Who should pay?!

[Boatymcboatofftheboat]

The specifics of this are incredibly outing so changing a few of the details (hopefully it still makes sense! Please bear with me):

My friend has a boat she can no longer afford. I am interested in her boat, but not 100% sure I need one at this time. We had an agreement before lockdown that I would have 100% ownership of the boat for a trial period of 2 months (all of April and May). I would pay costs totalling 350£ a month for this period. In exchange I would have 100% use of the boat and my friend would not use it at all. Because of lockdown I am not able to use the boat, but I agreed to pay before this and a deal is a deal/I value my friendship so have paid for April and planned to pay for May. However my friend has mentioned several times that she has been using the boat during April.

DH thinks I would be crazy to pay for May as agreed since I have not used it and actually friend is using it which breaks our agreement/essentially means I am paying for her to use her own boat.

I am in two minds as I value her a friend and don’t want to be petty, and lockdown is not her fault obviously - but equally I’ve paid one month and I am rankled she has been using it.

YABU - pay for May as agreed
YANBU - you paid for one month already and that’s enough/don’t be a mug

Also yes to ‘green and arthritic.’ Why? Why would you want that unless it is free? And clearly it isn’t or you wouldn’t be complaining about having to pay for it while the owner (who is responsible for the veterinary upkeep of this arthritic creature and who has clearly been able to get on this green horse to give it a bit more mileage) ‘uses’ it. This sounds like a recipe for unhappiness.

I saw that you were in vulnerable category and the stables have advised you not to go up, but that doesn’t really changed things. You could break a leg while you have a horse and still have to pay! Horses are a huge commitment and you don’t really seem to recognise that.

I do have sympathy though about your friend changing her mind regarding selling the horse. But really you should had a loan with a view to buy contract sorted out - in which case you would be asking your friend to exercise this horse to keep it fit for the time you got back to being able to ride it again and would not allow your friend to change her mind about selling.

You seem like a bit of a novice( no offence intended)
, many people view a horse 2 or so times...get it vetted and exchange money/ownership. You just want to have your foot half in. Why don’t you take a loan horse for a while after lockdown and see if you really do want the commitment, but in the meantime I think you should honour the deal you made with your friend and pay up!

@backinthebox

There’s no real way of answering that without getting into a complicated and outing backstory. It’s a wonderful horse - it just wouldn’t be easy to sell and another option friend was looking at was to just turn it out into a field/retire it. But at only 11 that’s a huge shame and as I’m looking for a horse and I enjoy bringing a horse on etc it seemed like a good idea.

This whole situation has just put me off slightly on account of the clusterfuckery.

This thread has cheered me up no end though 😁

Is this the panda? he might be costly to feed 🤔

I think timeshare villa would have been a good substitute.

@cz123

You have completely misread the situation. I’ve been riding/had my first pony since the age of 3. Certainly not a novice!

I don’t understand why you can’t see that this isn’t a usual horse purchase/arrangement, because it’s between two friends?

We also did have a contract but never got round to signing it! I don’t want to have my foot “half in” - we both thought it was the best way to do it, to see if things worked out. It was a decision we reached as friends.

@JKScot4

Jesus Christ; it’s my husband

@Lougle

Of course you do, presumably one with a hot tub time machine?

Ah ok. First month of panda ownership and this happens I can understand your disappointment.

She shouldn’t have taken your money. I think the fact you paid anyway says a lot about you, but no, lockdown plus distancing plus essentially barred from the yard means all deals are (temporarily) off.

Take this as an opportunity to rethink.
There’s loads of cracking horses on FB at the moment and everyone seems to be holding off viewings until lockdown is over. There’s no rush and it will be something to look forward to.

Again, op would need to define green and arthritic. There's a big difference between a brilliant bombproof hack that's a bit green in terms of a competition record, with x-rays that show arthritic change from an old injury and no symptoms, and an aged or hammered one that hasn't progressed beyond the level of a just backed 4yr old.

I was reading that first post going ‘that’s a cover for a horse trial / loan with view to buy situation’

@Vieve1325

Inspector Clouseau, is that you?!

There you go!! definitely go for it, a wee panda pal for your DH 🤣

No, I was being sincere It accounts for a possibly attractive item, but luxury so not sure you need it. Corona affected usage. Friend still used it because local, perhaps.... I was just thinking of an alternative that worked.

Are you for real? How can you pay someone not to 'use' their horse? Surely someone has to look after it
Just ask her for your two months 'trial' after the lockdown instead. Poor animal. You don't exactly sound very sure about it.

I read it to DH and he said 'it's a horse' straight away, though.

Look OP, this trial isn't going to work out currently. We are in mad times and you can't visit the yard because it isn't essential given that panda-horse is on full livery.

I'd ask your friend to put everything on hold until the world goes back to normal. IF she still wants to sell and you still want to buy, then start again.

If you value the friendship, I'd forget about April. She shouldn't have ridden the panda-horse, but you know what panda-horse people are like for clucking over their panda-horses. State firmly that you need to postpone everything and make it clear that you won't/ cannot do a May trial/ payment.

These are weird times, we all need to give people the benefit of good faith, where we can/ trust them.

What a completely bizarre post.

@TrainspottingWelsh

Green as in usually ridden very sporadically with months off at a time so exceptionally jumpy (to the point of dangerous at the moment after the last set of hock injections rendered box bound plus a winter in the box), very difficult to get on the bit due to lack of schooling and mixed messages from a number of sharers.

I do think a large part of me is talking myself out of it as I’m disappointed at how this month has been/not being able to ride or see horse, and that friend is reconsidering the sale so what’s the point of getting involved now.

@Dieu

RTFT all these points are covered.

Also, embrace the bizarreness like everyone else has

@Ineedflour
given that panda-horse is on full livery
best sentence I’ve read today 🤣🤣

I knew it was a horse too

But I own a horse so your description made sense to me.

Very odd situation but no I don't think you should have paid for April (your friend is a CF for expecting/accepting that in the circumstances - at the end of the day the horse is still hers and her responsibility and I think it's damn rude to have you take over payment in a month where nobody can ride). I don't necessarily think she is that wrong to have ridden (seeing as you couldn't go up,) but definitely wrong to have let you pay!

Definitely do not pay for may!

Also, green AND arthritic? Doesn't sound amazing! Unless there's something very special about it then you might be better finding something nicer...

@Lougle

Ok I see your thinking. But everyone would have been like please fuck off with your time share problems at this time!

Spoiler: It’s really a time share. In Cuba.

Your DH is smarter than mine, certainly.

@Ineedflour

What a sensible post.

I see that you are well versed in the art of Panda-horsing

@elessar

Thank you for the input , and also for not trying to send me to the tack room when all I’m really trying to do is sort out my boat 😁