Husband called me a d*ck

[TeenyQueen]

I am currently super tired, love being at home with DD but she's going through a sleep regression and growth spurt so my sleep is very broken and I find it very hard to nap during the day. On top of this I had to take DD on a full day trip to attend an important appointment in London on Friday, so I spent the whole day travelling with her on my own. DH was away for work for 2 days so I was still on my own with her the day after our long and exhausting day trip. So basically I was really tired this weekend.

Dh wanted to go food shopping yesterday and whilst we were there I was pushing the trolley (and DD) and DH asked me to go get something from the other side of the shop. Since I was pushing the trolley and looking after DD I said he should get it himself. He got cranky and said he was going to make dinner and I wouldn't get any if I didn't get him this thing, I said fine. I unloaded, packed and paid for all the shopping and carried it to the car. Later on we end up having an argument and DH said that I was being a dick and that I was a dick. We have a daughter so I was very upset and pointed out that it was inappropriate to call me names in front of our child. I also asked him if he thought it would be right for a boyfriend or husband to call our daughter a dick when she's older.

He later on said I wouldn't get any of the dinner he'd cooked unless I apologised to him.

Eventually he said he wanted to move on from this but I'm still upset that he'd speak to me that way, and being petty by saying I shouldn't have dinner. I think he feels bad about it now but he's very bad at admitting when he's in the wrong, or was I being BU?

You are making a mountain out of a molehill

Try and have a nap

Being called a dick isn't a massive deal but saying he's not going to let you eat unless you pick up a food item is madness, unless he has no arms and can't pick it up himself, I don't get why he couldn't go to the aisle himself.

Why couldn't you just get whatever it was?

Seems like a mountain out of a molehill.

He sounds horrible and I'd just order a takeaway for myself if I were you

I think both tired and stressed and being petty. Forget and move on.

I'm in your position atm, feel like I do a lot of the childcare and that I'm more tired than dh (I probably am!) and get very defensive atm. you're not unreasonable for feeling pissed off that he called you a name and said you weren't getting dinner (I actually find that a bit demeaning and very childish on his behalf) but I wouldnt dwell on it too much. It's probably more the fact, as it is with me, that you've been sole childcare provider and feel it takes the piss that on top of that your partner has been rude to you. I totally get that but try get him to keep an eye on dd whilst you catch up on some sleep, you'll feel better x

Having a small argument isn’t a big deal. But making you do things at all (let alone on pain of not feeding you) indicates he might enjoy controlling you. Does that come across in other areas?

Saying you weren't allowed to eat what he cooked is a much bigger issue than being called a duck imo.

*dick

new phone doesn't swear yet

Why couldn't you just get whatever it was?

Because she's not his skivvy.

OP, your H is the dick. He is speaking to you as if you are a child, telling you to fetch stuff and saying you won't get any dinner if you don't.

Is he normally controlling?

Sounds like your both racing to the bottom.
Both tired. Both stressed and neither acknowledging the other.

The food thing is wrong. I'd tell him to shove his meal up his arse and make your own.

But you both need to communicate better.
It was a dick move not to grab the food during the shop.

How is OP making a mountain out of a molehill? She was looking after Dd and pushing the trolley and he expected her to troop over to another aisle to get one item, what was he doing in all of this?

To threaten you with getting no dinner and callong you a dick because you 'disobeyed him' is bloody awful OP. Bullying behaviour. Is he usually a controlling bully? He sounds horrible.

If your DH was in the shop himself, he was a dick not to get that thing himself
Unless you were standing right in front of the aisle, why should it be up to you to trek to the other side of the shop, he can walk too can't he?
What was his excuse for not getting it himself?

refusing to allow you to have diner until you apologise is beyond being a dick. You are both adults, he can't treat you like a 5 year old.

Calling you a "dick" in a argument in itself is not a massive deal, but his entitled and patronising behaviour really is. wouldn't tolerate it frankly.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill

Typical shitty AIBU replies.

I advise you to get this moved to Relationships for more sensible and supportive advice.

He called you a dick and demands that you apologise. And threatens not to give you any of the dinner he's cooking.

This is a red flag for emotional abuse. See if he does (m)any of the others:
liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse

I think the comments about being controlling are seriously over the top btw

Yeah could have predicted that

Thing is DH isn't at all tired, we sleep in separate rooms because I breastfeed DD so DH gets a full night's sleep every night whilst I'm up with DD. The argument we had was about him not appreciating how much I actually do for our family, including making sure that DH has a good sleep every night.

I didn't get him the thing because I was already pushing the trolley, I was tired and as someone said I'm not his staff so I can decline to do things if I don't feel like doing them, plus he was perfectly able to get it himself.

How old is your DD?
Are you planning to go back to work?
Some financial independence would be a good thing.

I didn't get him the thing because I was already pushing the trolley, I was tired and as someone said I'm not his staff so I can decline to do things if I don't feel like doing them, plus he was perfectly able to get it himself.

Why didn't he get it himself? What did he say?
I'ts not making any sense at all. (he is not making any sense I mean)

He sounds like a dick that wants you to run around after him.

Do you ever get a chance to sleep through the night?

I can’t understand why so many people are saying you should have just gone to get the thing in the supermarket. Obviously he should have got it since he didn’t have a child to look after or a trolley and you were knackered. But, more importantly, why didnt you just stay at home while he went food shopping if you were so tired? It’s hardly a two person job.

He is massively unreasonable for threatening not to let you eat. He sounds like a man child.

I'm all for respect in relationships but I don't know any couples who have had a child not get into a petty situation over something silly especially when exhausted and one party feels taken advantage of (usually the sole child carer). fair enough in an ideal world noone should be called names but being called a dick wouldnt be a deal breaker for me personally. the you arent having any dinner cos its mine ner ner ner sounds childish to me as opposed to controlling. but only you know your relationship and would know the undertones.

If my partner called me a dick and said that, I would know he was being a brat and would probably call him a dick back and tell him to shove his dinner cos I could make myself a better one anyway (giving an example of a petty argument as opposed to him being controlling)

Well I think he sounds awful...especially the part where he said you couldn't eat any of the food he made. What a nasty petty man.

Poor you op...one of my dc has had many medical appointments and as I'm a sahm and dh works I usually take her by myself and they're usually in central London. It's absolutely exhausting.