The girl who lives opposite to me and other tales of horror

[cookingmywaythroughlockdown]

So the girl who lives opposite has had her boyfriend around two days in a row. They sit at opposite ends of the drive and TALK.

Aibu to call the police, the fire brigade and the exterminators?

Never mind Covid, they make the place look untidy!

And I saw two people TALKING when I was out. Like it was a normal day.
Monsters.

Aibu to spend my lockdown photographing and hounding the dregs of humanity?

I live in a world heritage site you know. Standards must be maintained.

Safest to stay inside with curtains closed, wear a foil hat and dodge the 5g masts as well as the untidy neighbours.

Throw them a couple of bags of crisps (that you’ve soaked in antibac) and tell them to go and sit in the park after they’ve had their wee walk.

Throw them a couple of bags of crisps (that you’ve soaked in antibac) and tell them to go and sit in the park after they’ve had their wee walk

Nooooo not crisps...not in the park .

Did she pay less for her house too?

House is not as naice as mine and they have dogs too. Ugh.

People TALKING? What, like normal people? Off to the re-education camp with them! I so wish I'd been there to give them a hard stare.

Yup talking. Careless bastards were using their lungs from r something other than covid survival.

OP rather than call out the already stretched services, I insist you take the matter in to own hands.

Order yourself a Nerf Gun and bullets. Browse the stock carefully, some or them are like weapons of mass destruction. The larger models would reach across the road and they do 'rapid fire' for a proper warn off.

It will be good for your hand to eye coordination and will rid the neighbourhood of unsightly lovers

Good luck OP

Disgraceful behaviour. Call The Police (not the force, Sting & his mates) to come and sing Don't Stand So Close To Me at a socially approved distance while you hose the couple down with cold water to cool their ardour.

Or call in an air strike.

Harrumph.

I would handle this Hot Fuzz style:

I would lean out the window, sound the air horn, and then start speaking Loudly into a walky talky - “Female suspect continues conversation across 2 meters of open air with her casual male mating partner and they discuss the days events. Both suspects appear to be pissed off. Neighbourhood Watch Alliance do you copy? I need back up! Village of the Year here we come! Over and out”

Then vanish!

I'm going do Oppressive Weeding at the front.

Shall I cough whilst doing so?

@bananaskinsnomnom I love you a bit

@bananaskinsnomnom - For The Greater Good.

Monsters 🤣🤣

@bananaskinsnomnom

Does the male partner have a great big bushy beard?

I'm going to put a table and chairs in my front garden and sit and shout at my neighbours: "two walks today no.64.... and pick up her dog shite you dirty bastatrds!" And the likes.....
With wine of course. It's my civic duty!

I'd check with the local council too, I bet your house is in a higher council tax band than his. Bastard. Breathing your expensive air with his Covid 19 riddled lungs.

needed I think.

Clang your pots and pans loudly from so the NHS have time to heed your warning about such revolting people.

Hopefully, the noise gets them to start clapping.

God forbid they start dancing.

OP you know the rules.

Diagram or it didn't happen.

Never mind the police - call in the Army!

These people are literally serial killers. They're murdering little old ladies, fluffy kittens, and tiny puppies with their monstrous ways.

This is a great thread, cheered me up no end....

So the girl who lives opposite has had her boyfriend around two days in a row. They sit at opposite ends of the drive and TALK.

The youth of today!

Consorting with a male in public.
OP you have a house of ill repute opposite. I suggest a fit of the vapours and appropriate swooning (it might be a good idea to hang a small sign around your neck stating you have not collapsed due to COVID 19 before you swoon to avoid awkward explanations to mightily pissed off paramedics)

Oh no. Please tell me they're not sitting there and drinking... lager??

I personally have fashioned a few hula hoops into one large mega-hoop, exactly 6-foot in radius, so that strangers cannot penetrate me or my personal space.

I'm thinking of getting a sensor alarm fitted that screeches GET AWAY LEPER to save me having to do it myself.