Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moh issued an ultimatum

182 replies

ayvasili · 27/02/2020 06:06

So, I'm getting married in two weeks to the love of my life, and I am so looking forward to it.
Wedding planning has been stressful as I live in the uk but we are getting married in the county we are from.
I just arrived this week to do the final dress fitting and finalize plans etc,and last night I met up with my moh for a few drinks. She told me that she feels she can no longer be part of the wedding because my father is flying in from Italy and she is afraid he will infect everyone with Coronavirus.
She has said that if he comes,she won't be attending the wedding.
Am I being unreasonable to choose to have my dad there instead of my best friend? Obviously if my dad had the slightest fear of infecting us all he would stay away, but he isn't near any of the places that have been shut down in quarantine. And now I have to find a new moh!!! So stressed.

OP posts:
Zilla1 · 22/06/2020 11:34

To be fair, based on the thinking of the time, for the MoH to just give an ultimatum to the bride that either it's a presumably key family member (OP didn't seem to sat was estranged from DF) or MoH did seem rude and badly handled. Even with hindsight, for a MoH to issue an ultimatum to a bride seems astonishingly rude.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/06/2020 11:37

"She has said that if he comes,she won't be attending the wedding."
Someone thinks she's more important than she is.

bridgetreilly · 22/06/2020 11:39

She has said that if he comes,she won't be attending the wedding.

See, I don't think that reads as an ultimatum at all. I wouldn't think that was her saying she thinks she's more important than the bride's father, just letting her friend know that given the health risks, this won't be possible for her to do.

Anyway, like everyone else, I would be fascinated to know how this all panned out.

x2boys · 22/06/2020 11:47

Agree ,fascinating thread in light of the past few months,Hindsight is a wonderful thing .

Kordelia · 22/06/2020 12:02

I didn't see this thread in February, or I would have posted that my friend in Italy was already talking about mayhem at the supermarket, all activities closed down for at least a week(!) and that Milan was a hot spot.

If the MoH was reading this too, I don't blame her for not wanting to attend. It wasn't an ultimatum if she was simply saying that if the father was coming from Italy she wouldn't take part. I realise that he probably didn't live near Milan, but even so, I don't blame her.

Original poster
ayvasili · 22/06/2020 12:16

Well, it certainly has been an interesting time!
My dad managed to make it to Cyprus :) he flew in on the 28th feb. at that point we still had no cases on the island. Cyprus was full of carnival fever and the whole country was in party mode!
Dad self isolated at home until the wedding and didn't show any symptoms.

Moh did not come and we are no longer on speaking terms.

We managed to hold the wedding on the 8th March,just two days before the first case of COVID-19 appeared on the island. 13th March things started closing-schools,malls,cinemas,restaurants and we went into lockdown.
My husband and I had planned to spend two weeks on the island seeing family after the wedding, and we ended up getting stuck here as the airports closed on 21st March.

Luckily my husbands (still very cool to say that!) work is on the computer so he is able to work from here, we are reluctant to fly back to the uk as the numbers here in Cyprus are so good and the numbers in the in are scary!
We have had 5 days with no new cases, marred only yesterday by one new case. I don't know what the future will bring but we are very lucky we managed to get married before the shit truly hit the fan.

OP posts:
SorrySadDog · 22/06/2020 12:18

@ayvasili

Well, it certainly has been an interesting time! My dad managed to make it to Cyprus :) he flew in on the 28th feb. at that point we still had no cases on the island. Cyprus was full of carnival fever and the whole country was in party mode! Dad self isolated at home until the wedding and didn't show any symptoms.

Moh did not come and we are no longer on speaking terms.

We managed to hold the wedding on the 8th March,just two days before the first case of COVID-19 appeared on the island. 13th March things started closing-schools,malls,cinemas,restaurants and we went into lockdown.
My husband and I had planned to spend two weeks on the island seeing family after the wedding, and we ended up getting stuck here as the airports closed on 21st March.

Luckily my husbands (still very cool to say that!) work is on the computer so he is able to work from here, we are reluctant to fly back to the uk as the numbers here in Cyprus are so good and the numbers in the in are scary!
We have had 5 days with no new cases, marred only yesterday by one new case. I don't know what the future will bring but we are very lucky we managed to get married before the shit truly hit the fan.

So you’re still there? How have you managed ie you have a property in the UK? Have you worn the same clothes day in day out (yes I am being that nosey because this is fascinating)
ineedaholidaynow · 22/06/2020 12:18

Congratulations, so glad you managed to get married before lockdown!

I am sorry about your friendship with MOH.

SorrySadDog · 22/06/2020 12:19

OH and congrats

Quarantimespringclean · 22/06/2020 12:24

I’m glad it went off well.
I hope you and the non-MOH resume your friendship one day. We now know she was right to be cautious so I hope the two of you will be able to put this behind you.

PenelopeParallelogram · 22/06/2020 12:27

Surely we can assume the OP is still putting her wedding dress on every morning?

Original poster
ayvasili · 22/06/2020 12:32

@SorrySadDog well we had clothes for two weeks, plus I have at least 20 cousins who are the same size as me :) I'm covered for clothes!
My sister in law lives next door and keeps an eye on the property in the uk-hubby has been working remotely throughout, and we pay all our bills online so all good there too :)

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 22/06/2020 12:37

Thanks for the update, it would be lovely if you and moh could make it up though x

Smallsteps88 · 22/06/2020 12:37

What about your job OP? You’ve been away for 4 months!

Original poster
ayvasili · 22/06/2020 12:38

@Quarantimespringclean I think that friendship is dead-it was never about her fear or her worries (which don't seem absurd and hysterical now) but more her demanding that my father not come to the wedding. It was all about her and just made me realize that she was jealous of my happiness. I wish her all the best but will never trust her again

OP posts:
SummerDayWinterEvenings · 22/06/2020 12:39

[quote dimotikopp]@SorrySadDog well we had clothes for two weeks, plus I have at least 20 cousins who are the same size as me :) I'm covered for clothes!
My sister in law lives next door and keeps an eye on the property in the uk-hubby has been working remotely throughout, and we pay all our bills online so all good there too :)
[/quote]
Are you the original poster?

Original poster
ayvasili · 22/06/2020 12:41

I am the original poster-name change fail

OP posts:
dimotikopp · 22/06/2020 12:43

@smallsteps I stopped working when I got married

icedaisy · 22/06/2020 12:50

Funny reading this now. Some of the original comments, total over reaction. Ridiculous. Who would have thought where we would be a few weeks later. Hindsight eh.

Smallsteps88 · 22/06/2020 12:58

I stopped working when I got married

Why?? Confused

nettie434 · 22/06/2020 13:00

Glad you updated dimotikopp, ayvasili. Sounds as if you have had a good first few months of marriage, even though it is not what you planned.

Even if the MOH was right to be worried about your father flying from Italy, it was wrong to sat it up as an either/or situation. She should have explained why she was worried and asked you to excuse her for dropping out at the last minute.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/06/2020 13:04

Seems like you caught a lucky break getting out of the UK when you did, in fairness!
Shame your MOH was being a dick about your dad - did she not like him, or something?

Anyway - congratulations on your marriage and hopefully the whole situation will calm down and allow you back to the UK before too much longer (albeit with a probably 14day quarantine period when you get there)

Alsohuman · 22/06/2020 13:16

@Smallsteps88

I stopped working when I got married

Why?? Confused

Why not?

I love a happy ending. So pleased you got married as planned.

Smallsteps88 · 22/06/2020 13:20

Why not?

Because you’re then totally reliant on another person for every single penny?

Because your pension stops building?

Because you take yourself out of the workplace and leave yourself less and less employable as time goes on?

I’m interested in knowing why OP would do all that to herself simply because she has gotten married? Do husbands take a lot of looking after?

Megatron · 22/06/2020 13:23

@PlaygroundReviews Isn't it. All the 'she'd be dead to me' and 'she's been ridiculous' on the thread - she doesn't sound so silly now.

I will be honest and say that when all the Covid19 threads started I thought 'what a load of nonsense, such an overreaction' but God I was wrong.

I hope they made up too.

Swipe left for the next trending thread