Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

District nurse saying I’m not coping

221 replies

Slapin · 14/03/2020 10:53

I live alone in a house I inherited. It’s a big Georgian Manor House with a long private driveway, surrounded by fields and tall hedges. I’m not houseproud at all but have a gardener who takes care of the outside so to keep it looking respectable. The inside I don’t care about. I work with dogs, I have 4 of my own and do boarding, dog walking, training classes etc so my house literally is a dog house. It’s a mess basically but I’m happy with that.

I have to have daily district nurse at the minute and first visit was Monday. When she came in she said she assumed she’d had the wrong address. Didn’t elaborate. I invited her to sit down while she did her paper work and she asked for the dogs to be kept in another room as they are big and scary (fair enough). She then opened up a little pack thing and put a blue sheet of paper on the couch before she sat on it!!
Second day different nurse came and let it slip that the system had a warning on it about the large dogs. She then started asking questions regarding support at home and whether I have a cleaner to help me. I said no and asked why I would have a cleaner when I’m normally independent, she said houses like this normally have a cleaner.
3rd day nurse turns up in a different uniform and said concerns had been raised about how I was coping. They keep asking probing questions and have mentioned safe guarding etc. I’m absolutely fine, normally independent, normally working 7 days a week!!

AIBU to think this is out of order?? They’re making me paranoid.

OP posts:
Pumpkintopf · 14/03/2020 12:02

Op could you just bundle all the papers up for now as you don't have time to sort them and get a cleaner in? Longer term could you afford to pay someone through your business for a few hours admin support each week to get on top of your paperwork?

CherryPavlova · 14/03/2020 12:04

It might be a shit hole but it’s your shit hole and your choice. You don’t need to clean at all. You can have as much dog slobber as you want.
It’s entirely your choice.

Justanothernameonthepage · 14/03/2020 12:04

It does sound as though you're so used to it, you no longer see it. If you can afford to hire a cleaner a couple times a week do so, or at the very least a spring clean service- that will show your taking their concerns seriously. If you also can, arrange a laundry service and someone to start organising through the clutter.
It's the kind of thing I've done for some people near where I live (Southampton) and they are always shocked at what difference a couple of hours can make.

HollowTalk · 14/03/2020 12:05

Does anyone else feel really panicky when they look at some of those hoarding pictures?

CheekyMango · 14/03/2020 12:05

I've actually downloaded better pics, I'd now say 1 and 1 only, if you can't tidy up to that before a visitor arrives you're not coping.

GinAndNightnurse · 14/03/2020 12:06

It’s not filthy

Hmmm..I suspect it might be.

whataboutbob · 14/03/2020 12:07

Haven’t read the whole thread but you sound quite insightful and articulate and I’m wondering whether this is about someone else. Somehow I’m having trouble believing the OP loves in a hovel.

bythehairsonmychinichinchin · 14/03/2020 12:07

TippledPink is absolutely correct

If OP doesn’t have any children there’s nothing the nurses can officially do other than raise their concerns with social services about her living conditions, she is under no obligation to accept any help/support.

I’ve been in some really grim houses, as long as there are no safe guarding issues, there’s nothing healthcare professionals and social services can legally do.

CheekyMango · 14/03/2020 12:08

Made me chuckle at how the bible made an appearance at picture 7...guess its never too late for divine helpConfused

Luckystar20 · 14/03/2020 12:09

I actually feel sorry for the person who gifted you their house. It sounds amazing and could be really beautiful but by you're own admission theres dog hairs and saliva all over the place. I can only imagine the smell. 3 professionals have raised an issue with the state of you're home. I think its alot worse than what youre letting on. My own dm is abit of a hoarder we have to tell her to have a clear out every now and then.

StoppinBy · 14/03/2020 12:09

If you are after honest feedback. Our house is a bombsite a lot of the time, I struggle with depression and we have a 2 year old and a 7 year old with ADHD who are both very capable of making mess and not being very helpful at cleaning it up. We have two dogs who are not allowed on the furniture ever.

All that said our house usually sits at a 2, sometimes a 1 and rarely a 3, 3 is not normal for us and 2 would need to be cleaned to 1 before I would have visitors.

It would take about 3 hours to tidy our house to a condition where I would be happy to have friends over.

As a dog lover I hate having to sit on furniture that either stinks of dog or is covered in dogs hair, wearing my own dogs hair after playing with them is bad enough and I quickly clean it off but picking up other people's dogs hair from sitting on furniture is really off putting. Getting slobered on by 4 wolf hounds, friendly or not is also off putting. If you had 1 I am sure they would probably be fine with having them out but not 4, no one can keep an eye on 4 dogs and change dressings at the same time.

I do see why they think they have cause for concern sorry if your floors are all muddy and the house is truly that cluttered. If you are genuinely ok with it then let them know, some people are, personally when my house looks like 3 I am not ok, not even close and it is a clear sign for me that I need to do something to pick myself up.

Bbang · 14/03/2020 12:09

@WorraLiberty

Well how can I possibly answer that? I don’t know what area OP lives in do I not her house size so you see that’s impossible for me to answer.

For clarity though a hoarding clean where I live on a standard 3 bed terrace is roughly £300ish could be as much as £500 depending on how many days/people booked. Cleaners going forward are £8/10 per hour.

Also Mind, Help for Hoarders are useful sources of free help and a referral to Grant a Smile could be popped through which would provide a free hoarding sort, clean and disposal.

It’s not so unrealistic.

MrsGrindah · 14/03/2020 12:12

I’m not saying there’s anything anybody can do legally. I’m saying encouraging the OP to ignore 3 professionals concerns with a cheery “ Its your life!” is irresponsible

MimiLaRue · 14/03/2020 12:16

I’m not saying there’s anything anybody can do legally. I’m saying encouraging the OP to ignore 3 professionals concerns with a cheery “ Its your life!” is irresponsible

Exactly- and encouraging the OP to tell nurses to stop visiting when she has wounds that need dressing that could become infected or septic is dreadfully irresponsible

Devlesko · 14/03/2020 12:17

You don't sound like you are coping if your house smells of dogs and you have hairs all over the place.
I'd be worried too as I have a friend who does similar to you, and you visit and you wouldn't have a clue.
if you can't manage to keep clean and healthy, you will need to rehome the dogs/ stop the training.

Oakmaiden · 14/03/2020 12:18

My house is a 2 I reckon - sometimes a 3. Might occasionally, and in certain rooms, tip into a 4 or worse, but it does bother me when it does.

Actually my sewing room is a 5 or 6. I hate it. It has been made worse as my daughter's drum kit, piano and other miscellaneous musical instruments are fighting my fabric collection for space. I do hoard fabric though.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 14/03/2020 12:18

It sounds like the involvement of the District Nurses is temporary whilst you recover from your operation. In honesty I would listen to what they are saying in relation to your recovery - is there a trip hazard whilst you are recovering from your surgery? Is there an increased chance of wound infection if things aren't clean? Are you less mobile due to the clutter?

If you want to disregard their opinion later you are welcome to, you can choose how you live, but I'd bare in mind that if three District Nurses think this then probably many other people would too.

There are relatives and friends who I avoid visiting at home because their houses make me feel queasy. In particular when their home smells strongly of their pets, or is so cluttered that it's very dirty. I think if your home gradually becomes that way you don't notice it yourself. Their choice to live how they like, but I'm sure I'm not the only one to decline invitations to visit, so they end up more isolated.

Are you committed to staying in this big house you inherited? I have a relative who lives in a large old inherited house and I think they would be much better to sell up and move somewhere appropriately sized that they could manage. Their place is a mess and falling into disrepair, and it consumes so much of their time and attention. They never throw anything away as there is enough space to keep everything, so it just gets increasingly cluttered. Any time spent cleaning and fixing things is a drop in the ocean as the house is far too big for them to manage. They are constantly doing a "clear out" that will take decades to complete!

If you want to stay as a bare minimum I'd have a sofa that the dogs aren't allowed on and is kept clutter free so visitors can sit there. Many people do not want to sit on a sofa that smells of dog or has any hair or slobber. People I know with dogs and nice houses either have a dog free living room, or clean frequently.

OhLook · 14/03/2020 12:19

Would it actually be possible too have four Irish wolfhounds and your house not smell like dogs?

Oakmaiden · 14/03/2020 12:21

I meant to say - the level of clutter etc in your home is up to you. If it bothers you then you can do something about it - even if that something is to hire someone to come and help you get it in order.

As for cleaning- again up to you. Can you afford help? Do you want it - particularly while you are ill? I do think having a cleaner house lifts people's moods...

userxx · 14/03/2020 12:24

Would it actually be possible too have four Irish wolfhounds and your house not smell like dogs?

Smelling like dog isn't a problem though is it. A smell isn't going to cause issues.

Doggodogington · 14/03/2020 12:24

I wish they’d bring that extreme hoarding show, I used to love seeing the before/after photos!

OhLook · 14/03/2020 12:24

Sorry, that was in response to whoever said that if her house smells like dogs she isn't coping.

adaline · 14/03/2020 12:24

We have three animals and we have to vacuum and wash floors etc. daily to keep on top of the smell and hair.

You say there's hair on the sofa and floors and mud all over your kitchen floor - that is pretty unpleasant no matter how you look at it. I suspect you've become a bit nose-blind to it all I'm afraid. I wouldn't want to spend too long in a house that was covered in mud and hair. Having pets doesn't mean you have to live in filth.

I'm a dog-walker and go to clients' houses on a daily basis to collect their dogs. None of them live in mess and their houses don't smell of dog. They also don't have muddy floors or hairy sofas.

adaline · 14/03/2020 12:26

Smelling like dog isn't a problem though is it. A smell isn't going to cause issues.

Maybe not directly but to me, it's a sign that your house isn't particularly clean. Having dogs doesn't mean your house has to smell.

OhLook · 14/03/2020 12:28

...unless you have four giant Irish wolfhounds.