District nurse saying I’m not coping

[Slapin]

I live alone in a house I inherited. It’s a big Georgian Manor House with a long private driveway, surrounded by fields and tall hedges. I’m not houseproud at all but have a gardener who takes care of the outside so to keep it looking respectable. The inside I don’t care about. I work with dogs, I have 4 of my own and do boarding, dog walking, training classes etc so my house literally is a dog house. It’s a mess basically but I’m happy with that.

I have to have daily district nurse at the minute and first visit was Monday. When she came in she said she assumed she’d had the wrong address. Didn’t elaborate. I invited her to sit down while she did her paper work and she asked for the dogs to be kept in another room as they are big and scary (fair enough). She then opened up a little pack thing and put a blue sheet of paper on the couch before she sat on it!!
Second day different nurse came and let it slip that the system had a warning on it about the large dogs. She then started asking questions regarding support at home and whether I have a cleaner to help me. I said no and asked why I would have a cleaner when I’m normally independent, she said houses like this normally have a cleaner.
3rd day nurse turns up in a different uniform and said concerns had been raised about how I was coping. They keep asking probing questions and have mentioned safe guarding etc. I’m absolutely fine, normally independent, normally working 7 days a week!!

AIBU to think this is out of order?? They’re making me paranoid.

I think the three nurses all agreeing is a red herring. Nurse 1 set the alarm bells ringing and the other two are escalating it.

The best, most accurate and least judgemental advice on this thread is from CherryPavlova, who I think is pretty experienced in this field. Look up the 2005 Mental Health Act, OP, be very clear about what it says and invoke it if you get any more hassle.

Regardless of what anyone else thinks, you are perfectly entitled to live as you wish. Your dogs aren’t shitting indoors and you’re cleaning up muddy paw prints. My mum was a nurse and she maintained that as long as the kitchen, bathroom and beds were clean, there wasn’t much to worry about. Bear in mind a lot of people on MN are completely irrational about dogs.

I'm also a community nurse. In regards to the dogs, just because they ask for them to be put in another room doesn't mean they aren't dog people. But there is a risk of cross contamination if they might decide to jump on the dressing pack etc. The dog could think you're being harmed and bite the nurse (I had a nasty bite from a dog in a patients house). They may be off to some having chemo next which means they don't want to be transferring germs on their uniform. I have seen all sorts of houses, they just want to help you. You're right though. Have an open discussion about what their concerns are and address them together. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

...unless you have four giant Irish wolfhounds.

Sorry, I disagree. It's perfectly possible to keep on top of the smell and hair, it just means you have to work harder than someone with one small dog, and lots of people aren't bothered enough to do that.

OP lives alone so ultimately it's her business how she keeps her house, though.

Your dogs aren’t shitting indoors and you’re cleaning up muddy paw prints.

If your house is very cluttered, how do you know if one of the dogs has managed to shit somewhere? It could be weeks before the OP spots it.

Of course as the OP has mental capacity she is able to make the decision to live in any level of filth. That doesn't mean that the district nurses can't tell the OP they are concerned and advise about how it might impact her health. They are also completely within their rights to ask for the dogs to be shut away and it be flagged on the system. I have met too many 'friendly dogs' who have been menacing or jumping up and licking you when you're trying to do a sterile procedure.

For 3 nurses to be concerned about how the OP is living suggests to me that it's more than cluttered.

Maybe not directly but to me, it's a sign that your house isn't particularly clean. Having dogs doesn't mean your house has to smell.

My house it very clean but there is a whiff of dog because a dog lives in it. If I built and kennel and banished him outside there wouldn't be a doggy smell.

How do people keep their dogs smelling like frebreze 24/7 ?

If your house is very cluttered, how do you know if one of the dogs has managed to shit somewhere?

Because her dogs are housetrained, if a housetrained dog shits indoors it tells you itself - it’s so embarrassed, its ears and tail go down and it won’t look at you. Also it stinks, your nose tells you.

A slight whiff of dog isn't the same as a home that stinks of dog though - there's a big difference.

We vacuum and mop floors daily. The sofa is also vacuumed daily to get dog hair off. We have throws and blankets on the soft furnishings and they're rotated and washed regularly (at least once a week) as are things like cushion covers. All the dog stuff (leads, harnesses, collars) are washed weekly as well as they really do stink after a few wears.

It is a fair bit of effort but it's worth it at the end of the day. I have family members with asthma so it's extra important to me that they can be here for a decent period of time.

You say that the hallway is mopped regularly, but that is when you are well and mobile. I can only assume that at the moment the mopping has been put on hold, and if you live in the UK and have been letting the dogs out for a run in the garden then they wil have been acting as mud magnets and bringing it all home with them. I take it you are not up to much grooming either.

All in all I think you are being a bit disengenuous, you have a wound that is bad enough to be dressed daily, in an overstretched NHS you are damn lucky to be having this done for you at home, I think you need to start being a bit more proactive with your health needs, get someone in to clean a living room, the hallway. , a bedroom and a bathroom. Forget about the room littered with paperwork and the dogs room but ffs make sure you and your health care workers have clean spaces to sit and work.

Because her dogs are housetrained, if a housetrained dog shits indoors it tells you itself - it’s so embarrassed, its ears and tail go down and it won’t look at you. Also it stinks, your nose tells you.

Not necessarily as all dogs are different and in a house with 3 other dogs, easy to miss the look of guilt.

I'm not entirely sure the smell would be massively noticeable in the OP's house either, especially as it's so large.

If your wound gets infected OP then just “put on your poshest and most distainful voice and send it packing”
These people are concerned about your health, they are there to help you so please listen to them

The thing is, everything other than the first picture in those clutter images pp shared is quite messy. I'd say like you did in your opening post that I'm not houseproud and quite messy, but by that I mean my house sometimes reaches picture 2 before I tackle it.
Picture 4 or 5 must be quite difficult to live with, especially with animals in that space as well.
If you can't find the time or motivation to reduce that amount of clutter then I'd suggest that you aren't coping and could do with some outside help to get on top of it.
That's nothing to be ashamed of. Often the first step to resolving something is acknowledging there's a problem.

The bit that caught my attention is that your piano is piled high with paperwork to sort.
That image alone just makes me imagine clutter and hoarding.

Whatever you think of the cleanliness/tidiness of the house, they obviously think it's not clean/tidy enough.

Get a deep clean from a cleaner for a day/afternoon, and maybe also get the carpet shampooed to add to the effect.

Then get a cleaner once (and maybe twice due to the dogs) a week.

Then next time they come they can't have a problem with it. Problem solved.

I would describe my mum's house as between 4 and 5 on that picture scale. She takes a lot of pride in how clean and tidy her house is. She's in denial. It's minging.

OP you need to realise that you house isn't 'not that bad'. It is bad. If your happy with that and nobody else depends on you or lives there, then that's fine, carry on as you are. But don't expect other people not to notice.

We have two dogs, one very old dog does smell now, we bathe him and throw loose covers on his sofa, those and his bedding are always being washed. We always lock the dogs away when visitors come including the grand children because one DIL is paranoid about dogs and germs.

I would if I was you and had the funds contact a cleaning agency to do a deep clean, before that order some filing boxes on Amazon and file, file, file. It will keep you occupied whilst you are recuperating which is very boring I find. I file stuff because when we snuff it children need to know what is what. Oh and I bet some of it should be in the bin by now.

www.amazon.co.uk/Bankers-Corrugated-Cardboard-Storage-Archive/dp/B01NAX5F8L/ref=sr_1_3?s=officeproduct&crid=39FB6YB8LS32K&keywords=filing+boxes+cardboard&sprefix=filing+boxes+%2Coffice-products%2C176&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1584190369&sr=1-3

I've worked with a few nurses whose own homes were pretty grim.
If you're safe and coping then the state of your home is nobody's business but yours. But you do need to look at your home as if you're seeing it for the first time. We put our furniture in storage for 4 months in between moving and when we moved in I looked at our sofa and was shocked at how old and grubby it looked. I had got so used to seeing it that I hadn't realised how bad it was.

You only hoover every few days even though you have dogs? Can guarantee your house is a mess.
You’re clearly blind to it.
Nurses see all kinds of houses, and if yours is causing concern, it must be bad.

Your couch is full of dog hair and slobber that you didnt think to clean before they come?
I dont blame them laying something down to sit on, they have to go into other peoples home and wont want dog hair and drool on their uniform.
Sounds pretty grim and i wouldn't sit on your couch either.

Irish wolfhounds can look a bit scruffy as their hair is quite lank.
Can you casually mention that they are prize winners or champions for behaviour.
Also can you take them to the dining room as it is dog free and shut the dogs outside the back. Or would gardener keep them out of the way.
They are wilful dogs and can appear out of control , also are v strong.

When both social and NHS services are so stretched, frankly I’d have thought they’d have something better to concern themselves about.

One person’s ‘messy but Ok’ is another person’s ‘disgusting’. However, given that some MNers think it’s disgusting not to wash towels after every use, or not to Dettol-wipe your skirting boards every day, not to mention the common MN loathing of dogs, I dare say you’ll get a lot of YABUs.

As I’m sure you’re well aware, OP, they can’t force any intervention on you.

If you're mobile and able to work 7 days, how are you having a daily district nurse visit and not being sent into clinic to have your dressing tended? Genuine question because my aunt in a similar situation has been told she is mobile so can get to clinic.

Also your house doesn't sound ideal. There will be a dog smell, the clutter and the muddy floors - it's not ideal. It may not be horrendous, but it sounds like it's in need of a good deep clean. Sort your papers out and get a company in to do a one off, see how you feel about a weekly clean then.

I clean in a house with 4 cats and a really messy husband, crumbs are EVERYWHERE. How she lives with such a scruffy bugger is beyond me. However, I clean weekly and it stops the house from becoming grimy. When I first went it was piled with cat hair and layers of crumbs, the kitchen was thick with grime but it didn't actually look that dirty at first glance. I think they'd got used to it.

You are not seeing just how bad your home is. You saw the clutter images band said you’re a 4/5
I looked at those clutter images and shuddered, even the tidiest one is still pretty grim in my eyes, yes I understand how hard it is to stay clean, tidy and clutter free when you have a family, toddlers, teens, dogs, disabilities etc.

Dog hairs, slobber, mud, your house is a mess, and that’s ok if that’s how you are happy to live, but please don’t minimise your inadequacies, you live in a dirty, scruffy home.
Those nurses have to sit on a piece of paper, because if they don’t, they’re not being fair to other patients.

Employ a cleaner or don't, but in all honest, you don’t seem to be coping. Yabu, nobody else.

I'm not a DN but I used to do Home Visits .
I have been in houses where there are animals , cat trays that would make you heave , full comodes, dirty clothes , cables, carpets loose , dogs , dog hair , patient in state of undress , flies .

Of all of these things:
Dogs have to be put in another room, our Lone Worker Policy has this ( actually it says "animals" so I suppose cats too)

I put my bags down, the ones I will take from Pnt A to Pnt B via the boot of my car . If the house is unclean, I'd put a plastic apron down first .
I don't sit on a chair , I have a folding stoll.

I put my equipment to use on an plastic field , I don't want animals traipsing across it

Obviously if there's a hazard - dogs potentially aggressive , dog likely to run off with something, it is noted .
There are Staff members who are allergic to animals (and those who have religious objections to dogs)

From the second I set foot in the door I am doing a mental risk assessment .
Can I get out if there's a fire in the kitchen ?
Can I get out if the patient (or more likely a relative or friend) turns aggressive .

If I was obliged to go to a house where I knew my uniform would get covered in hair and slobber , it would be the last visit of the day .
Though TBH, if the conditions were unsafe , the NHS would be well within its rights to withdraw the Domicillary Care and offer care at a clinic (which would involve the patient being out far longer )

So Yes. The 4-5 Clutter Level IS unsafe and Did need reporting .

A person is within their rights to live in any way they see fit . They do not have the right to put other people at risk.

A visit from the local Fire Service would be advisory too, if there is a lot of clutter and fire hazard material.

If you can afford it I'd get a company to do a deep clean. They can pack boxs with your papers before cleaning