To hate my husband for selling our house (and we're now renters)

[formerhomeowner]

Not sure where to post this, here or relationships, but help me out and tell me if I'm being unfair/U or perfectly well within my rights to feel this way.

5 years ago my self-employed DH took the decision to take out a loan to secure some cash to live off while a business deal was being sorted. At the same time he inherited some money which would have been enough to pay off the loan and then some. He decided to further invest in this company in the hopes he'd make good on his investment. The deal didn't pay off and no return on investment materialised. We were forced to sell our house to pay off the loan. FWIW the house was his, in his name, I wasn't contributing to mortgage or bills at the time as I was going through several rounds of IVF in the hopes of starting our family.

We are now in private rented accommodation, in a 2 bed flat with 2 preschool age DC and very little prospect of ever being homeowners ever again, especially now as DH is 46.

Am I right to be eternally annoyed at him (I bring it up often, especially in the midst of an argument)? Or should I cut him some slack as he was making the decision in good faith and that this is just life?

Running your own business is always a risk. You also did not see the risk and decided not to work and contribute to your income, so you're just as much to 'blame' as your husband. Hindsight is both wonderful and dreadful. Perhaps you felt shut out of his decisions, and that's where your real issue is? Do you feel undermined generally in your relationship?

My OH worked for many years in his industry and decided to start up on his own. It was a big risk and meant that I never felt confident enough to fully rely on his income as I'm very risk averse but fully supported him in what he wanted to do. I didn't take my full year mat leave and went back to work full time which wasn't ideal for me but I preferred that to living in fear. These big decions have to be made together, otherwise there is, always a risk of resentment.

Incidentally, it's just as well I didn't give up work as he ended up with an illness which has left him unable to work. I sometimes feel angry that we are not where we 'should have been' in life had that not happened, but angry with the situation rather than at him. Bad luck can happen to anyone and can take many forms. We're all more financially vulnerable than most of us would ever believe. You have a home and a family - things could be worse, but I understand the disappointment and sense of loss at what 'should have been'. Perhaps you'd benefit from some couples' counselling.

They were PARTNERS. They were TRYING to have a baby

Oh go and Give your head a wobble will you? Being partners and trying for a baby doesn’t absolve you from any form of financial responsibility for years on end. It doesn’t mean you get to benefit from your partners earnings, and complain when it’s not good enough in your view .

The ops taken it on the chin. You haven’t. Has it touched a nerve?

What crazy crazy lady said.

You are where you are now and I think you need to look to the future with your DH. Get a plan together of what you want to achieve and work out how to get there.

You did as much to put your family's finances at risk with the IVF as he did with the business. You are both responsible for your family's monetary fate. If you had not thought out what all this was going to cost at the time, you were both gambling.