District nurse saying I’m not coping

[Slapin]

I live alone in a house I inherited. It’s a big Georgian Manor House with a long private driveway, surrounded by fields and tall hedges. I’m not houseproud at all but have a gardener who takes care of the outside so to keep it looking respectable. The inside I don’t care about. I work with dogs, I have 4 of my own and do boarding, dog walking, training classes etc so my house literally is a dog house. It’s a mess basically but I’m happy with that.

I have to have daily district nurse at the minute and first visit was Monday. When she came in she said she assumed she’d had the wrong address. Didn’t elaborate. I invited her to sit down while she did her paper work and she asked for the dogs to be kept in another room as they are big and scary (fair enough). She then opened up a little pack thing and put a blue sheet of paper on the couch before she sat on it!!
Second day different nurse came and let it slip that the system had a warning on it about the large dogs. She then started asking questions regarding support at home and whether I have a cleaner to help me. I said no and asked why I would have a cleaner when I’m normally independent, she said houses like this normally have a cleaner.
3rd day nurse turns up in a different uniform and said concerns had been raised about how I was coping. They keep asking probing questions and have mentioned safe guarding etc. I’m absolutely fine, normally independent, normally working 7 days a week!!

AIBU to think this is out of order?? They’re making me paranoid.

Sounds like they could be most helpful if they were open with you about the specifics of their hazard/hygiene concerns, then you could take specific action, rather than being left to second guess and worry

Your house probably stinks OP. The first nurse probably put the sheet down before she sat because she was frightened of what she might sit on.

I can’t get a cleaner because I need to sort the papers out first but I never get time. Plus what’s the point, cleaner runs through the house and the dogs follow making a mess.

I’ve always been really happy here and now I’m paranoid and fed up. I don’t normally have people coming around other than “dog people”

If you have a gardener to keep the outside respectable, you must see that not cleaning up dog hairs and slobber and having big scary dogs roaming around you post-op is beyond messy and likely hazardous. You've likely lost some perspective too from living that way - like that saying about the zookeepers getting used to the monkey cage. If they won't even sit down without a covering, it must be pretty grim and you probably do need to get some help in for a deep clean and then to keep it to a respectable standard like the outside.

It honestly sounds fine to me. Hoovering every couple of days and washing the hall floor daily do not sound like evidence of a filthy house to me. It might be messier than the average MNer would tolerate but it hardly sounds like you’re hoarding or living in filth.

The nurses will be taking a ‘Better safe than sorry’ approach and this are making enquiries to check you are genuinely ok. If you reassure them that you are fine and that you simply don’t mind the house being a mess, it shouldn’t require anything further from them.

She’s due again at lunch time so I’ll speak to her about what the concerns actually are.

Which would be most similar to the way you live?

I'll be honest District Nurses will have seen all sorts of houses and all sorts of filth, hoarding and dogs. They have seen in everyone's house from all cultures, and from the richest to the poorest. If they think your's stands out, I'm afraid it probably does.

It is normal to put warnings on notes about dogs (sometimes it might just say 'friendly dog' for example) and some staff are more dog tolerant than others but it sounds like yours are at the level most would want them shut away.

I've also visited a vast array of people's homes in my role in community health and it is incredibly rare for someone not to be prepared to sit down on a surface. So I suspect yours is worse than you think it is.

And yes people do get referred to safeguarding if things are so cluttered it is unsafe for them to mobilise.

Is it worse than normal because you are post-op?

There’s a point to cleaning, if it gets dirty again so be it but everything needs to be cleaned.

Everything our cat slept on was washable, if he put mud on the floor I went over it with a spray mop. I have 3 4.5 tog duvets in one cover so I can wash the duvets monthly at home.

Clutter scale pictures I’d say between 4-5

The dogs are friendly, just big. (Irish wolfhounds)

The problem is it sounds worse than you think it is.

Of course you have time to tidy up.

No one is that busy they cant find 15-30 mins a day to do bits.

You could have been, in preparation for your operation (or just to keep the house tidy) sorted one pile of papers a day.

Not a chance are you busy all working hours.

Op you are in denial. They have a right to be concerned.

"I can’t get a cleaner because I need to sort the papers out first but I never get time."

This makes me wonder how thorough your cleaning routine has been - if you're just selectively hoovering up around all this stuff that has needed sorting out for a long time, when did it really get a proper clean? Months ago? Years? It does sound from the scale of the place - so much space to manage the upkeep of and by your own admission no time to do it - that you might be overwhelmed and not coping, hence just doing the bare minimum, which may not be enough with animals in the mix.

Do you have a wound? They will be concerned for your health if there is an increased risk of infection.

You mention floor washing and hoovering but are you actually doing this now after your operation? So maybe it is, in fact, much worse than usual and you are simply used to it? Most people get used to houses that smell strongly.

Ask and take on board the answers.

I'm sorry OP but if three separate nurses think there is a problem then I think you're in denial about how bad it is.

There's obviously not a lot you ca do about it now when you're immobile, but recognising that things need improvement will go a long way.

As someone who has worked on the district nursing service it takes a lot to make me think twice about how someone lives.

I can only remember 3 houses where I was uncomfortable sitting down in and would put down something to protect my uniform.

While it's your house and your choice they have a duty of care to ask the questions they do about your living environment.

Locking the dogs in a different room is for their safety and not a reflection on your dogs or their size. Even the smallest and happiest dogs can become violent if they think their owner is being hurt. They will consider them a hazard.

Do you really mop the floors every day?

How many dogs were there in the house when the visitors came?

They have a right to record a concern about several large dogs being a potential risk and asking for them to be shut away during the visit.

If you have capacity (and you clearly do) then a messy house is absolutely none of their business. It’s your choice. Ask them about their understanding of the Mental Capacity Act 2005 and your abs right to make choices others might consider unwise.
If you want trip hazards that is entirely up to you.
If you want to hoard lots of paper that is up to you.
Only if it becomes a pubic health concern such, as rat infestation, can they require you to make changes.

The thing is that if you are currently immobile, presumably you are not doing the cleaning you normally do. I'd imagine with that many dogs, it would get pretty grim pretty quickly. Maybe you need to accept that right now you do need some help. Hopefully soon you will back to your usual level of independence, and there won't be an issue. You can carry on living however you choose from then on.

Personally I like the sound of your house OP and you are entitled to live how you want ig you have the mental capacity, which is not easy to take away. Put on your poshest disdainful voice and send them packing.

If the place she has to sit has dog hair over it she won't want that to go on her uniform as she's probably got lots of other people to see and won't want to transfer it to their houses.

I work with the same kind of client group as district nurses and in my experience there is a huge range of standards of how people choose to live - I have people in immaculate houses apologise for the mess and people in squalor who make no apologies for it. The thing the nurse will need to consider is the difference between you choosing to live in a standard most people would not and you not coping because of you health/disability. She's not trying to offend you, she's just making sure you're offered support - you don't have to accept any help if you don't want to.

Sounds awful and no wonder they are concerned.

Surely it's up to OP how often she cleans her house seen as she owns it. Surely it's also her choice if she let's the dogs use all her sofas and seats.

I too wouldn't want to sit on a sofa covered in dog slobber and hairs!!! I wouldn't want to be in a uniform, or even just trousers, then carry all the hairs to the next patient. Not only is it a risk for the hairs to fall off the trousers into someone elses wound, its unhygienic and looks unprofessional. Also, who is to say that the next patient may not have an allergy to dogs?

They are concerned about you and have a duty of care- they're not trying to interrogate you for the fun of it and to pass the time! Not only in terms of physical recovery, but also your mental health. In some cases, living in such conditions is a sign of depression, poverty or other issues. Many of which they can refer you to appropriate services to help with.

Obviously if you are of sound mind and have capacity to make your own decisions, then you can live as you like- but don't expect professionals don't delight in your home being overrun with large dogs, slobber, hairs and clutter!

Between 4 and 5?!? I think most people's are between 1 and 2