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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

District nurse saying I’m not coping

221 replies

Slapin · 14/03/2020 10:53

I live alone in a house I inherited. It’s a big Georgian Manor House with a long private driveway, surrounded by fields and tall hedges. I’m not houseproud at all but have a gardener who takes care of the outside so to keep it looking respectable. The inside I don’t care about. I work with dogs, I have 4 of my own and do boarding, dog walking, training classes etc so my house literally is a dog house. It’s a mess basically but I’m happy with that.

I have to have daily district nurse at the minute and first visit was Monday. When she came in she said she assumed she’d had the wrong address. Didn’t elaborate. I invited her to sit down while she did her paper work and she asked for the dogs to be kept in another room as they are big and scary (fair enough). She then opened up a little pack thing and put a blue sheet of paper on the couch before she sat on it!!
Second day different nurse came and let it slip that the system had a warning on it about the large dogs. She then started asking questions regarding support at home and whether I have a cleaner to help me. I said no and asked why I would have a cleaner when I’m normally independent, she said houses like this normally have a cleaner.
3rd day nurse turns up in a different uniform and said concerns had been raised about how I was coping. They keep asking probing questions and have mentioned safe guarding etc. I’m absolutely fine, normally independent, normally working 7 days a week!!

AIBU to think this is out of order?? They’re making me paranoid.

OP posts:
Worriedmum54321 · 14/03/2020 10:56

If the house is disgusting then they will be thinking you aren't coping. It's hard to tell from your post whether the house is really grim or just a bit messy. If it's smelly and dirty and you don't care about this, it suggests there may be an issue? Perhaps you need to keep one room clean for visitors even if you don't bother with the rest?

Sirzy · 14/03/2020 10:58

From what you have said then I think them being concerned is understandable.

If your in a position where daily visits are needed from district nurses then the lack of cleanliness could also pose a risk to your recovery.

Original poster
Slapin · 14/03/2020 10:59

It’s not disgusting as such. Dog hairs and dog slobber. A bit messy but not a health hazard. No dirty dishes piling up or dog poo on the floor ... just messy

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 14/03/2020 10:59

Is there dog poo indoors anywhere?

Do you clean at all?

AJTracey · 14/03/2020 10:59

If you have district nurses visiting you they have to assess your safety. You can’t be in full health at the moment hence visits. They have a duty of care.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/03/2020 11:00

Nurse might have needed the blue sheet for hygiene to change dressings. They sound like they think your house is grim. Could you investigate getting a cleaner just while you’re ill? I would think a house will deteriorate quickly if you have indoor animals.

Original poster
Slapin · 14/03/2020 11:00

I’ve just had an operation and am a little immobile. They’re saying the house is a trip hazard and the dogs are a danger

OP posts:
DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 14/03/2020 11:00

YABU.

It isn't usual for a person to be ok to live in filth.

BadCatDirtyCat · 14/03/2020 11:01

What's the kitchen/bathroom like and have they seen it? If they are hygienically clean and the rest of the house is not unsafe they the nurses should keep their beaks out.

IME people who work with dogs have quite different standards to others in terms of hair/smell but so long as there's not dog shit/wee/flea infestations etc in the house it's really just a matter of personal choice.

Sirzy · 14/03/2020 11:02

Of course they are going to be concerned then if you have trip hazards.

In the kindest possible way I think you need to use this as a chance to take a step back and look objectively at how your living. Given what district nurses are used to seeing for them to raise concerns that does really suggest it’s a bigger issue than you realise.

Maybe get someone in to do a deep clean and then help with keeping on top of things?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 14/03/2020 11:02

They're just worried about you, it sounds like you live in unsanitary conditions which as health workers they will naturally be worried about. If you're genuinely happy and your health isn't at risk then I don't think they'll do anything, they're just trying to do their jobs.

PanamaPattie · 14/03/2020 11:03

What do the nurses suggest you do? It’s all very well criticising but what are they offering in the way of help?

BadCatDirtyCat · 14/03/2020 11:03

OP hadn't said she lives in filth Hmm

TBF to the nurses trip hazards might be a worry if you've just had an operation and live alone. Can you get someone in to help clear items from the floor?

BentNeckLady · 14/03/2020 11:03

I do in to some right shitholes through my job. The owners always think they are “just messy” when they’re often a complete nightmare due to hoarding, poor hygiene, animal mess etc.

You’re used to living how you live. A district nurse will go in enough houses to be able to judge if yours is normal or not.

Candyfloss99 · 14/03/2020 11:04

Just tidy the house for the next time they are coming.

Peanutbutteryogurt · 14/03/2020 11:04

Well, it sounds like they are worried and maybe your house is worse than you think. From your description it doesn't sound very pleasant which is a shame as I'm sure a Georgian manor house could be beautiful if well kept.

Original poster
Slapin · 14/03/2020 11:05

It’s not filthy, you walk in and there is a tiled hallway which the floor gets messy with muddy paw prints. It’s washed once a day.

The living room is huge and basically full of my work stuff. Papers, laptop, folders etc. Dog hairs on the couch maybe. It’s vacuumed every couple of days.

Dining room has a big table and a piano ... both cluttered but not dirty. The room is rarely used. The kitchen is clean apart from the floor which is muddy.

I do have a study downstairs but it’s cluttered. I need to sort everything out and have some kind of a filing system but I’m always busy. There is another living room but it’s the dogs room and has their beds, bowls and toys in

OP posts:
hatgirl · 14/03/2020 11:05

Try and appreciate that they have to go and sit on other people's sofas after they have sat on yours. You might not mind the mess and that's up to you but they have to keep infection control in mind.

Having said that it must be pretty bad if three different district nurses have made a comment, those of us in the Health and Social Care sector are generally pretty hardened to 'untidy' houses. If you are honest with yourself is it perhaps worse than you realise if it has become your normal?

Original poster
Slapin · 14/03/2020 11:06

Downstairs bathroom is clean.

OP posts:
Sickoffamilydrama · 14/03/2020 11:07

Unfortunately it might be messier than you realise it's easy to have blinkers on with these things.

My in laws can easily say there's no dirty dishes or dog poo bit their house is chaotic and absolutely stinks of dog, we have to wash all our clothes after we visit and of they got us any clothing Christmas we have to instantly wash it.

My mum is similar in that she had an elderly dog and didn't really seem to notice how dirty and smelly the house has become.

MissBax · 14/03/2020 11:07

I'm a district nurse and we standardly put warnings on our notes when there's pets in a property. We also have to use clinical reasoning to assess concerns like self neglect (it's hard to say from your description whether this is the case but you've made it clear you don't care how the inside is and is literally a dogs home).
We don't set out to upset people, they probably are genuinely just concerned. Don't take offense.
I also use the sheet from our sterile dressing packs to lean or sit on if the house is dirty as we visit many patients with numerous health conditions and have to be aware about cross contamination going from one house to another.

LunchBoxPolice · 14/03/2020 11:08

Muddy floors, 4 dogs, stuff everywhere, having to put something down before you can sit on the sofa... sounds like you can’t really see how bad it is.

SpaceDinosaur · 14/03/2020 11:10

Three different professionals over three days, all saying the same thing... they may have a point.

They are there to dress your wound. If your home is dirty then you are living in a far form ideal environment to maintain the level of hygiene they would desire.

You have a large home. Awesome.
You have large dogs. Awesome. Well trained animals aren't a hazard, it's the poorly trained ones who let the side down and make everyone else wary.

If your home is dirty then either clean it or get a cleaner.
Do you feel there is little point to cleaning properly because the animals slobber and shed everywhere?

Perhaps allocate an area of your home for your pets and business and keep upstairs and one of the downstairs rooms "acceptable" for hygiene purposes.

vdbfamily · 14/03/2020 11:12

I would say that at the very least a visiting nurse should be able to find a place to sit that does not need wiping or hoovering before she sits down. If you are letting the docs use all the seats that is pretty from and maybe you should arrange some help with housework until you are fully recovered.

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/03/2020 11:12

Can you afford a cleaner?.

I did home visits when I was nhs and you get used to a certain level of grime so if yours is unusual it’s quite bad.