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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

District nurse saying I’m not coping

221 replies

Slapin · 14/03/2020 10:53

I live alone in a house I inherited. It’s a big Georgian Manor House with a long private driveway, surrounded by fields and tall hedges. I’m not houseproud at all but have a gardener who takes care of the outside so to keep it looking respectable. The inside I don’t care about. I work with dogs, I have 4 of my own and do boarding, dog walking, training classes etc so my house literally is a dog house. It’s a mess basically but I’m happy with that.

I have to have daily district nurse at the minute and first visit was Monday. When she came in she said she assumed she’d had the wrong address. Didn’t elaborate. I invited her to sit down while she did her paper work and she asked for the dogs to be kept in another room as they are big and scary (fair enough). She then opened up a little pack thing and put a blue sheet of paper on the couch before she sat on it!!
Second day different nurse came and let it slip that the system had a warning on it about the large dogs. She then started asking questions regarding support at home and whether I have a cleaner to help me. I said no and asked why I would have a cleaner when I’m normally independent, she said houses like this normally have a cleaner.
3rd day nurse turns up in a different uniform and said concerns had been raised about how I was coping. They keep asking probing questions and have mentioned safe guarding etc. I’m absolutely fine, normally independent, normally working 7 days a week!!

AIBU to think this is out of order?? They’re making me paranoid.

OP posts:

SoleBizzz · 14/03/2020 11:27

Why are people who aren't keen on dogs always made out to be Satan?

Hire a cleaner?

Ginfordinner · 14/03/2020 11:29

It’s not disgusting as such. Dog hairs and dog slobber.

I think you will find that most people will find that disgusting. I have friends with dogs and their houses are clean and tidy. You clearly have much lower standards than most people.

Given what district nurses are used to seeing for them to raise concerns that does really suggest it’s a bigger issue than you realise

I agree with this ^^

Clutter scale pictures I’d say between 4-5

I’m not surprised that the nurses are concerned then. I couldn’t live like that. It obviously doesn’t bother you, but even my very untidy relatives have higher standards than you do.

WorraLiberty · 14/03/2020 11:31

How would you cope if there was an outbreak of fleas?

You'd have to take time out of your busy schedule to tidy everything away so you could do a deep clean/de-flea.

Why not do it as soon as you're better? Even if you just set aside 2 hours a day?

You've said your house is 'between 4 & 5' in those pictures but I'm going to hazard a guess it might be nearer 5 & 6, based on you saying "dog hairs on the couch maybe " but then going on to say you only hoover every few days.

That'll be a 'definitely' then...not a 'maybe'.

curlsnotfrizz · 14/03/2020 11:31

It’s not disgusting as such.

Not disgusting as such? I guess this is an admission that things are pretty gross but ultimately it's your home but I would not want to visit clients where I have to sit on sofas covered in dog slobber. So I understand the nurses too.

why are nurses visiting? Is this relevant?

FredaFrogspawn · 14/03/2020 11:31

Don’t send them packing if you have a wound to dress; that’s bad advice.

MyBlueMoonbeam · 14/03/2020 11:32

Personally I like the sound of your house OP and you are entitled to live how you want ig you have the mental capacity, which is not easy to take away. Put on your poshest disdainful voice and send them packing.

This

curlsnotfrizz · 14/03/2020 11:33

just saw I missed the update. they come due to a medical procedure. I would ignore in that case. I guess visits will soon stop anyways.

MyBlueMoonbeam · 14/03/2020 11:33

Don’t send them packing if you have a wound to dress; that’s bad advice.

True actually 😖

Nomorepies · 14/03/2020 11:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

LeniSpring · 14/03/2020 11:34

1/2/3/4 on that scale all look fine to me. 5 is where it starts getting worse.

Cohle · 14/03/2020 11:34

Put on your poshest disdainful voice and send them packing

She's immobile following surgery. Sending the NHS workers trying to care for her packing is a really shit idea.

AnotherMurkyDay · 14/03/2020 11:34

I would use this as a catalyst for change. You've become blind to it (and nose blind too!) but if three consecutive nurses have been concerned then it is concerning. Yes it is your home, but things happen in life that can mean things can get more out of hand than usual (like your current injury) and if the place is already a bit out of hand it can quickly become a real health hazard.

MimiLaRue · 14/03/2020 11:35

YABU. They are just doing their job. It sounds as if you are at risk tbh.

MrsGrindah · 14/03/2020 11:35

Op you say yourself there’s dog slobber and hairs! This is turning my stomach just reading it. If you are post op you are at a higher risk of infection. They are just doing their jobs and you need to listen to them.

WorraLiberty · 14/03/2020 11:35

A cleaner isn't going to touch the OP's house whilst it's that cluttered.

It makes it pretty impossible to clean.

CinnabarRed · 14/03/2020 11:36

Just googled that clutter image rating picture. Other versions recommend seeking professional help for hoarding disorders for ratings of 4 and above,

Sharpandshineyteeth · 14/03/2020 11:36

It is absolutely up to you how you live. I say this as a social worker who goes into all kinds of homes. If it’s just you, it’s your choice.

gamerchick · 14/03/2020 11:37

I can’t get a cleaner because I need to sort the papers out first but I never get time. Plus what’s the point, cleaner runs through the house and the dogs follow making a mess

I had a friend once who refused the clean her toilet because 'someone will just be sick in it afterwards'. She thought that reasonable.

What you're saying anyone could apply to their lives. What's the point of tidying when the kids will just make a mess again type of stuff.

You're allowing your dog's to live in grim conditions because you can't be arsed. I don't believe for one second you clean as often as you do because your other posts say otherwise. Do you at least clean their room? Poor buggers.

MimiLaRue · 14/03/2020 11:37

Put on your poshest disdainful voice and send them packing

Yeah- brilliant idea for someone who has wounds that need regular dressing to be kept clean and safe. Much better that the wounds get infected and put her at risk of cellulitis and sepsis eh? after all, I hear the NHS are really bored at the moment with not much to do....

yikesanotherbooboo · 14/03/2020 11:39

As regards the dogs ; if hcps are coming to your house you should have them shut away before the door is open. The DN has no way of judging a dog's character and the dog might be protecting its owner. This should be routine dog management and there is a section on the DN's referral letter to make comment about dogs etc. There is no judgement it is just safety . I love dogs but have been jumped at and snapped at many times and it is alarming.
I don't know about the cleanliness aspect but I would say that the DNS visit many houses and it is common for them to be grubby after all they are often visiting because the patients are inform and not up to activities of daily life. If they are genuinely suggesting that the house is unsanitary I would gently suggest that maybe it is. They may of course just be making an assumption that you can afford to pay for help and that it might help your recovery if you didn't have to worry about household chores.

Pinkdelight3 · 14/03/2020 11:39

"Surely it's up to OP how often she cleans her house seen as she owns it."

If she trips and bursts her stitches and/or her wound gets infected due to unsanitary conditions, it won't be up to her to make it better, will it? Some responsibility has to be taken by someone along the line. Unless OP wants to end up as a headline in a mad dog lady found eaten in her dilapidated Georgian mansion story.

DitheringDoris · 14/03/2020 11:39

I have a friend like you op, her Great Danes are her life, she lives in a great big pile of a house, it’s full of muddy paw prints, hairs and can smell a bit ‘doggy’ at times, to my standards she doesn’t live in squalor but I imagine it would be seen that way by some other people. She just has different priorities, she has no children, no partner, the dogs and her horses come first. I wouldn’t let the nurses comments bother you at all, in one ear and out the other.

inselfisolationnow · 14/03/2020 11:40

When people say their house is 'cluttered but not dirty' they usually aren't seeing it. If it's cluttered it can't be properly clean can it because you're only cleaning around the clutter.

MingeofDeath · 14/03/2020 11:40

I used to be a DN. The squalor that some people live in is quite shocking. I had to pick my way across turd strewn floors, shit smeared everywhere, bottles of urine lying all over and more, I could go on. The thing is, people living like this seem to be blind to it. When visiting, everything was done to try to avoid touching as little as possible including putting things down to sit on.Sometimes it was prudent not even to sit down. If they don't wash their hands but use wipe/sanitiser instead then you probably live in a shithole

TiredMum10 · 14/03/2020 11:40

Yabu. 3 people with probably differing standards of cleanliness saw your home and decided to flag it up. I would tend to believe them over you from what you described.

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