To ask you which life you would choose?

[vinoelle]

Posting for traffic here, sorry. We are trying to make some big life decisions about our future and I'm interested in people's opinions about what they would do/ what's important to them and how they would choose.

Essentially we have the option of moving abroad to the Middle East, for a job that would pay a huge amount of money. Life changing money. It would enable us to be mortgage free/ upgrade to the dream home and send our future children to private school. The weather would also be better, we know people out there so would be with friends, and I wouldn't have to work. Currently pregnant with DC1 so wouldn't have to worry about going back to work and have an easier time for young baby/toddler years. Downsides are it's restrictive in terms of going out and about (couldn't pop to a cafe for example but who knows when that's normal again). And we wouldn't be near family. Would be for 2-5 years. Income approx £300k/year

The other option is DH takes a job here in U.K. we get to stay in our lovely home which we love, altho isn't particularly grand. (Could have better house with option 1). We would be near friends, and nearer to family but still 3 hours drive altho would see maybe once a month or so. I would have to keep my job - which I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or bad thing. It pays well and is be part time, but it is stressful. But I might end up hating being a SAHM and at least here would have the option to work, whereas in Middle East I'd be literally trapped at home, unable to leave without husband or work. Money would be good, comfortable, but not great. Probably wouldn't be able to afford private school and would have normal mortgage etc but would manage comfortably. Income £130k/year

Wwyd? (Btw I know we are lucky and both are great options - I'm not stealth boasting or trying to be a knob, so pls don't get offended).

ArabSprings OP hasn’t even said if it is Saudi she is moving to!
Also posters who’s experience living there was negative is just as valid as your positive experience.

I'd go with option 1, providing you won't be trapped there with baby, should you and DH not work out or you don't want to stay.

There are a lot of +++ in favour: that you can return to your career easily should you need to being a big one. The prospective income is great so 24 hour childcare is available should you need it. And definitely keep your house!!

One just follow the rules

Disclaimer- I haven't read the full thread.

I moved abroad with Dh and then we came back so this is just our experience.
Initially when you return home isn't home anymore. Friends move on, you won't have the same house, neighbours etc and you end up with a feeling that you don't fully belong here or there. I think Neill Diamond summed it up "Well I'm New York City born and raised
But nowadays
I'm lost between two shores
L.A.'s fine, but it ain't home
New York's home
But it ain't mine no more"

The other thing that we found could become a real issue is when one of you really want to stay and the other wants to come home. This can really destroy a relationship.

I also found very much Dh was working and had a career and I had gone from having a great career to almost being a 1950's housewife. My job was to stay at home with the kids and have the dinner ready. When Dh would say this to his colleagues they would say we could get her a volunteer post or a job in Wendy's...I would want to scream do you know how qualified I am!! but unfortunately my qualifications weren't recognised in the USA

Depends where in the middle East - I've done Abu Dhabi as an expat family (my Dad working there, not me) and it was lovely but also quite a few years ago, less keen on Dubai, wouldn't move to Saudi for all the money in the world.

And I wouldn't want to be so far away from family, so for me option 2 is a no brainer!

I lived in saudi. It’s great for families. And it’s changed, so you can drive etc now.

I’d do a few years of the cash if I were you. No mortgage gives you a life of freedom. Although my partner never would do the Middle East. Human rights are pretty terrible. This wouldn’t affect you directly, westerners can generally do what they want, but you’d be there, supporting that system.

I'd stay. Having a baby is going to be a massive adjustment and nobody knows how hard it's going to be til you're doing it. Some mums love being at home, others hate it. I thought I'd be one and I was the other and have seen that happen with friends too. I found having a baby so isolating living in a country I knew well with family 100 miles down the road. You might be different but it dsnt sound like you hate your life here?

Option 1. A great adventure. I learned a huge amount by living abroad for a while. It opens up your eyes in so many ways.

“Middle East” is not a homogenous mass. It’s made up of many countries with very different political and cultural outlooks.

The fact you’ve specified that you wouldn’t be able to pop out makes me think it’s probably Saudi and you couldn’t pay me enough money in the world to live there.

And yes I’ve been there, several times and I always breathe a heavy sigh of relief on departure.

I did it, a good few years ago. DH moved to UAE as an expat and I followed. We were in the same industry and I got a job within my company.
It was a positive experience, in that although I didn’t love it, it broadened my mind; It made a step-change in our finances and I figured out what was important to me.
We’ve lived in a few countries round the world and it was my least favourite but I am glad I had the experience.
I would just make sure you always have an exit fund in case you want to leave in a hurry.

I won't even visit the Middle East, certainly wouldn't live there. However, if you wouldn't find it unbearably oppressive then go for it! That money is amazing (but the money in the UK is brilliant too).

pandemiccrisismode raises a good point. If you move somewhere and have diverging ideas about whether to stay it can destroy a relationship. If you do decide to do it you need to be really clear that you both want it as opposed to one of you going along with it to keep the other happy.

Option 1 as long as you both equally want it. I was an expat several times - lifestyle, easing financial issues, holidays, sun. No complaints from me!

I would choose life here. You have financial security, family and a nice home. The other option is simply money (!) but loss of family and your personal freedoms. Can you imagine how you will feel day to day stuck at home in a foreign country. Not sure it's great for your kids to see you being treated by society as a second class citizen either. The justice system is these countries are so harsh too and foreigners have found themselves trapped with little help from the UK Govt. Obviously you won't be doing anything criminal but plenty of people have found themselves accused of nonsense. Anything could happen there - don't be tempted by £ signs.

Option 1 - definitely. An exciting life with a good income for a few years as foundation for your future. And if it's Dubai or Bahrain, you can go out on your own!

Option 2. No brainer as a woman

Also mean to say - being a new mum can be incredibly isolatinty. I used to live abroad (not in Middle East) and have a young DD. Have often imagined how much harder it would have been abroad without the networks we have here.

Which do you feel would make you happiest OP? Money is money and is certainly a contributing factor in happiness but gut feel, if money were no object what would make you happiest? After all you only live once!

I'd go for option one...surely you'll be able to have lots of paid help so motherhood would be far easier than in the UK.

I would choose option 1, we have lived abroad in several different areas.
But, it only works if both adults want to do it. It causes havoc in relationships if one person is just going along to make the other person happy. It is hard and everyone cracks at something at some point.
I would still always say yes though.

I came on to say Option 1 as the money is amazing then saw you'd be on £130k if ypu stayed here! That's amazing money - I'd stay here.

Also... Being a new mum is already quite isolating. I used to live abroad and have often thought how glad I am that I had DD here and not there (& I was happy there with friends and in laws) . No idea how this would practically work but how would you take your baby to a doctor there if you need a man to take you anywhere? Would you always be relying on someone else just to leave the house?

I would not consider option 1 unless I was 100% certain of my marriage. I have a friend who moved to Dubai for her husbands work- she is miserable and her husband is abusive but she has practically no rights to leave him- there is no support. She is brutish but Muslim though- it might be different if you are not muslim. I’d do a lot of research if I was you and find out what my rights were if the relationship breaks down

I'd go. I grew up in the ME and loved it.

It set my parents up for life financially, and if the opportunity arose for me to do the same with my family I would jump at the chance.

I'd go for option 1. To have financial freedom in the future would be 100% worth the short term restrictive lifestyle. I know people who have lived in the Middle East and absolutely loved it.