AIBU or is my neighbour

[Unluckyinlove2]

Just need some perspective at the moment. I live in tiny Top floor flat. Have 2 kids aged 2 & 3. I’m a single parent working full time from home due to what’s happening. It’s a shit show. They don’t do much all day but watch tv as I try to work between feeding them and taking care of their needs. We might do some lego or some jigsaws but nothing structured.

Since lockdown has began my new neighbours below me have knocked on my door every single week to inform me that they can’t get any work done due to the jumping and noise my kids are making. I apologised every time and explained I’m trying my best and that I had never had a noise complaint before I’m assuming cos we were always out. She seemed quite understanding but She has now resorted to leaving me written notes outside my door still complaining. To make matters worse she has filed a formal complaint to the council.

I can’t see any way around this. I’ve tried my best to get them to stop running around. I put them to bed at 6pm so this is daytime noise. I’m trying my best in an already difficult situation. If this pandemic wasn’t happening my kids would be in nursery and I would be at work. Instead we are cooped up in a flat with no garden constantly worrying about if our movements are too loud.

AIBU on telling them to back off and be a bit more understanding cos at this point i feel like they are bullying me

Do you have hard floors? Who owns the flat? What does the lease say about hard floors being allowed in your flat?

I used to live in an old tenement flat, below a flat occupied by five student girls. They had wooden floors and the constant stomping around in high heels by the girls used to drive me crazy.

I complained to Environmental Health and it turned out that wooden floors were forbidden in the lease. The landlord had to re-carpet the entire flat.

Obviously Environmental Health probably won't come out at the moment but when lockdown restrictions are removed they could, if your neighbours get that hacked off with the noise.

Write them a very firm but polite note, detailing that you have had verbal conversations with them on multiple occasions and feel that you have given as much of a detailed explanation, apology and effort to minimise the issue. Also state that you have received x amount of written letters which is making you feel harassed and under pressure for an issue that you cannot resolve reasonably as you have already paid rugs and take the children out for exercise. Also mention that they have rudely and loudly banged up to your flat if your child awakens crying at night and you find this highly unreasonable, rude and aggressive and counterproductive to settling a child back to sleep. Bullet point suggestions for them to help themselves at their own side such as earplugs, headphones, radio or tv playing, white noise machine etc.

Copy three copies, one to them, one to the council and one to keep.

Definitely make sure you speak to the housing officer and let them know that your neighbours are banging on the ceiling in the middle of the night if your DC wake. I would say that alone makes them unreasonable.

OP you are doing a great job!
During the day get everyone's duvets down on the living room floor for extra padding.
If you could manage a morning walk that would be great but if not just carry on with what you are doing.
You deserve a medal!

They’re being awful.

Send them back a note saying you’re doing everything you can, they are making a difficult situation very much harder and that if they send you any more notes you’ll refer it to the police as harassment.

Omg yanbu. They really sound like they aren't cut out for living in a flat. I bet they are the type who would complain no matter who was there and find things to complain about from nowhere. Unfortunately some people are just like that 😔
I have a 2 year old in a flat and it's not easy right now but you sound like you have literally every plate over flowing full and now them complaining to top it off. Utter ass holes, I think if someone banged on my toddlers wall when he had cried I'd have lost the plot on them.

You are in a very difficult situation. I would counter complain that your neighbours bang when your children wake up - that is not on.

The only thing you can do is look for practical solutions to ease the situation. As everyone has said something to put on the floor for a play area - purchasing it might be easier said than done. You could try putting a mattress/cushions on the floor instead as a play area - if they will stay in one place for any length of time.

You could write a note to the neighbour and maybe suggest that if she is working in a particular room during the day - you will keep your children out of the room directly above during certain hours?

You are doing the best you can, the noise isn't intentional and noise is very subjective. Some people have train lines at the end of their garden, some live under flight paths to airports. Some live in the middle of nowhere because any noise sets them on edge.

You do need to keep the notes, hopefully they are dated to show how extreme they are being. It isn't like your children are banging pans with wooden spoons all day. You say your neighbours are new, maybe they are not cut out for flat living.

Children make noise. Fact. Covid means people are not getting out as much as they used to so nerves are more frayed than normal.

I would tell the council that when your child cries in the night they bang on the ceiling fucking loons, because banging soothes a child back to sleep

I feel for your neighbour. It sounds like he’ll if your kids are jumping all over the place and they are trying to work.

Write a polite but firm (dated) letter explaining that you're doing your best under the circumstances!

You're working from home and you're on your own! Also point out that in this situation, we all need to be a little more understanding!!
I'd mention too, about all of the steps you've taken to try and reduce the noise. Then she cannot accuse you of ignoring her requests.

Keep a photocopy!

If this doesn't work, take the copy of the letter to your housing officer and also make a counter complaint of harassment

That’s what kids do they make noise. I live in a area where there are children, they make noise. Especially in a flat it is 10x worse, maybe she should of considered that before she moved in. I would explain to the council that because of the current situation you cannot do anything, especially with toddlers. I would understand her frustration if you’re children were school age or older, but they are practically babies. If she continues with the notes you could always inform the police that she is harassing you as personally I would find this harassment. She needs to keep out of your business and have some more bloody patience. Sorry for the rant but I deal with noisy neighbours on the daily. I would much rather hear children having fun during this time that smelling cannabis and hearing drum and bass! Either that or tell her to piss off. Lol. Best of luck to you and your little ones

Saying that you're sometimes too shattered to go out for a walk really isn't helpful or acceptable. Your neighbour are shattered too because of your noise. You need to make the effort (it'll give your neighbours some much needed respite and give your kids chance to burn off some energy). I know it's tough but they're your responsibility and you need to take them out for daily exercise.

I get it’s hard but they shouldn’t be jumping or making so much noise to the extent that neighbors can’t work.

Maybe you need to take them out and wear them out so there is less jumping etc.

It sounds like he’ll if your kids are jumping all over the place and they are trying to work.

we'd have to disagree over what was 'hell'. It def wouldn't be the noise from two small children.

I doubt the council would do much about this 'noise' as it is an unavoidable situation. Rubber mats for them to play on might work but really it isn't something that is solvable. I feel for you OP, it is so hard being at home with little ones whilst trying to work.

Does the type of work you do lend itself to a timetable/routine? You could plan the day out so that they had specific times where they are concentrating (as much as a little one can) but also a routine might keep them calmer in general. I know you said you are exhausted but a daily walk will do all of you the world of good and the fresh air will help the children to be calmer.

Its such a hard situation for everyone, your neighbour sounds like an arse and I wouldn't focus too much on changing things for them. They could put music on quietly or something I'm sure. Focus on changing things so that your days are nicer, if you're on the dreaded facebook there are lots of groups with little ideas about how to keep children entertained whilst we try and work. They've been a lifesaver for me.

Hang in there OP, your neighbour is being massively UR and there are so many people in your situation.

Can you still get those foam playmats that interlock, like jigsaws? An old thick duvet?

Other than giving them a good hour's run first thing, I can't see what else you can do.

Banging on the ceiling doesn't help anyone, but people feel entitled to do it though …

This is a stressful time for everyone. You are stressed because you're working and being a parent to two small children in a flat all day every day and your neighbours are stressed because things are different with everyone at home. Don't bend over backwards for your neighbours and don't let them get to you - difficult though this is. Talk to the housing officer and tell her they are complaining about the sounds of normal family life which they just aren't used to hearing during the day every day. By all means tell her they are banging when a child cries in the night. The housing officer has to be seen to be acting I've no doubt, but commonsense needs to come into things: it's not as if you're playing music at top volume day in day out and people need to accept they will have to put up with things they wouldn't normally during this crisis.

@Carrie7469 they're your responsibility and you need to take them out for daily exercise.

Disgraceful! You have no idea how noisy her children are, you're just assuming the neighbour is being genuine! Clearly you've never dealt with the type of neighbours who seems to confuse 'hearing your neighbour's existence' with noise nuisance! I had a neighbour like this once. She even complained once because I had my hairdryer on at 6pm on a Friday evening! Apparently because it was dark outside, I should NOT use a hair dryer, TV, washing machine or go out in my car!!!!!
She stormed straight into my house and tried to CONFISCATE my hairdryer!

Yes, OP's children may be excessively noisy for all we know, but the fact that the neighbour is banging on the ceiling because a toddler CRIED in the middle of the night is rather telling, don't you think?

What is your job OP? Does your manager know you are a lone parent with 2 pre-schoolers?
How many hours are your working? Could you do some hours in the evening when the children are in bed?

I get up very early to get a couple of hours in before I need to occupy my 11yo. There is no way I could work at all with 2 pre-schoolers. Is their father on the scene at all?

I have sympathy for your neighbours - it's amazing how the sound can travel and seem so excessive when you have neighbours above you.

However, that's just tough shit for them in this instance. Sadly, this is the nature of apartment living. Usually, there's enough of people coming and going/school/other activities that it's not constant and you all get a break. But this is an unprecedented time and quite frankly, it is what it is. So yes, even if all the DC are doing is normal activity, it probably is irritating for them but there's nothing anyone can do about it at this time.

I would absolutely drop a note to them and the council saying that you are doing your best but as you are forced to remain inside the vast bulk of the time there's very little you can do. And leave it at that.

One other thing you could try if you're feeling kind - if the bulk of the noise is your lounge over their lounge, perhaps try keep the children to the bedroom/s for certain parts of the day. But realistically, not sure how practical this is.

also, them banging when child is crying in the night is totally out of order and would have me banging back in frustration. Twats.

The foam playmates that Melroses mentioned are a good idea, but you can get a cheaper type of jigsaw style mat from stores that sell car parts. Actually, you can buy them very cheaply from B&M if you have one near you. They’re around in the tools/car accessories isle.

@Unluckyinlove2 Just an FYI - Environmental Health will NOT act on 'Noise from children playing or crying' and neither will any council or housing association. It would have to be EXTREMELY bad and proven to be so, before any of them are permitted to act.

I know that's not going to solve the harassment but at least you know it cannot lead to legal/tenancy issues

Just to say that I feel for you and they just need to understand that it's a shit situation and not one you've chosen. I don't know how you are managing to do all of that on your own with two tiny kids. I'd just reiterate one more time then stop worrying about it, what else can you do? Maybe call the council and explain your side. I'd hope they understand.

Your neighbour is suffering from impact noise. We’re the ground floor and first floor, while the apartment above us is second and third floors. We’re private and their housing association. I ended up in hospital because the family above (parents plus three school aged children) made a racket from 5.30am (mum) to 2.30am (Dad). We tried white noise, 10,000 on soundproofing, ear plugs (DH had to get one removed by the doctor as part of it got stuck), etc In the end after going down the legal route, a meeting was held in our home (which the HA has repeatedly refused prior) and a teaspoon was dropped on their floor while we stood two floors below in our hall. Their faces when they heard it bounce was a picture. It turned out, they were in breach of regulations relating to floor coverings with the laminate and the absence of underlay.
So obviously I have lots of sympathy with your neighbour OP!
There’s not a lot that can be done in the middle of a lockdown but I do think you’ll both need to compromise. Can you come to agreement where either the morning or afternoon is quiet time, and you catch up on work after hours? Foam squares from Amazon and mats help - both impact and airborne noise. No bikes/trikes or shoes inside.
Once lockdown ends, hopefully your HA can look at floor coverings and perhaps move you to a more suitable home.
Just to note, Scottish regulations are stricter than the rest.

@HavenDilemma yes absolutely, the fact that the neighbor is banging on the ceiling is unacceptable. The fact that the OP doesn't take her kids out every day is unacceptable too.