The girl who lives opposite to me and other tales of horror

[cookingmywaythroughlockdown]

So the girl who lives opposite has had her boyfriend around two days in a row. They sit at opposite ends of the drive and TALK.

Aibu to call the police, the fire brigade and the exterminators?

Never mind Covid, they make the place look untidy!

And I saw two people TALKING when I was out. Like it was a normal day.
Monsters.

Aibu to spend my lockdown photographing and hounding the dregs of humanity?

I live in a world heritage site you know. Standards must be maintained.

Think you've missed the entire point and tone of the thread jwpetal, how on earth did you manage that?

My neighbours had the temerity to whatsapp an offer of a food delivery the other day. Don't worry though, I swiftly destroyed the phone and barricaded the doors.

Cherry Coke? Anyone who drinks that is a wrongun and should be reported to the authorities post haste and forthwith!
Funny thread, thank you

I'm thinking of getting a sensor alarm fitted that screeches GET AWAY LEPER to save me having to do it myself. You could get a set of the reversing alarms you get on cars?

We had a complaint on community FB page, someone was mowing the local park. IS IT REALLY ESSENTIAL? I wish they'd mow mine- the grass is halfway up my shins, and it's very awkward walking the dogs.

Today I walked up to the shop and purchased a loaf of bread and a bottle of wine. I’m sorry if anyone spotted me and has had a sobbing/shaking (shobbing?) episode due to my ruthless, murderous actions.

@managedmis I am honoured to reach the ranks of “favourite comment” award

Shocking. I'm just off to sit at the top of the valley where I live in Wales throwing rocks at any groups of passers by on the footpath below, whilst shouting "Oh! What's occurring?? Two Metres apart it is!!"

Had to go to the shop today as we've run out of leather shoes to eat (luckily we are not a vegetarian household). Someone spoke to me while I was in the queue to go in, actually spoke to me! So of course I had to disinfect my ears when I got in.

My mother called me from her car yesterday to complain about the amount of cars on the road. Just no need for all this driving about willy nilly. I informed the MoD immediately

So of course I had to disinfect my ears when I got in.

Well, more fool you, forgetthehousework (with your less-than-sanitised user name! Hmph) - what were you doing without your preventative bleach-soaked earmuffs on anyway?

Some people say they make your ears drop off; I say that's 2 fewer things to boil in Zoflora when you get home.

(I would also assume cat's-bum mouth, but I obviously don't smoke and am worried people might think I got the wrinkles from giving blow jobs.

Erm.... whatever they are...)

(I would also assume cat's-bum mouth, but I obviously don't smoke and am worried people might think I got the wrinkles from giving blow jobs

😂

My neighbour spoke to me when I was in the front garden. We were about 4m apart but some of the flowers were nearer. Should I bleach the flowers or is a flamethrower the only option?

I bought a cucumber today. Is that better or worse than buying two?

Shall I turn myself in??

Apparently sales of flamethrowers have gone through the roof so I doubt you'd get one now. You should have added it to your prepper stash months ago. You might get a water cannon if you go early to the shop. 3am should do it.

And the cucumber - begins with same letter as corona so clearly wicked. I hope you've boiled it.

In these days which can be very boring, I love the replies to this post😂😂😂

@OVienna

at NextDoor being the Opus Dei of neighbourhood watch!