To not want to tell my 'MIL' the sex of our baby

[SamSamA]

Bit of background:
Ive been with my partner 3 years now, currently live with him (and my 6 year old from a previous relationship) and his parents for the past year.

Baby was planned and my partners mother has been excited about it since before i was pregnant. Not her first grandchild by the way. She already got stuff for the baby within a week of finding out even though I've asked her not to. She ignored me and continued to buy things. I told her again thank you but I don't want to her to get anymore things for the baby as my partner and I want to do it ourselves. But said if there's anything we really need after that we will let her know and she's more than welcome to buy what we ask for, rather than stuff we don't want or need. She said ok and I thought it was done with.
Fast forward to a week ago and she asked about my 20 week scan which is next week and said she can't wait to know what we're having as she's bought loads of girl clothes and can't wait to show me. And also has 'plans' depending on the baby's sex. Then proceeded to show my partner the bags stuff she's gotten which he said is several black bags worth. She wouldn't let him look inside thought. I refused to go see as I was annoyed.
I told my partner that day I don't want to tell anyone what we're having but didn't tell him it's solely because of his mother as I know as soon as she knows the sex she's going to get more stuff. Just said I wanted it to be a surprise and he said that's fine but when he told his mother a few days later she wasn't happy.
I know I sound ungrateful but with my first child my abusive ex boyfriend took over like I was literally just there to push out the baby and that's it. Determined to have some sort of control this time round.
Anyway 'MIL' is complaining that I'm being unreasonable as I'm ruining her plans. The thing is i don't actually mind and I do want to tell people, in fact I really wanna tell my sister and my mum, but just not her.
So AIBU if i tell my partner and his family that we're not telling anyone but then tell my family what we're having knowing they will keep it a secret?

It is funny because no one mentioned anything about gender disappointment until the last 4-5 messages, this is not a thread about gender disappointment but about wanting to keep some level of privacy during your pregnancy.

Well in the OP's case she needs to make a choice about whether she wants a certain level of privacy during her pregnancy, or whether she wants a free roof over her head (and that of her existing child, who is not even biologically related to her partner's mother).

Starting to feel quite sorry for the MIL here. I can see where this is going. They've lived under her roof for an extended period of time, and now just because she has gone a little bit OTT in her excitement about a new grandchild, she's going to be repaid for her kindness by not being told the sex of the baby when other people are allowed to know, and no doubt kept at arm's length once the OP has moved out of her home and the baby is here. It sounds like the OP is using her tbh.

Also in case it comes up again as I've said it already, the reason we wanted to have a child now is because the tablets my doctor believes will help me the most is one that I can't conceive on for three years.

So you're not taking tablets you've been advised to take by a neurologist in order to conceive? This part is confusing me.

Maybe it's time you and your little family found a place of your own?

Anyway if you don't like the stuff don't use it simple. If you have your own place she won't be able to complain.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

This is why one does not live with one's boyfriend's parents.

Hi SamSamA I totally get your point ..although it is great to have family excited for a new arrival and everone loves buying things for a new baby ..but it is annoying when someone goes OTT..
when my daughter was pregnant we went shopping together.. I wanted to buy her pram but for her to choose the one she liked ...we both had lots of fun trying the different ones...
so whether you find out the sex or not share the fun of preparing for baby.. go shopping together have lunch ..have fun and it brings everyone closer

And good luck for when little one arrives and for moving into your new home xx

I find that strange and still overbearing @Adelebo, surely it should've been your daughters and the father choosing the pram? We paid for our grandsons prom, but our son and his wife chose it between them. It was their choice not mine and my sons.

I told my mum and sister. No one found out. You're baby, you do what you feel is right for you and DP.

@hesgotit...sorry you find it strange ....I offered to buy the pram ...his mum offered to buy the cot ...I did just offer the money for them to buy but SIL hates shopping of any kind and happy with DD choices ... She chose exactly what she wanted and lots of extras (both parents loved the pram)and I was happy i had bought something useful for my grandchild ...plus we had a lovely day ..if i see something i think they would like i always ask them before I buy ...happy to help not to take over!!
my point was more about sharing the excitement of the new arrival rather than resentment building between them ...going shopping with her mum in law having a coo over the cute baby things ...mum in law could spend her money on something they actually want and everyone is happy xx

@Adelebo what's with the xx?

Odd!

It's not about the GPS, it's about the parents! That's it's really.

@Adelebo a disinterested SIL is a worry, it's not about "don't like shopping" it's about he will be pushing the pram, is it adjustable to his height, is it easily moveable to both of them? Is it comfortable for both of them?

I'm sorry but I find it odd that a soon to be father "doesn't like shopping" to find something that needs input from both, they're both presumably going to be using the item?

Would he like shopping if it were a car?

@hesgotit Dont worry yourself nothing 'odd' about my SIL hating shopping he.s a professional who works very long hours ...He trusts his wifes decisions as she his ..they are a fantastic team! both love the pram and its perfect for both parents to use!
Its not about the GPS, its about the parents ....seriously 'odd' comment!!
It is about a new life being born into a loving supportive family ..grandparents can be a fantastic support as this lady.s MIL obviously is ...just a bit overexcited at having a new grandchild to buy for ....i was offering some constructive advice to SamSamA and wish her family well for the future!
Support and well meaning positivity is always better than negativity ...In a world where you can be anything Be Kind!!!

Can I ask why are you all living together? Why can't you you go and get a place of your own? Is MIL and FIL paying for you to live there with them?