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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who should pay?!

288 replies

Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 21:17

The specifics of this are incredibly outing so changing a few of the details (hopefully it still makes sense! Please bear with me):

My friend has a boat she can no longer afford. I am interested in her boat, but not 100% sure I need one at this time. We had an agreement before lockdown that I would have 100% ownership of the boat for a trial period of 2 months (all of April and May). I would pay costs totalling 350£ a month for this period. In exchange I would have 100% use of the boat and my friend would not use it at all. Because of lockdown I am not able to use the boat, but I agreed to pay before this and a deal is a deal/I value my friendship so have paid for April and planned to pay for May. However my friend has mentioned several times that she has been using the boat during April.

DH thinks I would be crazy to pay for May as agreed since I have not used it and actually friend is using it which breaks our agreement/essentially means I am paying for her to use her own boat.

I am in two minds as I value her a friend and don’t want to be petty, and lockdown is not her fault obviously - but equally I’ve paid one month and I am rankled she has been using it.

YABU - pay for May as agreed
YANBU - you paid for one month already and that’s enough/don’t be a mug

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
WhereYouLeftIt · 25/04/2020 22:37

"We had an agreement before lockdown that I would have 100% ownership of the boat for a trial period of 2 months (all of April and May). I would pay costs totalling 350£ a month for this period. In exchange I would have 100% use of the boat and my friend would not use it at all. Because of lockdown I am not able to use the boat, but I agreed to pay before this and a deal is a deal/I value my friendship so have paid for April and planned to pay for May. However my friend has mentioned several times that she has been using the boat during April. "Not only would I not be paying £350 for May, I'd be asking for the £350 I paid for April back. She owes you that money! And the fact that she actually told you she'd been riding the horse when she'd agreed not to - and still let you pay for 'exclusive' access - she is showing a total disrespect for you, OP.

Windyatthebeach · 25/04/2020 22:38

Dragon? And your friend is called Khaleesi.

What happens if the horse needs a vet? Who is responsible?
Her as owner?
You as trial owner?
Her as secret rider?
The stables?
Or it's a ninja turtle and you are Donatello(a)?

DarkPassenger · 25/04/2020 22:38

I guessed it was a horse by the third post! ❤️🐴

So pleased to skim down and see confirmation!

Going back to read now but YANBU Grin

Tumbledryer1 · 25/04/2020 22:40

Ask for your money back due to lockdown and change in circumstances. If she values the friendship and much as you do she’ll just give you the money back and go back to square one. Not like you’ve used it.

Thehop · 25/04/2020 22:40

Definitely don’t lay May OP.

You’ve been given some great wording.

I’d also
Point out that if she’s uncertain of selling you also don’t want to invest more money and emotions.

And say hi to your sailing panda

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:41

@Windyatthebeach

She is responsible for the vet as the actual owner. I am covering livery and farrier.

If she’s Khaleesi, am I Lord Friendzone or Missandei?

OP posts:
cz123 · 25/04/2020 22:41

The yard has banned you from riding... the horse still needs exercised.

If your horse goes lame for 6 months - you still pay livery etc. It’s no different. You agreed to take the horse on so you should pay.

Why wouldn’t you post I the tackroom, most people on the main forums have no idea about the intricacies of keeping a horse and to be honest it seems like you are running away at the first sight of difficulty - so yes, let her sell the horse to someone else. Otherwise it might just have to change hands again when something else happens and you can’t get up to the stables for a while . You seem to have no concern for the horses welfare - just the fact you haven’t got “use” out of the horse.

raffaroo · 25/04/2020 22:41

I thought it was going to be a caravan 🤷🏼‍♀️

NoProblem123 · 25/04/2020 22:42

You font sound like you REALLY REALLY want a horse tbh.
Before lockdown you weren’t sure and now you’re not exactly grabbing the opportunity to get down there and ride it. I understand the whole full livery/distancing as I’m currently in the same position, but I’m planning for when this is all over, organising lessons, sorting transport out, planning new pole work exercises, and in lots of discussions with horsey friends on a daily basis both at the yard and on other yards about.
You don’t sound that invested.

Tell her the deal is off until after lockdown to give yourself time to decide if you really want this, or in fact any horse.
Let her continue riding horse so it’s not feral if she still decides to part with it.

Also I was convince it was a caravan and she was caravan squatting 😁

Bluewater1 · 25/04/2020 22:42

Loving this thread!!!
@MNHQ please move this to classics! Grin
I really want to loan the panda from you Grin

macaroniandpizza · 25/04/2020 22:43

Yanbu your friend is a cheeky mare and id be telling her to give me my £350 back and telling her your not paying for may as well

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:46

@cz123

Did you read the email the yard sent? No one was supposed to go there for a number of weeks. Not just me, no one. And no one did! My friend included.

This isn’t the normal scenario, is it? It’s not a horse going lame or needing treatment. It’s a bizarre pandemic with a set of rules. If it were my horse and I owned it I would be paying the yard to exercise or put it in the walker as I can’t go myself. But my friend has been going anyway. Which, as I said, is fine obviously as the horse gets exercised! I’m just saying that none of this fulfils the loan agreement. No ones fault as it’s an exceptional situation but is it still fair to pay for 2 months or is it fair to split the difference?

OP posts:
Notthetoothfairy · 25/04/2020 22:47

If you’re paying for two months’ use of the submarine, then that’s what you should have. That two months should start after lockdown and you definitely shouldn’t pay for the second month now.

As the owner, it was your friend’s tough luck that the helicopter yard banned sailing for the first few weeks of lockdown. Otherwise, the £35,000 you have paid will entirely benefit the owner and not you, so you will have effectively given her that money for absolutely nothing (she doesn’t want to sell and I also get the impression you don’t want to buy the salamander).

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:49

@NoProblem123

I don’t sound invested now, no. Because I haven’t seen the horse in a month or done the trial I’ve paid for, and my friend is no longer sure about selling. If you’d asked me a month ago I was extremely excited - hence buying the stuff and assuming all would
Go well.

I’m
Certainly
Not going to start organising big things for the future or get more attached if my friend doesn’t then want to sell. Tbh I just feel very disappointed.

I wish it was a Panda in a lot of ways - much easier I reckon.

OP posts:
monkeymonkey2010 · 25/04/2020 22:50

I wouldn't pay.
She's not selling anymore.
She's using the horse for leisure (as stables take care of exercise).
So she pays for her usage.

You've had one month of the trial - and she hasn't kept to her end of the bargain by not using the horse for leisure.
Therefore the verbal contract is null and void.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 25/04/2020 22:51

Of course you shouldn’t pay for May & she should offer you April back/a replacement month in the future.

I’d be interested to hear other suggestions people would have substituted for horse...
Have you learnt nothing from the painted panda/horse/boat/car/submarine!!?? Grin

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:51

@Notthetoothfairy

I’m not sure if your comment is easier or harder to follow than the OP.

OP posts:
monkeymonkey2010 · 25/04/2020 22:52

Be careful you don't get roped in to paying for 'ad hoc' usage.....

Inthemuckheap · 25/04/2020 22:52

I wish it was a Panda in a lot of ways - much easier I reckon.

Nah eats too much bamboo which is expensive.

A green & arthritic panda - I'd pass personally!

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:52

@Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons

Haha yes but what would people have written in the OP as a serious substitute so as not to be rumbled? What would a more believable substitute than boat have been? Tractor? Dog? Paddling pool?

OP posts:
TomTomRunner · 25/04/2020 22:52

She shouldn't have taken any money for April with lockdown, plus you being vulnerable, and then riding it herself. CF. I hope she isn't a very good friend as she sure isn't behaving like one.

TrainspottingWelsh · 25/04/2020 22:57

@Boatymcboatofftheboat green and arthritic doesn't exactly sound like a quick seller, but lwvtb and the owner still covering vet bills is still an agreement very much in the buyers interest, not the sellers.

As for alternatives to calling them horses, dp has a selection depending on the horse/ situation. Your time vaccum is common, and the savings pot/ pension fund is quite a popular choice, as that's where most of my money goes. One he generally refers to as the vets retirement fund or the money pit.

Honeyroar · 25/04/2020 22:59

Why would you even want a green horse with arthritis? Keep looking!

backinthebox · 25/04/2020 23:04

Wow! This thread makes me so glad I keep my horses at home and no livery, boats, cars, pandas, trains or confused friends involved!

DarkPassenger · 25/04/2020 23:04

Hot air ballon OP, you should have said you were paying a massive premium to use your friend's hot air balloon that overwinters in a hermetically sealed very expensive location 🐼🐴🚗🚤🚁🎈

YANBU and she should already have cancelled the trial and told you not to worry about paying for May, if not also refunded you for April. Unless she has some cunning plan for you to have two 'free' trial months when this is over. And it's all complicated further by her now becoming attached to the horse. Why wasn't she attached to it before?