Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband called me a d*ck

216 replies

TeenyQueen · 24/02/2020 08:56

I am currently super tired, love being at home with DD but she's going through a sleep regression and growth spurt so my sleep is very broken and I find it very hard to nap during the day. On top of this I had to take DD on a full day trip to attend an important appointment in London on Friday, so I spent the whole day travelling with her on my own. DH was away for work for 2 days so I was still on my own with her the day after our long and exhausting day trip. So basically I was really tired this weekend.

Dh wanted to go food shopping yesterday and whilst we were there I was pushing the trolley (and DD) and DH asked me to go get something from the other side of the shop. Since I was pushing the trolley and looking after DD I said he should get it himself. He got cranky and said he was going to make dinner and I wouldn't get any if I didn't get him this thing, I said fine. I unloaded, packed and paid for all the shopping and carried it to the car. Later on we end up having an argument and DH said that I was being a dick and that I was a dick. We have a daughter so I was very upset and pointed out that it was inappropriate to call me names in front of our child. I also asked him if he thought it would be right for a boyfriend or husband to call our daughter a dick when she's older.

He later on said I wouldn't get any of the dinner he'd cooked unless I apologised to him.

Eventually he said he wanted to move on from this but I'm still upset that he'd speak to me that way, and being petty by saying I shouldn't have dinner. I think he feels bad about it now but he's very bad at admitting when he's in the wrong, or was I being BU?

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 24/02/2020 10:18

He sounds mean. Is he always like this? Flowers

HillAreas · 24/02/2020 10:23

What exactly was the point of his presence on this shopping trip if you had to do everything on your own anyway? Then he think he can issue orders with a bit of blackmail and a strop on the side on too? How mortified he must be with his pathetic little self.
Taken as a whole, given the circumstances, I’d say you would be justified in handing his arse to him to be honest. It’s not about the item at the other side of the shop, it’s about his lack of respect or care for you.
He was a shithead and owes you an apology.

Hepsibar · 24/02/2020 10:28

Food and household shops are hell when you are tired. When my children were little and I was sleep deprived, whether I made a list or not, I would often forget things and have to go back and occasionally Id leave my purse on top of my car or my card in the paying machine ... been lucky there are so many honest people in the world.

I remember one day coming back from a dog walk and children asleep in car and knew if I moved them theyd be awake, so parked in the shade under the cherry tree and opening the windows, and doors lock we (including the dog in the boot) all slept in the car for 3/4 of an hour ... it was heaven.

JRUIN · 24/02/2020 10:36

Haha I would not be offended by being called a dick, but that's probably because that is the kind of word I'd use as almost a term of endearment. I would get pissed off with him threatening me with no dinner though, and would tell him where to stick his food and order myself his favourite takeaway.

Hypergear · 24/02/2020 10:47

Sounds like you were being awkward because you were tired, cutting your nose off to spite your face regarding supermarket. He wasn't asking you to go to the shop, he was asking you to get something from shop you were in. You've made a bit deal out of nothing.

Lifeisabeach09 · 24/02/2020 10:53

He wasn't asking you to go to the shop, he was asking you to get something from shop you were in.

He was in the shop with her. Why couldn't he fetch the item he wanted? From what I read, OP was pushing the trolley and looking after baby.

Patchworkpatty · 24/02/2020 10:54

OMG OP this sooooooo ABUSIVE !!! You should immediately pack his bags and tell him to move out. He asked you to get something from the other side of the supermarket when you had already had TWO days with your only child ?... My god THAT IS SO CONTROLLING.

Don't let the grass grow, as soon as you can, get yourself down or the solicitors and file for divorce. Then spend the rest of the day 'getting your ducks in a row' (love this platitude, makes me imagine a woman with 6 white Aylesbury ducks in her sitting room shouting at them to stand up straight like soldiers on parade... whilst becoming ever more demented by their chaotic unruly behaviour) ...

OTOH you could just accept that (contrary to the perfect world of MN) people in LTR often irritate and bicker with each other, that it's perfectly normal and really, you just need to get over yourself.

luckylavender · 24/02/2020 10:56

You both sound tired, precious & petty. Even coming on here & typing it all out shows it.

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 24/02/2020 10:59

Being called a dick wouldn't bother me in itself but he sounds like a cunt in general.

Lllot5 · 24/02/2020 11:04

@Patchworkpatty
Couldn’t have put it better myself. Talk about a drama.

EmeraldShamrock · 24/02/2020 11:05

Yanbu OP. The name calling is not good. You are doing so much and he is expecting more, he has legs.
It is probably petty to some but the icing on the cake for you. Can he take the baby in the evenings, is he doing his share of childcare before feeding? If not I'd be angry too.

MadamShazam · 24/02/2020 11:09

Your husband is being the king of dicks.

SmallChickBilly · 24/02/2020 11:17

Sounds like you were being awkward because you were tired, cutting your nose off to spite your face regarding supermarket. He wasn't asking you to go to the shop, he was asking you to get something from shop you were in. You've made a bit deal out of nothing.

How is the OP not getting he item her 'making a big deal out of it', but her husband not getting the item, telling the OP he wouldn't make any food for her and calling her names perfectly reasonable?

LannieDuck · 24/02/2020 11:25

Those saying mountain out of molehill..

Yes - hers was the molehill (saying 'no' to being asked to get something he could easily have gotten himself), and his was the mountain (calling her names, demanding an apology and refusing to cook food for her).

Bear in mind she's sleep deprived and he should be helping, not making her life harder.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 24/02/2020 11:30

I don’t understand all the “why didn’t you just trot off and get the item like a good girl” comments?

The DH was right there in the shop, presumably with his fully operational legs and arms. There was nothing stopping him going to get it himself.

Sometimes when these threads go so badly, I wonder if the OP has put too much detail in their post. The info about travelling alone to London isn’t particularly relevant but does underline that you OP may be even more tired than before. What it does do though, is send posters down a rabbit hole about how a grown woman should be able to cope with a journey etc etc.

As i read it, the main issue is that the DH behaved horribly and is belittling you and taking you for granted.

SafferUpNorth · 24/02/2020 11:33

W the actual F?? Am I reading this right?

YOU'RE pushing the trolley (with child inside)... then he wants YOU to leg it to the other end of the store to get something he wants? Why doesn't he just get it - did he leave his legs at home? Then you packed the shopping and loaded the car... what was he doing?

He calls you names and makes you grovel with an apology to get your dinner... and all this knowing you're feeling tired and that you've spent days parenting your child alone?

Of course YANBU. He's the dick here. Bet this latest spat is part of a bigger picture.

BTW I never get it why some couples go food shopping together and take their kids... much easier and faster for one person to shop while the other minds the kids.

NearlyGranny · 24/02/2020 11:33

He owes you the apology three ways: first for demanding you do more than your share of domestic heavy lifting; second for the name calling and third for the vindictive and controlling threat that of withholding a meal he was cooking from you, the exhausted, sleep-deprived breastfeeding mother of his child.

You don't even have a dick, so I suggest he is projecting and should actually call that name to the person he sees in the mirror.

damnthatanxiety · 24/02/2020 11:59

I'm struggling to understand what his contribution to the shopping trip was. You pushed the trolley, looked after DC, ran around the shop doing the collecting things, unpacked and repacked at the till, paid and carried it to the car. What was he actually doing OP??? And seriously, telling you that you wouldn't get any food unless you apologised??? What is he, 8? Sounds horrendous. Beyond a man-child. More like a man-infant.

Luckyonetwo · 24/02/2020 11:59

Patchworkpatty

OMG OP this sooooooo ABUSIVE !!! You should immediately pack his bags and tell him to move out. He asked you to get something from the other side of the supermarket when you had already had TWO days with your only child ?... My god THAT IS SO CONTROLLING.

Don't let the grass grow, as soon as you can, get yourself down or the solicitors and file for divorce. Then spend the rest of the day 'getting your ducks in a row' (love this platitude, makes me imagine a woman with 6 white Aylesbury ducks in her sitting room shouting at them to stand up straight like soldiers on parade... whilst becoming ever more demented by their chaotic unruly behaviour) ...

OTOH you could just accept that (contrary to the perfect world of MN) people in LTR often irritate and bicker with each other, that it's perfectly normal and really, you just need to get over yourself.

Couldn't have put it better myself Patch.. 🤣🤣

Patchworkpatty · 24/02/2020 12:20

The other alternative of course is to ...

LTB !!

Because bringing up a child alone, having to go to work because DH isn't paying the bills anymore and shuttling you're child between houses for the next 15 years is so much easier.

Personally , If I had been away on business for 2 days, worked full time and my husband was a sahp - I would be mightily pissed off that he had done the bloody shopping on any other day when I was at work... and if sod some reason this is 'too exhausting' ... I would have done an online shop.

It all sounds a bit precious. I will save my sympathy for a mother of three, working full time and struggling on their own. Now THATS exhausting.

flower1994 · 24/02/2020 12:22

wouldnt go as nasty as some are saying "to get over yourself" because I know how it is to be that tired and feel like your other half is getting the better deal and you're being taken for granted, that's what I think the overall issue is as opposed to the word 'dick' although of course it's still not nice to be called any names

GothamProtector · 24/02/2020 12:26

I agree with you @Patchworkpatty

timeforawine · 24/02/2020 12:31

He was a dick, he was perfectly capable and child free to go and get what he needed himself, and to threaten you without dinner is petty and out of order.

HillAreas · 24/02/2020 12:34

If any of the dickhead apologists have a valid reason why the DH in question couldn’t get the item himself instead of throwing a tantrum and leaving OP to do everything else, I’d like to hear it?
Feel like I must be stupidly missing something that is obvious to others Confused

PawPawNoodle · 24/02/2020 12:35

I unloaded, packed and paid for all the shopping and carried it to the car

Sounds very martyred of you. You should have just pushed the shopping in the trolley to the car, no need to carry it. 🤷‍♀️

Your argument sounds petty and unnecessary. Both of you are dicks (probably because you're tired and he's stressed out, who knows). Next time do an online shop.