AIBU or is my neighbour

[Unluckyinlove2]

Just need some perspective at the moment. I live in tiny Top floor flat. Have 2 kids aged 2 & 3. I’m a single parent working full time from home due to what’s happening. It’s a shit show. They don’t do much all day but watch tv as I try to work between feeding them and taking care of their needs. We might do some lego or some jigsaws but nothing structured.

Since lockdown has began my new neighbours below me have knocked on my door every single week to inform me that they can’t get any work done due to the jumping and noise my kids are making. I apologised every time and explained I’m trying my best and that I had never had a noise complaint before I’m assuming cos we were always out. She seemed quite understanding but She has now resorted to leaving me written notes outside my door still complaining. To make matters worse she has filed a formal complaint to the council.

I can’t see any way around this. I’ve tried my best to get them to stop running around. I put them to bed at 6pm so this is daytime noise. I’m trying my best in an already difficult situation. If this pandemic wasn’t happening my kids would be in nursery and I would be at work. Instead we are cooped up in a flat with no garden constantly worrying about if our movements are too loud.

AIBU on telling them to back off and be a bit more understanding cos at this point i feel like they are bullying me

It is difficult stopping little ones with so much energy, but being above another flat it should be mandatory to have carpet from the get go regardless if you have children or not. Having screaming kids in the garden next door is just as bad, some parents just don't seem to realise how annoying it is, especially when we are all trying to enjoy our outside space. Kids screaming at the top of their voice when they are in the garden is not acceptable, if I could complain to an authority I would. I would ban trampolines for a start!

I can’t offer any solutions, but should imagine you’re emotionally going through hell, so sending you big hugs. Stay strong xx

I think she's being unfair, your situation where you are trying to work from home with two children sounds far more difficult than theirs.
I don't possibly see what you can do to stop small children running around. I take it your neighbours don't have children themselves? as they don't seem to have a clue how hard it is. You are doing an amazing job.
I would drop her a note to say you are doing your best but you don't know what else to try and the situation is making you extremely stressed so could she stop the notes for now.
Hang in therex

Just ignore her. Don't read the notes. If she knocks either don't answer or fob her off with 'So sorry, will try'

You have toddlers! They can't be silent all day. This is a lockdown. She just has to get over herself and realise this is an exceptional situation.

If you do want to talk to her suggest a set hour each day when you will go out for a walk/ put cartoons on etc so she can arrange important silent time for those hours. That's really the best you can do. You could always put a note through her door telling her which hours you will do this.

Maybe contact the council to find out about her comment and explain your situation if it would put your mind at ease but I'm sure the council have better things to do.

This is what happens if you live in a flat. She sounds like a bitch.

I think you’re absolutely doing everything you can do reduce the noise transfer and yes, putting some foam mats down can only help. Is it possible to put a safety gate on one room to contain them in one place when you are working?

We all know that any unwanted noise is irritating, if you were letting them run riot then I could understand her annoyance, but you are letting her know that you’re doing your best. Unfortunately, as already pointed out, she’ll just have to get on with it, like you are. I agree you should make a complaint about her banging in the night if either or both of your children wake, crying. That’s beyond ridiculous and says everything about the sort of person she is. I’d keep the notes and do not respond aside from to ask her to stop harassing you! Short of moving elsewhere, there is nothing else you can do.

And from a parent go a child with ASD, I do not take him out for exercise as he has no awareness of danger and bolts off at any given opportunity. Fortunately, we are blessed with a smallish garden and a trampoline, so he does get exercise with his two older brothers. But I completely understand wanting to avoid meltdowns etc. We couldn’t go anywhere near a park right now, it would be impossible to keep him away and impossible for me to carry him kicking and screaming back to the car or house 😬 Good luck OP!

I actually feel for both of you, hearing a lot of noise when you are trying to work from home, is annoying but equally so getting notes all the time would do my nut in, I would take your children out for walk couple of times a day, it seems they are going to bed at a good time, so you seem to be trying your best, good luck and hope her notes to you stop, everyone is trying hard at this time

She's being unreasonable. Yes it sucks to have to deal with extra noise, I had previous people living above me in my block who used to scream and throw things. Never complained. Just thought "at it again"

I have a 2 nearly 3 year old and thankfully we are ground floor, but my little one is particularly loud and I'm aware of it. I really feel for you, must be awful to deal with neighbors like that. Because it's hard enough being cooped up indoors at the moment with them AND having to work from home. You have my admiration. You're clearly a saint xx

I feel you OP I also have two kids in a flat with no garden. Thankfully our current downstairs neighbours are lovely and also have kids. The previous one was horrendous and complained about everything until I pointed out that it wasn’t my fault it was a soundproofing issue because I am on the top floor and can actually hear him watching tv, walking across the room etc below me so yes he was going to hear us. Eventually the landlord actually evicted him because they had so many complaints about him being abusive and intimidating to residents. Anyway.

We are on lockdown. Even if you ordered whole new carpets and rugs, they would not arrive instantly and carpet fitters aren’t likely to be working currently. Councils have WAY bigger issues. Also a daily walk is NOT going to compare to how much energy they burn off at school/nursery. My kids have gone from walking 2 miles to school, a full school day and then walking 2 miles home to being inside all day every day with only 1 walk. For the first week they weren’t too bad but we’ve been isolating since the 12th March and they have been crawling the walls.

If your neighbour knocks again I would just be quite blunt, you have rugs, you understand it’s frustrating for her because you are also trying to work from home and it’s distracting you too but there is literally nothing you can do to magically remove your children and yourself from being in lockdown because you are not the prime minister and that all her knocking your door is achieving is both of you having one more interruption from your work.

Your children have every right to play including making a noise. Your neighbour lacks understanding but at times like this i think we're all a bit grouchy at times. Just to reduce the times she calling, maybe put your sofa cushions (i mean the big seat ones) on the floor just so the children can play and sleep in their safe area. Remember your doing your bloody best let alone having to work at home as well.

Don't worry about the council they will do fcuk all apart from note it down. They know people are stuck at home and that we are all trying our best!

If you are a worrier and it makes you feel better then write your own letter countering theirs.

The council will understand that we are in LOCKDOWN and your downstairs neighbours are being TWATS!!

I just wanted to say well done, your amazing. The fact your going through this as asingle mum of two very young children and in a flat is amazing in its self! self but you actually attempting to get work done too wow! Your are superwoman.

Don't listen to the you are being unreasonable people. As you have said you are all not normally in during the day and this is a situation that is not your fault what so ever .unfortunately you have neighbours who are completely insensitive to this world situation. Call council yourself and explain situation there is nothing anyone can do tI'll we back to normal.

They are kids... if you are managing to get work done in the house with them then so can they!! And I would be saying that next time I see her.

Those interlocking foam mats are pretty cheap OP, and would be easy to move from room to room according to where the kids are playing. A quick google showed that there are loads of places where you can buy them online.

Your neighbour's being a bit of a tit in the current circumstances, we're all having to put up with stuff we'd rather not atm and as you can't take them out for more than an hour or so, I'd like to know what she thinks you should be doing with them. Sedation, perhaps?

The council will probably ask her to keep a "noise diary" before even considering her complaint. It might be an idea for you to keep one of what's going on in your flat, so that the times when you're out, when they're having screen time, sleeping etc are documented. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

Tbh though, I can't see any council taking something like that seriously at the moment, unless they're running and jumping on bare boards all day, while wearing clogs.

I'm sorry but how on earth are you supposed to keep a 2 and 3 year old quiet for the neighbours all day whether you are working or not, they must be feeling so cooped up and frustrated. What are the council going to do? Nothing, that's what. If you buy anything other than a top floor flat then you are going to have to expect some noise from above. I would ignore the notes; getting stressed yourself will not be good for any of your family. Your priority is maintaining your mental health in this challenging situation, not appeasing intolerant neighbours.

I feel so sorry for you. I can’t believe how awful it must be living in an upper floor flat with toddlers at any time but even worse just now.

I think the downstairs people are bring unreasonable tbh. I’m not sure how high up you are, but I’ve said to my husband I feel so sorry for people who either have to access communal stairways or even worse, use lifts in flats. I’d be worried sick.

I think my lucky stars that we are fortunate enough to live in a detached property in a small village and that our sons are all grown up. I do remember when the boys were small and taking them for an hour’s walk certainly wouldn’t have burnt off their energy as some people are suggesting. My youngest son sounded like a herd of elephants when he ran up and down our stairs.

Don’t worry about her complaining to the council at all. If you’re not playing loud rock music all night, they won’t take her moaning seriously- you never know, they might even mover her out! Wouldn’t that be great? As others have said, keep all her snidey notes and check out a support network for yourself. There’s bound to be an active single parent support group in your area. Maybe a friendly voice on the phone or via Skype might help you? This woman sounds a complete arse to me. Children are children and you can’t stop them running about and you shouldn’t have to.

Maybe you can tell the council to give you money for a house and garden if they so much as regard the complaint. Its impossible to keep children quiet for any length of time as much as you might ask them to they soon forget which is an healthy thing for children to do.

I’d send her a note back saying you’re trying to be as quiet as you can, but ultimately you’ve got two toddlers in a flat and are only able to do so much! I’d say you’ll take them out for a walk from 9am - 10.30am so the neighbour knows it will be totally quiet at that time. Tell them you’ll be doing tea time at 16.30 and bath time at 17.30 then they’ll be in bed for 1830. Day that you’ll try to limit any more noisy games to whenever the neighbour takes their daily exercise if they let you know when that is, and explain you’ve got as many rugs as possible and have ordered some rubber mats. And cc the council officer they’ve complained to - it just shows you’re being more than reasonable in trying to find a compromise..

Next time she knocks on the door thank her for breaching social distancing guidelines and putting your very small, very frightened children at risk and close the door.
your neighbour is clearly used to peace and quiet during the day whilst your at work, you're grounded and so are the kids there isn't anything you can do about it.
What she is doing could amount to harassment though so keep a record of all her notes

We had nutty neighbours a few years back who started to complain about stuff like hoovering. They complained to the council who then installed equipment only to conclude that it was the noise of normal every day living. Some people think they have a right to silence, but actually people have a right to make a normal amount of noise. The council will send them packing. Maybe they should think about moving somewhere where they can have no noise?

I'd tell her to f* off and go report me to the council. Unless she wants to set up some sort of activity that occupies children of that ages quietly herself then do one. I have 3 under 4 but I have a garden and honestly OP I feel for you. I do not know how you do it. But keep working hard like you're doing and let the neighbour just say what they like. Obviously have never had kids!

What's the layout of their place in comparison to yours? Could they work in another room that isn't directly under yours?
You should really be taking the kids out in the morning for an hour to burn off some energy at the very least. on the days I can't take my kids out (cause it's raining) they are loud and manic and I feel for my neighbours cause there is bugger all I can do

Any chance you could work something out with their father so he could have them more? You have so much on your plate, it sounds awful.

You have my sympathy. My neighbour thumps her ceiling when we walk into the kitchen (above her bedroom), even though we stay out until 8am and keep the kids out.
She has been known to bang until 12.30 on weekends. We try really hard to creep in and out as we hate the banging so much - it makes me really anxious. We’ve spoken to the police who have told us we are doing nothing wrong but I can’t wait to move!

OP - could you ask if anyone has some rubber mats? It must be really hard for you. Contact the Council as others have said. and ask them to contact some charities for some mats, if you get any wipe with disinfectant. It is not your fault, what does this “neighbour” expect you to do. If the notes become offensive tell the police.🌺💐🍷🎂