Moh issued an ultimatum

[ayvasili]

So, I'm getting married in two weeks to the love of my life, and I am so looking forward to it.
Wedding planning has been stressful as I live in the uk but we are getting married in the county we are from.
I just arrived this week to do the final dress fitting and finalize plans etc,and last night I met up with my moh for a few drinks. She told me that she feels she can no longer be part of the wedding because my father is flying in from Italy and she is afraid he will infect everyone with Coronavirus.
She has said that if he comes,she won't be attending the wedding.
Am I being unreasonable to choose to have my dad there instead of my best friend? Obviously if my dad had the slightest fear of infecting us all he would stay away, but he isn't near any of the places that have been shut down in quarantine. And now I have to find a new moh!!! So stressed.

Oh I didn't see your updates OP!

Congratulations on the wedding. What a shame that you and your ex moh are no longer talking you must have been very close before.

[quote Megatron]@PlaygroundReviews Isn't it. All the 'she'd be dead to me' and 'she's been ridiculous' on the thread - she doesn't sound so silly now.

I will be honest and say that when all the Covid19 threads started I thought 'what a load of nonsense, such an overreaction' but God I was wrong.

I hope they made up too.[/quote]
OP said upthread that she and the MOH isn't on speaking terms.

Crosspost :)

I thought married couples were a team who shared money. Perhaps her husband’s making pension payments for her. Maybe she’s sick of being a wage slave and would rather do other things with her time.

This thread is going to totally derail now ...

I thought married couples were a team who shared money.

Nothing is permanent. I know which one of the team I’d prefer to be when things started to go wrong.

Perhaps her husband’s making pension payments for her. Maybe she’s sick of being a wage slave and would rather do other things with her time.

Perhaps. Or perhaps another reason. That’s what I’m asking. From the OP.

It is unusual enough for a woman in the 21st century to stop work straight after getting married for it to be worthy of comment.
Unless you're pregnant at the wedding possibly

WHy should the OP open herself up to the criticism of randoms on the internet over a completely unrelated personal choice that doesn't affect anyone but her?

You don’t need a Matron of Honour, so just do without one. Another family member can witness the signing of the register if that was to be her function.

I get why she feels cautious but I think she has been rude and offensive to you and I get why you are offended. I believe I would be too.

You have to choose your Dad, I think. Ask him to come and witness the register signing? I assume he would probably like that honour.

Topseyt

The thread was started in February and has been updated by the OP.

Read the thread - the wedding happened, her Dad was able to go, but sadly she is no longer friends with the would have been MoH.

Why should the OP open herself up to the criticism of randoms on the internet over a completely unrelated personal choice that doesn't affect anyone but her?

OP doesn’t have to do anything. I was curious why a woman would make that choice, so I asked. She doesn’t have to answer. I certainly wasn’t asking to criticise.

The wedding has happened already, Topseyt

Why not?Because you’re then totally reliant on another person for every single penny? Because your pension stops building?Because you take yourself out of the workplace and leave yourself less and less employable as time goes on? I’m interested in knowing why OP would do all that to herself simply because she has gotten married?

Do husbands take a lot of looking after?

I'm glad you weren't asking to criticise.

That comment was a direct response to a poster asking “why not”.

Yes, to another poster about the OP's choice to stop working.

I am aghast that you weren't aware of the risks of spreading CoronaVirus at the time that all this happened.

Very hard to blame your MOH for having views on guests from Italy at that point.

I remember very clearly those 2 weeks. She mat well have been making it all about her, but you were also a bit bridezilla to blame your best friend for having concerns at that point.

But what is done is done. It is sad that the casualties of COVID are not all health-based.

@TickleMeElbow

Yes, to another poster about the OP's choice to stop working.

Yes, in response to your criticism of OP for not working.

I know several women who gave up their jobs after marriage and it was because they had been trying to for a baby and struggling. Time taken off from stressful jobs and to prepare for medical/ adoptive issues.

Such a weirdly personal question to ask. And quite patronising as well. As though they OP was maybe unaware that married women could have jobs and just needed some minor intervention from a random on the internet.

@TickleMeElbow

Yes, to another poster about the OP's choice to stop working.

Not sure what your point is. Someone asked me why would a woman not give up work when she got married and I gave her some valid reasons. Those aren’t criticisms. They’re valid reasons not to give up your independent source of income when you marry.

Glad to see your update OP. Congratulations.

Yes, in response to your criticism of OP for not working.

No actually. I said “why?? ”

That’s not criticism.

This thread aged well didn't it?!

I'm curious why the OP's ex friend was so against being at the same wedding as OP's dad. I wonder what her reasons were? It's odd that she felt so strongly, what has happened in the past for her to be so set against being there if he was? It seems unlikely this was all about her being 'jealous' of the op's happiness, tbh.

yer what?

So pleased for you OP that you managed to get married before any lockdown!