District nurse saying I’m not coping

[Slapin]

I live alone in a house I inherited. It’s a big Georgian Manor House with a long private driveway, surrounded by fields and tall hedges. I’m not houseproud at all but have a gardener who takes care of the outside so to keep it looking respectable. The inside I don’t care about. I work with dogs, I have 4 of my own and do boarding, dog walking, training classes etc so my house literally is a dog house. It’s a mess basically but I’m happy with that.

I have to have daily district nurse at the minute and first visit was Monday. When she came in she said she assumed she’d had the wrong address. Didn’t elaborate. I invited her to sit down while she did her paper work and she asked for the dogs to be kept in another room as they are big and scary (fair enough). She then opened up a little pack thing and put a blue sheet of paper on the couch before she sat on it!!
Second day different nurse came and let it slip that the system had a warning on it about the large dogs. She then started asking questions regarding support at home and whether I have a cleaner to help me. I said no and asked why I would have a cleaner when I’m normally independent, she said houses like this normally have a cleaner.
3rd day nurse turns up in a different uniform and said concerns had been raised about how I was coping. They keep asking probing questions and have mentioned safe guarding etc. I’m absolutely fine, normally independent, normally working 7 days a week!!

AIBU to think this is out of order?? They’re making me paranoid.

@Tattoocrazymum i dont disagree with you on that point.
@70isaLimitNotaTarget i would not be saying your life etc if children were involved but they aren't so a totally irrelevant point.

From a practical perspective on the papers, if you are not a filer person, get one of those towers of small plastic drawers where each drawer is big enough to hold paper. Stick a quick label on each drawer and drop each pile in. You will still have all your papers and occasionally will be forced to clean out a drawer when it gets full.

It could be just because of the dogs that she put the paper down - I do like dogs but I still feel icky about dog hair and slobber (otherwise I’d have one) - not saying I’m normal but I think unless you’re absolutely a dog person your sofa possibly seems unhygienic and as others have said the nurse has to consider her next patients and her car too. It’s so easy to be blind to things like pet smells/hair when you live with it.

I must say I feel a bit better about my house having seen the clutter rating photos

i would not be saying your life etc if children were involved but they aren't so a totally irrelevant point

I don't get your point .

You say however the OP wants to live her life in her house is up to her . Fair enough if she doesn't need anyone else to interact and subject themselves to the potential health hazards ( and I'm putting clutter and trip hazard alongside fur and slobber)

But - as most people on a Parenting Site have DC and aren''t part of the % of the population who have to go into a filthy house in their line of work while protecting their other , potentially vunerable patients ......they would see it as a "avoid the situation, stay aware" scenario.

No we arent talking about children in this case .
But why should someone expect another person to go into an unsafe environment ? Then be put out when three different HCPs all state the same ?

And yes , I have been in some "wipe your feet on the way out/ Pig as an air freshener" houses so I know better than most

Would you have family that are willing to help give the place a good spring cleaning and sort out the paper work. I had a relative who thought her house was just a bit messy, a couple of us gave a dig out and she realised how bad it actually was. It's always spotless now.

Get a cleaner in ,to do a good scrub ,just. To keep people off your back

As regards paperwork if it is to do with your business treat it as part of work. It should have dedicated time just as the actual dog walking. Any small business has paperwork and it needs to be in order. How do you work out things for tax returns? If a client asked you about bills paid would you be able to find the detail?

Can you cut down on any new paperwork by going online for utilities, council tax.

Have you been to many other people's homes recently? I only ask as I have a family member who the nurses refuse to visit as they say her house is a health hazard and they will not risk their own health by visiting her. She is a hoarder but used to be very in denial and when she would visit other people's homes she would say they were too clean or that they had more time/money than her so it was easier for them to clean etc. So I am just wondering if your home may be worse than you think.

4-5 on the picture scale is really pretty bad. It’s definitely unusual to live like that.

I think you need to be honest about your current situation

Hoarding clutter or not noticing it as an issue can be a sign of someone not coping.

Do you have a friend(s) or relatives that can come in and help you sort out the piles of paperwork and clutter? Whatever the nurses' rights and wrongs it clearly does need to be done and it sounds like getting some help would, well, help, if you've been too busy to do any filing for a long time. If it wasnt for my annual tax return I'd be the same - well, I am, but the tax return makes me sort it all out once a year lol!

There are professional declutter people, or a personal assistant, or an accountant or similar type of hired help could be hired flexibly, first help you get it all in order, then for them to help keep on top of it.

I have a friend who lives in a way that is utterly past gross by my standards (and mine are low when it comes to clutter!). She would describe herself as "a bit disorganised" when actually there's opened congealed packets of fresh food from 6 months ago in the middle of piles of paperwork, and they have one room where the puppy pees and they simply leave it to to dry. I loaned her some equipment and had to take it back when I went over and found it sitting in a puddle of old horse pee on her stable yard I'm not saying you are like that, but I think we can all underestimate our own situations.

I agree with other posters saying dogs should be shut away, I work in community nursing and have been jumped all over while knelt down doing dressings, had samples stolen by a dog and have colleagues who have been bitten

@MauriceandAlec Wow. What a totally unnecessary and nasty post. Do you have many friends in real life?

Just googled Georgian Manor house and they look gorgeous

Like this

Userxx Whereas accusing someone of having no friends is a totally pleasant and delightful way to behave?

If you disapprove of people being nasty don't be nasty yourself.

I’d want to put something on a chair if it was disgusting too. Don’t forget she has to go and sit back into her car.

I hope you get your strength back and recover well. With regards to your home you have the right to live however you choose. Having said that hygiene is important for your physical and mental well being. I would start off small, one room at a time. Breaking tasks into more manageable chunks that you can attempt at least once a week.

I clean up every day to some degree, I have two toddlers who will promptly take out toys and meas up a room after I have cleaned it. That doesn't mean I dont go to the effort otherwise I would live in a swamp of toys. I do set chores each day to make it manageable for me. Do you have friends who could help?

Op doesn’t want to talk to us now ☹️

You’re a dog trainer, OP? Can you not train your dogs to wipe their feet when they come in so they don’t leave mud everywhere? I am not a dog trainer (in a nurse! ) but my dog is trained to wipe his feet when he comes in, or stop when he comes in the door so I can wipe him down.

I manage to have a dog and two insanely fluffy cats and a clean, fresh smelling house that doesn’t require extra preparation for guests to sit on the sofa

It does sound like you live in grim conditions, and I would probably ask if you were coping tbh.

*I’m, not in

@MountDiogenes

They are gorgeous! Mine is not like those though lol, the closest one would be the 5th picture.

So the nurse came after I posted this. A different nurse and I ended up breaking down crying that they were trying to take my dogs away 🤦‍♀️ She was lovely and has changed the warning to say “4 large dogs on property, friendly but patient will secure before visit” as she agreed it was worded to imply that they were aggressive.

Anyway she asked if she could meet the dogs as she was a dog lover and I was her last patient. She was absolutely lovely and even stayed to help me clear up the dining room! She has advised that I take nurses straight into there. She also said I have a beautiful house ☺️

The dining room is now clear and dog free. I’m going to start on the living room tomorrow and start looking into cleaners.

That's great news OP. Step by step.

The 5th one still looks very lovely. Good news about the visit and well done for making a start.

Great news OP!