AIBU or is my neighbour

[Unluckyinlove2]

Just need some perspective at the moment. I live in tiny Top floor flat. Have 2 kids aged 2 & 3. I’m a single parent working full time from home due to what’s happening. It’s a shit show. They don’t do much all day but watch tv as I try to work between feeding them and taking care of their needs. We might do some lego or some jigsaws but nothing structured.

Since lockdown has began my new neighbours below me have knocked on my door every single week to inform me that they can’t get any work done due to the jumping and noise my kids are making. I apologised every time and explained I’m trying my best and that I had never had a noise complaint before I’m assuming cos we were always out. She seemed quite understanding but She has now resorted to leaving me written notes outside my door still complaining. To make matters worse she has filed a formal complaint to the council.

I can’t see any way around this. I’ve tried my best to get them to stop running around. I put them to bed at 6pm so this is daytime noise. I’m trying my best in an already difficult situation. If this pandemic wasn’t happening my kids would be in nursery and I would be at work. Instead we are cooped up in a flat with no garden constantly worrying about if our movements are too loud.

AIBU on telling them to back off and be a bit more understanding cos at this point i feel like they are bullying me

Blimey you're doing a stirling job. Ignore your neighbour.

I would firmly tell them to leave you alone and then ignore them moving forward. You are trying your best. They are being unreasonable.

You are doing your best. I’m
Not sure how she expects a 2 and 3 year old to stop running around. I’d rather hear children running around the silence. It means they are having fun!!

She should butt out. That’s the price you pay for living in a flat.

I used to live on a first floor flat above a shop. J was mortified when the shop keeper mentioned hearing DS running around. But what could I do? Can’t stop him
From moving and the guy didn’t live there!

If they aren’t running around late at night of very early (I mean mine get up early not sure about hours ) I’m not sure what she has against you. I’m sure the council will do nothing!!

I’m
Not sure what she expects you to do? Contain your children and stop them moving all day?

Try and put something down on the floor as that makes a difference.
Neither of you are being unreasonable- my upstairs neighbour had a Great Dane who used to make a racket running up and down the hall and it was super annoying. Got the courage to go upstairs to complain and it was actually a tiny little terrier. If that mutt could make that much noise then 2 kids will be much worse. However, short of getting some sound insulation you literally can’t do much to improve the situation.

Sorry OP, sounds hellish for you.

Only a complete and utter twat would complain about regular daytime kids noise, especially given the current circumstances.

Try not to let it get to you. I’m sure the council won’t do anything as you’re genuinely not being unreasonable here.

No one is choosing to WFH right now
are you sure? Most people are grateful to have that possibility!

You can't sit in silence for 8 hours a day so your neighbour gets peace and quiet to work. She is not in her office. She does not live in a detatched house. She will have to accept a certain level of noise that typically comes with being at home in a flat. She will need to understand this isn't ideal for you either.

I'm middle floor in a block of 3 flats. I can hear all the noise from above and below, but that is part and parcel of living in a flat (plus, I have my own DC who makes plenty of noise!) I get on well with my neighbours and we all accept that children/neighbours come with a certain level of noise.

She has made her point. What does she expect the repeated notes to achieve? I'd ask her politely to stop with the notes. Times are tough for everyone, but flats are noisy, the kids are in bed by 6pm and you are within your rights to make a noise in your own home.

You could also speak to your employer and see if you can adjust your hours (eg. Log on again after kids are in bed), but if she continues with the notes, I probably wouldn't bother trying to accommodate her and would just do what works for you and your kids.

Its normal noise.
Your neighbour needs noise cancelling headphones but has my up-most sympathy if the sound proofing is anything like my own flat.

Hi - I would put in a counter complaint - the constant notes and banging when a child wakes crying in the night is harassment.
Keep a record in a diary so you can back up your case and try not to let them get you down - hopefully they’ll move out soon.

It’s annoying for your neighbour but she needs to suck it up. Nothing to be done. Everyone has been told to stay home including kids, you have to work, and you’re hardly going to put them in a cage. So yes, she needs noise cancelling headphones, and you can perfectly well tell her to stop harassing you.

The thick carpet etc are silly ideas , you can't get one fitted atm , maybe you could amazon foam matts but to be honest you live in a flat with no garden , they choose to live in a flat too there will be noise , they are being very unreasonable especially as your children go to bed early ! X maybe order them a pack of earplugs and write them a letter saying your trying your best maybe these will help ! X

I can unfortunately feel for your neighbour.
I am a teacher and the people above us are extremely noisy. I have to film my lessons and be on video meetings and sometimes the noise is so loud I have to stop working until I can record in peace!

It might be worth making your day a bit more structured to ensure your kids aren’t sitting bored or running around all day. Could you compromise with work so that you don’t have to do so much? - would They understand if you told them the situation?

They shouldnt have moved into a flat if they didnt expect noise from people and your not being unreasonable , you are just living! I hate noise that's why I moved out of my flat , it was my problem not the other people living around me

But despite my last comment, well done on being a single mum and still working. It must be hard

Maybe u should just tell them to go away. Your not interested in there moans people r dieing and that cant live with 2 small children makein a bit noise. My mum and and sister r nurses workin on the front line i can promise u they wish they could stay at home and listen to some noise. Ur doin ur best single mum workin from home my heart goes out 2 u

Fairplay to you copping OP. It is not fair employers aren't offering furlough to parents with no child care option.
How on earth are you suppose to work FT from home with 2 very small DC.
Your neighbour will have to wear earplugs. Write her a note and tell her to back off.

I can imagine how difficult it must be to try to entertain them while working, however that does not mean they have to be making a lot of noise.
If they have grown up in a flat I would expect them by this age to know that they aren’t allowed to run/jump etc in the house. My children grew up in a flat and although we were aware they were children we taught them from the minute they could walk not to jump etc in the house.
If you can’t get your kids to stop running/jumping then perhaps you could ask your neighbours which room they are working in and make sure your kids aren’t in the same room above so then hopefully the noise won’t affect them.

Tell her to feck off. You live in a lower level flat then it's pretty obvious there will he noise. If shes got an issue she needs to buy a house instead of a flat.

Tell her you are teaching them how to fly to cut the noise. They are working on their landings. Then get a spy hole.cut and dont answer the door. Idiots.

People saying to take kids out to burn energy, how do we know op hasn't been told to shield so she can't go out, I'm in that situation now with 2 kids and just lucky don't live in a flat.

OP your doing the best you can, don't worry about it and contact the council so they get your side.

It's really hard for any of us to say as we haven't witnessed what's going on. My friend has three kids in a first floor flat with laminate flooring. The younger one stands and jumps up and down on the spot intermittently for hours on end, squealing and shouting at the top of his voice. Bangs his toys repeatedly on the floor. If your kids are doing this then you'll have to try and contain it. If it's just normal noise ie kids walking (not stomping their heels into the floor while walking) then that can't be helped.

I'm sure there used to be a rule in council houses (years ago in my council area anyway) where you weren't allowed to have wooden flooring due to noise. Maybe get a large floor rug?

She’s being a twunt and you’re doing a great job xx ignore her or tell her to F off. Lots of people are looking for someone to direct their anger at, you are an easy target.

I'm sorry about the notes and complaints.

Children jumping around is in fact an unpleasant noise to live below,
and you probably don't realise what it sounds like.

Are the children actually jumping up and down? Does their running around not disturb you? Is it occurring for very long periods?

Having said that, I think the compliant to the Council (if indeed it has been made) is not going to solve anything in the current emergency situation- what does she think the Council are going to do?

Order you to restrain the children?

If there are more notes, I'd write to her formally and say you consider this harassment, but don't get into self-justification about your situation.

It must feel as though you are under attack from this person, in a situation no one has chosen and where you are doing, I hope, your best.

I don't know how practical the suggestions abut extra floor coverings are- but going for a walk does sound possible, if you're not doing that already.

I do hope the situation becomes more tolerable.

Listen OP. I live in a detached house with a garden, wfh and two demanding young kids and it’s a struggle. I can’t even imagine how you are coping. Ultimately she has chosen to live in a flat (I have also lived in flats) as such I’m afraid it’s just part of the compromise she has to live with. You are doing a sterling job. The council will have a enough to do and won’t do anything except send you a letter. Ignore it, you aren’t running a crack house! Next time she knocks just politely say “yeah thanks for letting me know”. If she persists tell her to bugger off. Xx

Oh my goodness, obviously of you rake a 2 and 3 year old for a walk and put a mat down they are suddenly going to be still silent children! I do despair at times. Of course you should try your best, but ultimately there isn't very much you can do. Big hugs. X