AIBU or is my neighbour

[Unluckyinlove2]

Just need some perspective at the moment. I live in tiny Top floor flat. Have 2 kids aged 2 & 3. I’m a single parent working full time from home due to what’s happening. It’s a shit show. They don’t do much all day but watch tv as I try to work between feeding them and taking care of their needs. We might do some lego or some jigsaws but nothing structured.

Since lockdown has began my new neighbours below me have knocked on my door every single week to inform me that they can’t get any work done due to the jumping and noise my kids are making. I apologised every time and explained I’m trying my best and that I had never had a noise complaint before I’m assuming cos we were always out. She seemed quite understanding but She has now resorted to leaving me written notes outside my door still complaining. To make matters worse she has filed a formal complaint to the council.

I can’t see any way around this. I’ve tried my best to get them to stop running around. I put them to bed at 6pm so this is daytime noise. I’m trying my best in an already difficult situation. If this pandemic wasn’t happening my kids would be in nursery and I would be at work. Instead we are cooped up in a flat with no garden constantly worrying about if our movements are too loud.

AIBU on telling them to back off and be a bit more understanding cos at this point i feel like they are bullying me

You have my sympathy, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job. I’m in a similar situation, no garden and poor insulation to flat below. Just my daughters’s cute heavy-footed toddler walk is enough to have my neighbour tapping on the ceiling. She complains to her landlord about us. We, like you, are very conscious of the noise and have sympathy for her - but I can’t stop my kids from walking, or playing with their toys and the very occasional dance or jump, so I try hard to ignore. Your neighbour sounds awful - please tell the council that she is harassing you and you are doing your best to keep your kids quiet in a very difficult situation. Two walks a day is saving us at the moment - and your employer does need to be sympathetic in this situation, you won’t be the only one working while looking after kids. Take care, and try not to stress too much

LVT in a flat will be horrific for them downstairs. Carpet with thick underlay is far better but fuck all you can do about that right now!

Your neighbour is being unreasonable. It's obviously hard for her, but it's also hard for you, and it's also hard for everyone in the country at the moment so we all just have to deal with it!

Tell them to fuck off and you'll be complaining to their landlord about harrasment.
In fact get the landlords number and start calling everytime the neighbour complains. It will soon stop.
They're being unreasonable and the landlord will soon set them straight.
I write this as a landlord.

Rugs and slippers help but it is what it is for now and she will have to compromise like everyone else and I'm sure the council will understand x

Seriously? This is your home, it's not your fault this situation is happening, what is wrong with people? Tell her to get ear defenders or headphones and stop wasting your time and the council's, I'm sure you all have better things to do.

Livid on your behalf OP. Agree totally with ambereeree.
By now I'd have stopped answering and left a note on my front door- addressed to her to say for both your sakes respect social distancing. but please stop knocking and causing you undue stress as a result of this and that this results to harassment.

I'd even consider buying a little camera you could put above the door and let her know she is being filmed and any further incidents of her disturbing you will be sent to the landlord.

I absolutely 100% feel for you and your children, it isnt easy in a flat no garden and there is no way you can be expected to tiptoe around living on your nerves. I would speak to the housing officer and obtain a doctors note re your stress and would contact council myself. Anyone with sense knows that flats are not soundproofed and there are pros and cons to living above next to or below another family, it is outrageous that she is complaining of normal every day living and apart from rugd on floors I wouldn't hesitate in telling her you will report for harassment. I hope you can resolve this and you get a positive outcome.

I don’t have any new advice from what PP’s have already suggested but just wanted to send you my love OP!
WFH and trying to look after 2 children single-handedly, one of them with SEN - honestly you’re amazing. It sounds like you’re trying your best to keep the noise down so for that reason YANBU. The fact your downstairs neighbors are banging on the ceiling when a toddler cries in the night tells me all I need to know about them. Awful people!

Noise carries more in flats than in houses so what is considered to be noisy when your in a house is not noisy when your in a flat. Your neighbours need to give their head a wobble and get used to this or accept that flat life is not for them and move.
I would contact your housing officer and tell them your kids are making a normal amount of noise and that the neighbour refuses to accept this and has been harassing you for weeks and are now using the formal complaint as a way to further the harassment. Make sure the housing officer is aware that one of your children is SEN as there may be extra considerations that need to be in place to avoid any form of discrimination. Explain about the neighbours constantly knocking on door every day, banging on ceiling in the night if your child wakes up crying, leaving notes etc. Keep a diary of everything the neighbour does, keep the notes too so they can be handed to the housing officer. Might be worth contacting your other neighbours in the block (especially those above you if you have any) about the issue, im willing to bet they don't think your kids are making too much noise and will be happy for the housing officer to contact them on the issue. This will further show your neighbour underneath is being unreasonable and is harnessing you over ordinary household noise. My neighbour did this when she was in a similar situation to you with a guy on the ground floor complaining, he went a step further though and started shouting verbal abuse at her family through the door or at the kids when they played in the communal area which has a play park. I backed her up with the council as I had witnessed him shouting, that her kids noise was just normal noise and not an issue at all. Our complainer has had a warning for harassment over his behaviour and is not allowed to approach or contact her family or there will be further repercussions for him.

Good luck Unluckyinlove2, hope you manage to resolve this quickly as neighbour disputes are horrible to deal with at best of times.

PS unfortunately the noise coming through floorboards if you are living underneath someone is much louder than if you're in the flat - where you can't hear the noise.

We learned this the hard way. Often people can't understand the complaints until they experience it themselves.

Feel so sorry for you best to ignore her and laugh it off as she will still be your neighbour when this is over

I’ve been in the neighbour’s position. The noise can be pretty horrendous and constant. BUT we never once complained except a moan between ourselves. And under the current circumstances then what do people expect when there are flats above with small children.

They are only noticing this because they are stuck in the house more often now. It's not a usual set of circumstances and hopefully temporary anyway. I doubt the council will side with them on this

I'd tell her the continuous notes are harassment and to back off or she will get a visit from pc plod