AIBU or is my neighbour

[Unluckyinlove2]

Just need some perspective at the moment. I live in tiny Top floor flat. Have 2 kids aged 2 & 3. I’m a single parent working full time from home due to what’s happening. It’s a shit show. They don’t do much all day but watch tv as I try to work between feeding them and taking care of their needs. We might do some lego or some jigsaws but nothing structured.

Since lockdown has began my new neighbours below me have knocked on my door every single week to inform me that they can’t get any work done due to the jumping and noise my kids are making. I apologised every time and explained I’m trying my best and that I had never had a noise complaint before I’m assuming cos we were always out. She seemed quite understanding but She has now resorted to leaving me written notes outside my door still complaining. To make matters worse she has filed a formal complaint to the council.

I can’t see any way around this. I’ve tried my best to get them to stop running around. I put them to bed at 6pm so this is daytime noise. I’m trying my best in an already difficult situation. If this pandemic wasn’t happening my kids would be in nursery and I would be at work. Instead we are cooped up in a flat with no garden constantly worrying about if our movements are too loud.

AIBU on telling them to back off and be a bit more understanding cos at this point i feel like they are bullying me

They sound awful!!! I totally feel for you, you are trying your hardest I am sure. You said your housing officer spoke to you. I would ask her for advice and suggest that she (because you feel harassed) ask the twunts downstairs to stop posring notes and or banging when a baby wakes up, seriously what is wrong with people?

also get kids to paint them a be kind rainbow ;-)

Your priority is to stay sane and avoid giving neighbours any ammunition with which to make any complaints that can be upheld.
So far you are:
*working hard as your employer expects in difficult circumstances.

• being as accommodating as you can by responding to your children’s needs to minimise noise
• haven’t complained about your youngest child being harassed by the banging from the apartment below. Try and develop a mental filter for your neighbours comments and correspondence but keep them and log them for future reference. They may be finding the current situation stressful and if they have no kids then have no appreciation of how much effort you are already making in order to minimise the noise. Keep smiling and protect yourself by repeating all you have already done if they question you, eg. Rugs, no shoes worn in house, respond to kids as soon as needed etc. Look after yourself. 🙂

Wow - @Carrie7469 well done for making the OP feel even more shit than she does already.........

Agree the kids need to go out each day for fresh air but that doesn’t mean they’ll sit there quietly for the other 10 hours of the day.

Sending hugs OP, it’s tough x

Tell her to piss off or you really will start being noisy!

Tell her to piss off or you really will start being noisy!

would you REALLY want to enter a noise war with a neighbour, especially at the moment? Let's be honest, with 2 toddlers, it's the OP who will lose. A neighbour can find plenty of "reasonable" and legal noise to make between 6 and 11pm and disturb young children in the process.

Pissing off your neighbours is the worst advice you can give.

That’s a very stressful situation to be in. Offer to swap apartments with her, or hope that the council could move you to a nicer place? I’m sure that neither of these are options. Hope that things improve for you OP.

That sounds like very hard work. I would suggest taking them out twice a day at that age for a run about. They will be easier to manage. Regardless of rules.

I do think you need to explain to your employer too. Do you have any annual leave? Could you take a couple of afternoons a week off? Also can't you work mornings then take afternoon off and catch up say 7-9pm? Really they should be more flexible.

I agree their Dad needs to step up! How does he get away with not helping out?

Do you have any family nearby to help out?

It's not going to work for another 3 possibly more weeks. It's not possible to wfh with two toddlers.

God your neighbour sounds like a total twat. Who the fuck moves into a ground for flat if they can't tolerate noise?

I've always been one of those that says "kids need walking like dogs" but actually, this lockdown has made me realise it is completely not true. I've definitely noticed my kids are more hyped up after a walk and there is zero difference in there rowdiness if we don't take them out at all. It's been a huge eye opener for me.

I feel for you, we lived in an upstairs flat and barely had to move for the downstairs neighbours to complain about the noise. Mere minutes after we started moving into the flat the bloke was complaining his wife couldn't sleep because of the noise (it was 11 am and she didn't work nights). Some people are unreasonable. However if you can add some kind of soundproofing -Aldi have spongy exercise type mats that fit together like jigsaws on special offer at the moment. If you can negotiate working while the kids are resting or in the evening, that might make a difference and make the most of some outside time, even if it's just a walk round the block. Ideally a field or somewhere safe to run around. My kids are older now but I still worry about the noise they make in the garden, although getting them out there is half our battle. Best quiet games - sleeping lions, chocolate button on the lips (lying down) who can make it last longest (good during important phone calls). Those colour wonder books and aqua draw mats were a godsend at that age, probably worth taking the batteries out of anything noisy and avoiding wheeled toys on hard floors.
Maybe you could compromise by asking if there is a particular time of day that could be prioritized as a quiet time, eg. My husband is on a conference call between 9 and 10 every morning. Remind them that it is obviously difficult for everyone involved and you are doing your best but the notes aren't helpful. Good luck, hopefully it won't be for too long.

Tell her to piss off or you really will start being noisy!
Yeah, don't do that.

Having spent my whole childhood living beneath a noisy fucker I completely understand why your neighbour is angry. How many times has she got to ask you to stop your kids from jumping on the ceiling before you actually stop them? Its not difficult, just tell them to stop every time they do it, and they will learn not to.
The other everyday little kid noise you have no control over, I get it, but the jumping? Come on.

Have you thought about two mini trampolines might help them jump their energy off!

I really feel for the neighbours...it must be horrendous to be subject to loud noise all day :(

How many times has she got to ask you to stop your kids from jumping on the ceiling before you actually stop them?

You what @tillytown??

Have you read a completely different thread to everyone else?

There's no 'jumping' mentioned. At All.

The OP talks about trying her best to stop them running around, having them in thick socks and worrying about when they make noise.

You are just in for the kill.

Thick mats and mini trampolines

Speak to your housing officer about a move

really feel for the neighbours...it must be horrendous to be subject to loud noise all day :(

Omg you're all heart arnt you @Mrstwiddle

No one WANTS to be in this situation.
It's an international bloody EMERGENCY.

Trapped in an upstairs flat with 2 tiny bored children trying to work and keep it together (And you are doing great OP!👍🏻)

versus

being 'subject' to the noise of little children. above.

Omg get some perspective.

Although it's difficult to sort right now you need proper thick carpet with thick underlay, the flooring you have is adding to the issue. You need to make an effort to take your children out each day as well

Nothing you can do, they are toddler age, they are not gonna be quiet and how can you be stuck inside 24/7

your neighbours being a dick..

Don't even bother taking them on..

mini trampolines in a flat? Above the neighbours head? Just... why would you even suggest that?

I've always been one of those that says "kids need walking like dogs" but actually, this lockdown has made me realise it is completely not true.

maybe for yours, definitively true for mine. There has been times when they had to stay in for days (me with the flu was one...) and that has proven that they NEED to get out and run around.
Obviously we all survive if they don't, but unless there's absolutely no choice, I would never keep them locked in.

really feel for the neighbours...it must be horrendous to be subject to loud noise all day

It's living sounds, not a rave. The neighbours have to accept that being home all day they will notice more noise and that this is part and parcel of living in flats. The kids aren't jumping around or playing loud games, they just existing and no one has the right to complain about them existing. They're being dicks.

mini trampolines in a flat? Above the neighbours head? Just... why would you even suggest that?

Mini trampolines is the stock MN recommendation for helping kids burn off energy, it's the childcare equivalent of "have a spa day".

Forgot to say that government advice is that if there is a medical need to go out and exercise more than once a day you can. Children with additional needs are particularly mentioned. Why don’t you have morning and afternoon walks, counting rainbows and spotting things - that gives your neighbours two times a day when they know they can focus. It’s also gives you and the kids a mental health boost and they might be more settled when they are at home. Daylight in the afternoon is really helpful to good sleep too so could help with the little one who is waking in the night too.

You’ve got this. You can do this. This will end and things will get easier again.

It sounds like this situation is temporary, so I'd hope for more tolerance on your neighbours' part.

I have lived in a similar situation. I was in a flat, and in the house opposite me there was a family with 6 children. In summer, they all lived on their drive (no back garden). Chairs out, visitors driving up and chatting from cars, kids running around the street screaming and kicking footballs all over the place. It would start at 9am and go on until it got dark. Eventually, I had to say something. Turned out that the reason they were on the drive is because their neighbour had complained about hearing the noise through the party walls all day and half the night.

Eventually I just moved out - it was like being tortured, knowing that in the hottest time of the year I couldn't have the windows open at all. Whilst I do think that right now, people need to find additional reserves of tolerance for something which is temporary, I think only people who've lived with genuinely excessive continuous noise can understand how much it drives you mad. Banging on the ceiling is totally irrational, but may well be because they're being driven round the bend.

Agree with others - take the kids out, stop any jumping, and tell your neighbour concisely that you're doing all you can do. I don't think council will do anything given the state of emergency.

I have an inkling of how you feel. I had a neighbour ringing my doorbell after 11:30 when I was in bed (I ignored) and then bang on my door complaining about "hearing voices" and not being able to sleep. I was home alone with the YT playing at medium on my laptop. I have played loud music in the past (pre-lockdown) with no complaints. Sp obviously the stress of lockdown is making neighbours less tolerant or even look for an object of their frustrations.

The late doorbell and banging on the door was really unnerving and has left me feeling nervous in my own home. I have since decided to show some righteous indignation and I think you should too. You have a right to enjoy your home in peace and your neighbour needs to deal with it. Tell her that you do not appreciate the harassment, that you are doing your best and that the notes and reports to the Council will accomplish nothing. Bang on her door and leave her notes and let her see how it feels. Sorry you are facing this.

Can you keep you children out of one room, eg your bedroom so she knows if she is the room underneath there will be less noise.

Some of the comments are just plain weird. No OP don't 'keep your children out of the room' what the fuck?! Send her a turd through her letterbox that'll give her something to be really pissed off about (don't do that!).
Seriously have one final say & then ignore, you are doing everything you can & you have the right to enjoy your own privacy & home.