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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband called me a d*ck

216 replies

TeenyQueen · 24/02/2020 08:56

I am currently super tired, love being at home with DD but she's going through a sleep regression and growth spurt so my sleep is very broken and I find it very hard to nap during the day. On top of this I had to take DD on a full day trip to attend an important appointment in London on Friday, so I spent the whole day travelling with her on my own. DH was away for work for 2 days so I was still on my own with her the day after our long and exhausting day trip. So basically I was really tired this weekend.

Dh wanted to go food shopping yesterday and whilst we were there I was pushing the trolley (and DD) and DH asked me to go get something from the other side of the shop. Since I was pushing the trolley and looking after DD I said he should get it himself. He got cranky and said he was going to make dinner and I wouldn't get any if I didn't get him this thing, I said fine. I unloaded, packed and paid for all the shopping and carried it to the car. Later on we end up having an argument and DH said that I was being a dick and that I was a dick. We have a daughter so I was very upset and pointed out that it was inappropriate to call me names in front of our child. I also asked him if he thought it would be right for a boyfriend or husband to call our daughter a dick when she's older.

He later on said I wouldn't get any of the dinner he'd cooked unless I apologised to him.

Eventually he said he wanted to move on from this but I'm still upset that he'd speak to me that way, and being petty by saying I shouldn't have dinner. I think he feels bad about it now but he's very bad at admitting when he's in the wrong, or was I being BU?

OP posts:
Daftodil · 24/02/2020 21:51

"Obey me or go without food"? What a prick. Especially when you've been sole carer for your daughter for that past 48hrs. To follow that up with "apologise or go without food" is very controlling/demeaning and more in line with how you would speak to a child rather than your partner.

What exactly did he want you to apologise for? For not immediately obeying him? For suggesting he fetch his own item? For challenging him on the name calling in front of your daughter? He sounds like a tosser based on this post.

Going forward, I think you'd benefit from online shopping or click-and-collect if these circumstances were to recur. Or at the very least, one person goes shopping and the other looks after DD. All going together to the supermarket when all three of you were tired benefits nobody.

He should apologise for calling you a name, especially in front of your daughter, and I think you were totally right to call him out on it.

SnoozyLou · 24/02/2020 23:06

Calling you a dick is one thing (although I wouldn't appreciate that in front of your child either). Treating you like some sort of skivvy, telling you you can't have any dinner, then saying he just wants to move on from this as if he's done nothing wrong...?

Yeah. He's a dick, OP. I too would have told him what to do with his dinner and ordered a delivery.

Glitteryone · 24/02/2020 23:43

You sounds like hard work OP

MadameMeursault · 24/02/2020 23:54

I can’t believe all the people on here saying you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. There was a dick in this scenario and it sure as hell wasn't you. Your DH sounds controlling OP. Threatening to deprive you of food if you don’t obey him is not normal.

CoupeCourte · 24/02/2020 23:59

"I think he feels bad about it now but he's very bad at admitting when he's in the wrong" what a childish little man. Bosses you around, tantrums when you won't do what you're told and insults you and withholds food, and doesn't have the maturity to apologise even when he knows he's done something wrong. How pathetic.

Shamazing · 25/02/2020 07:37

Yes looking after a sleep regressed baby is annoying but it's hardly the end of the world .. I did it with 2 under 5s before we stopped and swapped roles. Tiring but not the same as being at work all day.

Well done you, you are amazing. So did I (one with a disability - go me).

However, I can still see that my own circumstances bear no relation to anyone else's and that others may find things more difficult for a multitude of reasons that we may not be aware of.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 25/02/2020 08:40

However, I can still see that my own circumstances bear no relation to anyone else's and that others may find things more difficult for a multitude of reasons that we may not be aware of.

Which could equally be applied to the husband couldn't it? Yet posters have decided that he's living the life of Riley and should absolutely be doing the shopping at the weekend despite working long hours during the week and then doing admin at home on the weekends. Maybe he too is knackered and about to drop from never having a day off? At least the op is at home and so can have a nap when the baby does. She's said in other posts that they have a cleaner 2 days a week so she doesn't have to worry about cleaning once the baby's asleep.

longwayoff · 25/02/2020 09:02

Hearhooves, you're over-invested in this trivia. Day 3?

MaxNormal · 25/02/2020 09:04

You sounds like hard work OP

What an original post Hmm

IntermittentParps · 25/02/2020 11:33

what a childish little man. Bosses you around, tantrums when you won't do what you're told and insults you and withholds food, and doesn't have the maturity to apologise even when he knows he's done something wrong. How pathetic.
Hear hear. Voice of reason. Thank God for sensible people!

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 25/02/2020 15:25

longwayoff

And?

Shamazing · 25/02/2020 16:56

Which could equally be applied to the husband couldn't it?

Well yes @Hearhoovesthinkzebras , obviously. I haven't 'decided' that the OPs husband is living the life of Riley as you put it. I didn't mentioned the husband at all. I thought it was clear that I was responding to the particular comment that I highlighted in my post. That's why I highlighted it.

Hannsmum · 25/02/2020 17:23

YANBU

He should get a grip.calling you a dick is something you can easily let go because lets assume you are both stressed or he was just being and a...

But telling you you are not having dinner? He might as well throw you out one day after a minor disagreement 🙄

Hannsmum · 25/02/2020 17:26

Im still trying to understand why some are calling OP petty for not getting it😳

Obviously she had a trolley so why couldn't he get it, unless his hands were full???

And even then, hes the one that wanted stuff

Noconceptofnormal · 25/02/2020 17:43

Yanbu, calling you things like a dick is the start of the rot on a relationship as it shows a basic level of respect has gone.

My own marriage is probably beyond repair, but things really started going downhill was when he started calling me a dick and so on, basically talking to me in a way that he wouldn't talk to friends / colleagues / other family.

And the withholding food thing is just horrible too, when he knows you're sleep deprived.

In my own experience, this hasn't got any better, may be you can still turn things around but I would make it clear you're not going to accept being spoken to like that.

disneybee · 27/02/2020 00:21

Ugh he is the one being a dick. Sounds like me and my husband though 🙄 Sleep deprivation is a horrible, horrible thing. Made worse by the unfairness of the mums often being more sleep deprived than the dads.

Having babies seems to make Mum's grow up, yet so many Dads stay in their man-child zone Angry

No advice for you - just to say I feel your pain and irritation. Stay strong. You are doing great! X

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