District nurse saying I’m not coping

[Slapin]

I live alone in a house I inherited. It’s a big Georgian Manor House with a long private driveway, surrounded by fields and tall hedges. I’m not houseproud at all but have a gardener who takes care of the outside so to keep it looking respectable. The inside I don’t care about. I work with dogs, I have 4 of my own and do boarding, dog walking, training classes etc so my house literally is a dog house. It’s a mess basically but I’m happy with that.

I have to have daily district nurse at the minute and first visit was Monday. When she came in she said she assumed she’d had the wrong address. Didn’t elaborate. I invited her to sit down while she did her paper work and she asked for the dogs to be kept in another room as they are big and scary (fair enough). She then opened up a little pack thing and put a blue sheet of paper on the couch before she sat on it!!
Second day different nurse came and let it slip that the system had a warning on it about the large dogs. She then started asking questions regarding support at home and whether I have a cleaner to help me. I said no and asked why I would have a cleaner when I’m normally independent, she said houses like this normally have a cleaner.
3rd day nurse turns up in a different uniform and said concerns had been raised about how I was coping. They keep asking probing questions and have mentioned safe guarding etc. I’m absolutely fine, normally independent, normally working 7 days a week!!

AIBU to think this is out of order?? They’re making me paranoid.

It is absolutely up to you how you live. I say this as a social worker who goes into all kinds of homes. If it’s just you, it’s your choice.

You may be a social worker but that’s shit advice.

If she trips and bursts her stitches and/or her wound gets infected due to unsanitary conditions, it won't be up to her to make it better, will it?

No, it's still her choice though.

I used to think that the aim of cleaning and tidying was to end up with a clean and tidy house. Now I realised that my house is never going to be clean and tidy everywhere. While I am tackling one area, my kids are trashing another. I never get all my housework ducks in a row all at the same time BUT I do know that however messy or cluttered everything might look, it has all been moved and cleaned. Nothing is in the same position. It's like the mess and dirt get rotated. But regularly enough that I know that no area is a health hazard at any time. Not just dishes, but fabrics washed regularly, soft furnishings wiped down, hoovered, mopped, surfaces cleaned (even if I just move the crap that was on there off and put it straight back again). I don't have high standards, I don't have the energy for them and have kids working against me constantly and lots of other life and time commitments. I view it as brushing my teeth. I don't brush my teeth and expect them to stay clean. Sometimes I brush them and eat something ten minutes later. But i still brush them because they need cleaning. Housework is the same. Even if nobody can tell, if it's regularly cleaned then the rot will not set in

Surely if people have an untidy house that is their business ? Poo on the floors, or something would make me worry someone wasn’t coping and needed help, but not untidyness. My desk is heaped with books and papers much of the time, but my loo is always clean, washing done but always have an ironing pile etc. Beds are always changed and sheets clean, but there is general clutter.

Also get leather furniture so it can actually be wiped clean.
I love dogs but dog hairs and slobber over furniture really is disgusting and will stink.

I'm a 3-4 and that's when I consider the house tidy (basically have 1.5-2x more stuff than the house can really contain).

I have 2 cats, I hoover once a week, can't actually remember when I last mopped any of the tiles, and am feeling particularly tidy because DP's away so the kitchen has had all its sides wiped every day, and the dishes in the dishwasher rather than left on the side.

Most people I know/visit are about that level - makes me feel more comfortable in someone's house when there's normal house stuff about, rather than show-room standard. Washing in baskets waiting to be put away, stuff on the draining board, toys, or magazines hanging around etc.

II think with 4 wolf-hounds, plus other people's dogs, there's going to be an affect on a house no matter how much you try!

People do have very different standards. My aunt would throw away anything she didn't immediately have a home for - her house was virtually sterile - but that's not for everyone, and people from one end of the spectrum can't understand the people at the other end.

I’m a HCP we are usually pretty hardened to untidy houses and make pretty accurate judgments on when’s it’s becoming out of the ordinary and a problem, if three of them have flagged it up then unfortunately it’s worse than you think.

You sound like you’re hoarding and desensitised to it, hire a team of cleaners that specialise in hoarding to sort the house and get a cleaner to keep on top of it.

Putting the dogs away is normal and I’m plus want them away also whilst working.

I’m imagining with four dogs it stinks of dog which isn’t the best thing. I probably would temporarily pay for a cleaner if you’re able to, while you’re recovering.

I’m guessing trip hazards = clutter and they’re concerned incase you fall when you’re alone.

Your house sounds amazing to be honest. Also sounds like you need a bit of help with the tidying while you're in recovery.

From what you've described it sounds very messy but clean and if you're generally happy then its no-one's business really.

I suspect you’re downplaying how bad it is because you’ve lost sight of what clean and tidy houses actually look like.

Op have you got anyone who can help you? Irish wolfhounds are my favourite dogs but having 4 of these giants is going to create a lot of mess!

The house sounds large enough to perhaps have your living room, bedroom, bathroom & kitchen maybe dog free?

Would there be enough rooms that the dogs could have then?

That way you can keep your living quarters hygienic and smell free.

Clutter is fine, up to a point.

Visitors having to put a cover down before sitting, so they don’t get covered in dog hairs and slobber, means it isn’t just cluttered it’s dirty.

Relative has 6 dogs, own business and school age child so is also busy and I don’t have to put something down before I sit in their sofa.

If you’ve got four big dogs then you’ve probably become used to the smell and there’s probably a lot more dog hair than you realise.

Best thing to do is ask them straight in a non-confrontational manner so you can sort it so your in a safe environment while you recover.

I'm jealous of the Irish wolfhounds

Honestly - just get a cleaner. They are used to "cleaning around stuff" (ours does, anyway) and once you're a bit more mobile set about sorting out the papers. You sound a bit like my MIL tbh (but with added dogs!) She's not a hoarder, but has loads and loads of papers etc that she never gets round to sorting and as she gets older it doesn't get easier!

Clear sign there is something wrong in your house - HCP goes to wash their hands in your bathroom and decides to use their own wipes/hand sanitizer instead.

Means they don't want to touch your soap or towel after they have looked at it.

We were discussing COVID-19 in the office this week and we were all happy to wash our hands more often in people's houses but The Towel was a cause of distress on some visits.

You sound like you’re hoarding and desensitised to it, hire a team of cleaners that specialise in hoarding to sort the house and get a cleaner to keep on top of it.

And how much would that cost??

It's probably more realistic that the OP sets aside an hour or two per day, to de-clutter once she's recovered.

I think people who are used to being around dogs all the time become a bit blinded to the smell. Dog slobber is really unpleasant and unsanitary. Have you ever been in a cluttered cat house that has the smell of cat pee? Often I’ve found people in those houses can’t smell it either. But if you’re not used to it it’s grim.

@MrsGrindah You may think it's shit advice but it's correct- she can live how she wants to in her own home. If she doesn't want any help to clean it she doesn't have to accept any help!

The District Nurses may raise a safeguarding but all that will happen is a phone call or possibly a visit from SS asking if you want any help cleaning it up. You have the right to say no leave me alone!

And OP they are not saying it to be nasty..they just want you to be ok.

DH is a social worker.
He has paid a visit last week to a lady who is fysically doing fine but has MH issues and lives alone with her 4 cats in a very small apartment.
She has some MH issues and DH visited her because she gets benefits from the city that DH works for and there were some worries about her.
She seems to think she’s doing fine but DH says the whole house is filthy, cat hairs and empty boxes everywhere and smelling of cat poop.
She thinks she is doing fine but her clearly she isn’t coping. I’m not saying you’re the same OP but in many cases people think they do cope when they’re not doing well at all. And an outsider can see that usually better.

@TippledPink But you could say that about any situation. Lots of people choose to live unsafe lives but that doesn’t mean we should shrug our shoulders and say well it’s their choice.

You have the right to say no leave me alone

Yes, she does. But noone sees district nurses daily just for fun. She clearly needs medical intervention to keep her wounds clean and safe. Its all very well saying well- tell them to "leave you alone", what happens when they get infected or she gets sepsis? Its completely irresponsible to put more pressure on hospitals in this current climate. Its selfish.

Those pictures are really shocking, I couldn't imagine living with 2 let alone anything above that. There is barely any floor space and I don't understand why anyone would want to live like that. I know everyone is entitled to live how they want, but I don't understand it as wouldn't it just be more comfortable with all of the items put away? I'd go through it little by little, recycling and throwing out anything that is unnecessary. Surely you will feel better if you have a completely clear floor and space to walk about? What about getting throws for the sofas which can then be put in the washing machine? Might make it easier.

Op your rating of 4-5 isn't good, if you can't find time to sort it out to a 1-3 level you're not coping.