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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moh issued an ultimatum

182 replies

ayvasili · 27/02/2020 06:06

So, I'm getting married in two weeks to the love of my life, and I am so looking forward to it.
Wedding planning has been stressful as I live in the uk but we are getting married in the county we are from.
I just arrived this week to do the final dress fitting and finalize plans etc,and last night I met up with my moh for a few drinks. She told me that she feels she can no longer be part of the wedding because my father is flying in from Italy and she is afraid he will infect everyone with Coronavirus.
She has said that if he comes,she won't be attending the wedding.
Am I being unreasonable to choose to have my dad there instead of my best friend? Obviously if my dad had the slightest fear of infecting us all he would stay away, but he isn't near any of the places that have been shut down in quarantine. And now I have to find a new moh!!! So stressed.

OP posts:
orangejuicer · 27/02/2020 06:08

She's made her choice, leave her to it. You don't need a maid of honour to get married.

Original poster
ayvasili · 27/02/2020 06:09

Thanks-I'm just so hurt

OP posts:
SecretMillionaire · 27/02/2020 06:10

It’s not unreasonable for her to take precautions but she is very unreasonable to expect you to choose her to attend over your own father

Mumdiva99 · 27/02/2020 06:11

I can see her point (only because I live with a someone who's germ phobic) - but it's her choice. Wish her well, bare no ill feelings and have your dad there.

Redfromfragglerocksmum · 27/02/2020 06:11

I can understand why you would be disappointed but I don’t personally feel you should be hurt. Coronavirus seems to really be starting to take a grip and I would feel the same way as your MOH. It is bad timing but if that’s the way she feels there isn’t anything you can do unfortunately.

I hope you have a fantastic wedding day Wine

Barnowl25 · 27/02/2020 06:17

Could your dad wear on of these? Then you wouldn't have to choose and no one runs the risk of getting ill.

Moh issued an ultimatum
TalaxuArmiuna · 27/02/2020 06:19

it's sad she won't be there but each person has to make their own choices. if she comes with your dad there she would spend the whole time (irrationally) terrified every time he clears his throat so probably best for her to stay away.

you don't need a moh - but any good friend would be glad to step in so long as you can keep it low-pressure ie find an off-the-peg dress so that no extensive fittings and alterations are needed in the next 2 weeks.

don't stress about the little things. marriage it's about the next 70 years, not one day.

Original poster
ayvasili · 27/02/2020 06:19

Maybe we can make it part of the wedding party-we can all wear them??? Seriously though-thank you for making my lol at a time when my stress is reaching Olympic levels!

OP posts:
Original poster
ayvasili · 27/02/2020 06:20

Sorry that was a reply to @Barnowl25

OP posts:
Monty27 · 27/02/2020 06:27

@17Barnowl25 that made me laugh
OP get someone else to stand in. Due to her\his hysteria Confused

crosspelican · 27/02/2020 06:29

Gosh what an overreaction! That having been said, the virus is spreading faster in Italy than in many other places in Europe. Would your father consider making an early arrival here in the UK? Years ago during Swine Flu, we had organised a giant family holiday to bring together people from all over the world and when SF broke out we went a week early for fear that we would get sick here and be prevented from traveling (to Italy, as it happens).

In your father's shoes, I would be watching the news like a hawk and considering coming here this weekend before any lockdowns - or virus cases - reach where he is.

Monty27 · 27/02/2020 06:32

Yes he needs to get out of there Grin

Shoxfordian · 27/02/2020 06:39

She's being ridiculous
You don't want such a drama queen in your wedding anyway

Sgtmajormummy · 27/02/2020 06:39

Silly silly woman*.
I live in one of the areas where measures are in place and we’ve been informed of all the risks and precautions. Work, banks, shops etc. are all functioning as usual.
A wedding I’d been planning for a close friend with one low risk guest would not put me off.
Sounds like you need a new MoH.

  • Or maybe a hypochondriac, in which case, “Bless you!” Grin.
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 27/02/2020 06:44

I have sympathy with those who suffer real health anxiety and all the coronavirus stuff is getting to me a bit too but YANBU - your MOH is being too OTT here but trying to make sense of irrational behaviour is futile.

Was she very upset when she told you? Someone with genuine health anxiety feeling like they have to pull out of a major wedding role and risk a friendship with a friend would likely be very very upset indeed.

I think that’s the tell here.

Dozer · 27/02/2020 06:47

Clearly your dad is the priority, it’s unnecessary to have a “maid / matron of honour”. I would feel annoyed with the friend but assume she has issues at present worrying about Corona.

HeronLanyon · 27/02/2020 06:52

Omg - now we need ‘mohzilla’ - just when I thought I’d finally ‘got’ most mn slang.

Congrats op. Hope you and your dh both enjoy your dw.

Sgtmajormummy · 27/02/2020 07:08

Can I make a few points about Italy? I feel it’s getting a bad international rap for its excellent handling of the Coronavirus scenario.

  1. It stepped in early to counteract the spread, using its very efficient Protezione Civile military organization. The one that deals with earthquakes and subsequent health problems. It applied maximum protocol. They are now admitting they may have exaggerated and the measures will stop after a week.
  2. The government used the “full public disclosure” tactic in order to avoid panic, overcrowding of hospital facilities, prepping for disaster etc. We’re bombarded with reliable information.
AND it’s had the desired effect. AND other countries’ news services have been able to take this abundance of information to use in a less reliable way. Say no more.
  1. Condolences to their families, but the deaths in Italy “from CV” were all old and very ill people suffering from other serious issues. They also tested positive for CV and it was included as a cause of death. HEALTHY PEOPLE ARE NOT DROPPING LIKE FLIES FROM CV IN ITALY.
  1. Logically, since Italy intervened early it’s also bringing in statistics early. Another field day for the press.

Rant over. Maybe I should step away from Mumsnet.

Sgtmajormummy · 27/02/2020 07:12

OP, you could show that to your MoH. Congratulations and enjoy your day.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 27/02/2020 07:12

Which part of Italy is he flying from? The advice is that people traveling from a number of parts in Northern Italy should self isolate even if they do not have symptoms.

If your dad is traveling from one of those areas, she has a massive point.

londonrach · 27/02/2020 07:15

You dont need moh but do need your dad. Saying that with whats happening in italy your dad may not be able to travel so might be an idea for him to come sooner rather than later.

Fairenuff · 27/02/2020 07:19

When you say you 'just arrived this week', where did you arrive from?

ByeMF · 27/02/2020 07:23

As others have said, you don't need a MOH to get married but you definitely need your dad.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 27/02/2020 07:24

Don't beg her. Just say, I'm sorry you feel like that. See you after the wedding, I suppose.

She will most likely come round and decide she wants to be part of it anyway.

Have you another bridesmaid? If not, have your Dad sign the register as you witness.

Best wishes for your wedding. It'll be a lovely day.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 27/02/2020 07:27

@Fairenuff

When you say you 'just arrived this week', where did you arrive from?

Second sentence of OP:
I live in the uk but we are getting married in the county we are from.

She arrived in the country she is from, from the UK.