be father is another matter. If anything goes wrong it's you that will end up suffering.

I have lived and worked in Kuwait, admittedly in late 1980s when it was much stricter. We also returned for a holiday a couple of years ago. I have a daughter living and working in Dubai for past 5 years.
I’d go and work in either of those places in a flash if I had the opportunity!
But only you know what’s best for you and your family.

I'd pick option 1 if it was only 2-5 years

And by the way I got pregnant and had antenatal care there. Friends have had babies there and we all agree obstetric and maternity care is much better, personalised and way in advance of UK.

I did option 1 for two years and no regrets. Some things annoyed me, some things I loved but overall it was amazing. We only left because we had the chance to live in NYC and that was my lifelong ambition so didn't think twice!

The lifestyle was incredible but sometimes a little repetitive. We had such an easy life with everything taken care of and we just had to focus on having a good time. It's a great place to live with young kids

Option 2. I loved travelling and living abroad in my 20s. However, I found having friends and family around for the tough early years absolutely essential! I would also want to raise my kids in a society that aspires to equality and fairness.

Op what country? The ME is a huge region with many different options. I grew in the ME and would go back in a flash. Wouldn't touch Saudi with a barge pole.

We did it with young children for four years and it almost destroyed our marriage as I loved it (in a lovely little expat bubble) and he hated it (witnessing the sharp end of the racism and abuse of human rights daily), but would probably still pick Option 1. Better to regret something you’ve done than something you didn’t do.

I'd let him go over there alone and take turns to fly back and forth. Almost be like military family. I know quite a few people who do this in tech out in the ME. Just he sure contract than he can bail at two years and not forced to stay 5. Possibly not for everyone this option but I'd do it. Shame me as the woman has the tech skills 😆

I would give Option 1 a go. You may love being a SAHM and would really be looking after your future security. If it doesn’t work, you could just come back.

I'm with wuthering frights on this. No way would I choose option 1.

Option 1- I know a friend who did this (as a single woman), worked as a nurse in Saudi. her salary was a lot more than it would be in the U.K. and she met her now DP there. Admittedly he was in the Arms Trade (hardly shocking to meet in KSA) but they are now very loved up in the US with their baby. She has never regretted leaving the U.K.!

Option 2 - I’d never, ever move to the Middle East

I know of a few families around here who did this - was worth it for them as it really pushed them up the property ladder and gave a good financial cushion. Look on expat forums to find some perspectives on expat life in the specific country involved - generalised opinions on here from those who haven’t been to anywhere in the Middle East are not going to be helpful.

We never lived there,