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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my neighbour

215 replies

Unluckyinlove2 · 15/04/2020 15:16

Just need some perspective at the moment. I live in tiny Top floor flat. Have 2 kids aged 2 & 3. I’m a single parent working full time from home due to what’s happening. It’s a shit show. They don’t do much all day but watch tv as I try to work between feeding them and taking care of their needs. We might do some lego or some jigsaws but nothing structured.

Since lockdown has began my new neighbours below me have knocked on my door every single week to inform me that they can’t get any work done due to the jumping and noise my kids are making. I apologised every time and explained I’m trying my best and that I had never had a noise complaint before I’m assuming cos we were always out. She seemed quite understanding but She has now resorted to leaving me written notes outside my door still complaining. To make matters worse she has filed a formal complaint to the council.

I can’t see any way around this. I’ve tried my best to get them to stop running around. I put them to bed at 6pm so this is daytime noise. I’m trying my best in an already difficult situation. If this pandemic wasn’t happening my kids would be in nursery and I would be at work. Instead we are cooped up in a flat with no garden constantly worrying about if our movements are too loud.

AIBU on telling them to back off and be a bit more understanding cos at this point i feel like they are bullying me

OP posts:
Bananasandchocolatecustard · 15/04/2020 15:19

You are doing your best. Do you have wooden floors? If so some rugs may help reduce the noise a little.

Freddiefox · 15/04/2020 15:19

You are never going to be quite enough for her.
Do you have carpets? Tell her once you are trying your best, but you all live in flats and noise travels. Then just ignore her.

LilacTree1 · 15/04/2020 15:21

Thick rubber mats might help.

TimeAintNothing · 15/04/2020 15:21

I'd tell them firmly but politely that you are doing your best to control the noise levels but they are children and are never going to be completely silent, particularly as they are cooped up due to the current situation. Tell them the notes need to stop as they're unhelpful.

Contact contact council and put your side to them, they won't pursue the noise complaint because its classes as living sounds.

cabbageking · 15/04/2020 15:21

Perhaps they need to go for a daily walk, get some sunshine and exercise.
Run off some energy in a safe way.

Clearly the noise is becoming a problem so changing something should be considered.

dontdisturbmenow · 15/04/2020 15:22

This is so hard on both accounts. 8 feel for your neighbour, but ultimately, entertaining 2 toddlers whilst working to keep reasonably quiet is very hard.

Pentium85 · 15/04/2020 15:23

She is being a little unreasonable for not being more understanding, but clearly your kids are making a lot of noise so you either need to put some carpet/thick mats down or get them out the house for longer

WinterCat · 15/04/2020 15:25

I can feel for both of you here. You say she has formally complained about you, so does that mean your council office is open? If so, I would contact them and explain the situation and ask them to contact her (assuming they also own her flat) because you feel she is harassing you and also explain that you currently can’t do anymore than you are doing.

HarrietTheShy · 15/04/2020 15:27

I mean, you're disturbing her, so telling her to be more understanding of you disturbing her is not going to help much.

If you heard THUD THUD THUD noises all day while trying to work, I'm sure you'd have something to say about it. Earplugs don't work on that kind of noise due to vibrations. Order some mats off Amazon to put down on the floor. Take the kids out for an hour walk during the day to jump around and get some energy out.

gamerchick · 15/04/2020 15:27

Because people can magic up thick carpets and shit atm can't they? Hmm

OP tell your e neighbour that you're doing your best and it's just a bit shit. Recommend some ear plugs and to stop writing shitty notes.

OhioOhioOhio · 15/04/2020 15:27

Yeah they need a daily walk.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/04/2020 15:28

It sounds like normal everyday household noise. Rugs or carpet might help but I can't see the council doing much. It's not great but this is what life is going to be like under lockdown

ProfessorPollington · 15/04/2020 15:28

You aren't being unreasonable as this is ordinary living noise. Council will politely tell her to get lost. If complaints continue it would potentially be harassment. I get it isn't pleasant for anyone but she is being unreasonable if her complaint relates to children moving around your flat.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2020 15:29

Do you hear noise from them? Is the soundproofing particularly bad?

DontTouchTheMoustache · 15/04/2020 15:29

Op you have my sympathy, I'm single parent wfh but only one 4 year old and a house with garden. You are bloody wonder woman to be surviving at all!
They are being ridiculous and I can't imagine anyone taking them seriously. They could easily put in some music or wear earplugs, what do they expect you to do?
How flexible are your employers? I came to an agreement with mine that I would log off completely at 2pm to give ds my full focus until he goes to bed then I log back on and do a few more hours. They are more than happy with this as long as the work gets done. If you did something similar you could focus more on the kids for the afternoon and potentially reduce the noise?

AutumnCrow · 15/04/2020 15:30

Anyone can complain to the Council about anything. Means nothing.

You're allowed to make reasonable daytime 'family noise' from, you know, living in your home.

1forsorrow · 15/04/2020 15:31

Keep the notes, complain about the harassment. If you live in a flat noise is one of those things and if they are in bed at 6 pm she has hours of quiet time.

Abraid2 · 15/04/2020 15:33

You do take them out for exercise?

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 15/04/2020 15:34

Kids can make a huge amount of noise just walking around in their clumpy toddler way and yes for downstairs neighbours it can be irritating. Other than putting a rug down, taking off their shoes and avoid obviously disruptive games (throwing toys on the floor etc) there's very little you can do about it. The council aren't going to take the complaint seriously. I would write a note to the neighbour outlining what you're doing (e.g. kids not wearing shoes etc) and let them know you can't do anything else so they'll have to learn to cope with it.

Celeriacacaca · 15/04/2020 15:34

It's difficult for both of you and is stressing you both. She's being a bit of an arse repeatedly complaining though. Can you knock when you're feeling calm and speak to her and ask what she suggests given that you have to work and you have no garden? We are in unprecedented times and our lives cannot be the same as they were before for the time being. That is nobody's fault, and certainly not yours.

If I were her, I think I'd order some good noise-cancelling headphones, just until this is over.

GinghamStyle · 15/04/2020 15:34

I think this is a really difficult situation and I really feel for you.

The only suggestion I’d make would be to take them for a walk after lunch. Is there somewhere you could go that they could have a run around?

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 15/04/2020 15:37

Of course it’s not nice for her but she is going to have to accept that you have no choice but to be at home right now and she must accept that living in a flat involves some disturbance from those around.

WickedlyPetite · 15/04/2020 15:38

You need to get them out for an hour in the morning to burn off some energy.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/04/2020 15:40

Don't worry about it. But do save all her little notes and keep a diary of all the times she has/will knock and complain.

If she talks to yuou again tell her there's a pandemic on, in case she hadn't noticed. She's being VVU to think that you can just staple your kids to a wall and stop them making any noise at all!

sleepingpup · 15/04/2020 15:41

I have every sympathy for you.

could you get the kids out for an hour everyday ? they could run it all off a bit which might help.

If you have wood floors I'd buy some rugs online.

After that I'd write her note and lay it out. Tell her that you are sorry but you are doing your best in a difficult situation that has been brought on by this lockdown and you can do no more. it is difficult for everyone. Tell her you will not be reading anymore notes. Then chuck her notes. in the bin.

You have enough on your plate. Main thing is you look after yourself and your kids and try and keep it together.

Maybe try a bit of a routine with you working during Screen time and after bed time but with slots for outside and some play time with you. This might be calming for the kids as they get to know the routine and if they have been used to one in Nursery. i don't want to sound patronising and you might already be doing this.

Ultimately ignore her. Let her complain away, she is not going to get very far unless something unusual is going on. You can only do what you can do. Don't let her stress you in what already sounds like a stressful situation.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

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