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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband called me a d*ck

216 replies

TeenyQueen · 24/02/2020 08:56

I am currently super tired, love being at home with DD but she's going through a sleep regression and growth spurt so my sleep is very broken and I find it very hard to nap during the day. On top of this I had to take DD on a full day trip to attend an important appointment in London on Friday, so I spent the whole day travelling with her on my own. DH was away for work for 2 days so I was still on my own with her the day after our long and exhausting day trip. So basically I was really tired this weekend.

Dh wanted to go food shopping yesterday and whilst we were there I was pushing the trolley (and DD) and DH asked me to go get something from the other side of the shop. Since I was pushing the trolley and looking after DD I said he should get it himself. He got cranky and said he was going to make dinner and I wouldn't get any if I didn't get him this thing, I said fine. I unloaded, packed and paid for all the shopping and carried it to the car. Later on we end up having an argument and DH said that I was being a dick and that I was a dick. We have a daughter so I was very upset and pointed out that it was inappropriate to call me names in front of our child. I also asked him if he thought it would be right for a boyfriend or husband to call our daughter a dick when she's older.

He later on said I wouldn't get any of the dinner he'd cooked unless I apologised to him.

Eventually he said he wanted to move on from this but I'm still upset that he'd speak to me that way, and being petty by saying I shouldn't have dinner. I think he feels bad about it now but he's very bad at admitting when he's in the wrong, or was I being BU?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 24/02/2020 19:07

Where have all these penis worshipers emerged from? Ooops from behind the man haters. It is about fairness equality not penis vs vulva.
Both OP and DH acted like equal dicks.

ProgrammableMagneticStorm · 24/02/2020 19:35

I'm amazed that anything meaningful could be discerned from a cranky supermarket marital spat.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 24/02/2020 19:41

Both OP and DH acted like equal dicks.

No, they didn't.

MaxNormal · 24/02/2020 19:41

rom behind the man haters.

The man haters are the ones with such criminally low expectations of men.

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 24/02/2020 19:51

Imo your dh was the dick.

I presume he knew you were tied and he's had a lovely night away in a hotel as he's been away with work, he should have taken his dc shopping and given the op a well earned sleep with no distractions or interruptions.

To withhold food until you've apologied is just fucking childish at best and bloody nasty and abusive at worst.

Why is he not giving you a break on the weekend? Express some milk for him and put the baby in with him on Saturday nights.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 24/02/2020 19:55

To withhold food until you've apologied is just fucking childish at best and bloody nasty and abusive at worst.

Seriously, where did he try to withhold food? At worst he said she couldn't have what he was cooking. Unless that was the entirety of the food in the house or he'd locked up all other food he wasn't withholding food was he?

Why is he not giving you a break on the weekend?

When does he get a break? Reading ops other posts he works long hours during the week and then gas to do admin at the weekends so seems that he's working 7 days a week. When does he get a break?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 24/02/2020 19:57

Ooops from behind the man haters. It is about fairness equality not penis vs vulva.
Both OP and DH acted like equal dicks.

Yep

I'm amazed that anything meaningful could be discerned from a cranky supermarket marital spat.

And yep.

Patchworkpatty · 24/02/2020 20:07

Sorry but with a SAHP of one toddler , my expectations are much higher...

I would be heartedly fucked off that he hadn't done the weekly shop when that was all that he needed to do with ONE child , especially if I had had to go away for work for two days !

Yes looking after a sleep regressed baby is annoying but it's hardly the end of the world .. I did it with 2 under 5s before we stopped and swapped roles. Tiring but not the same as being at work all day .

GothamProtector · 24/02/2020 20:16

This is the bottom line for me as well.

The OP is a SAHM with one child.
There shouldn't have been a supermarket spat because she should've done it already.

Either on her own in the week or online if she's really incapable.

Shamazing · 24/02/2020 20:24

The holding dinner to ransom would piss me off more. He said he wasn't going to give you any dinner if you didn't obey him? Fuck that.

ghostlycurtains · 24/02/2020 20:26

The OP is a SAHM with one child.
There shouldn't have been a supermarket spat because she should've done it already*.

Bloody hell, harsh! I do a bit shop on a Monday but we almost always need to get more bits over the weekend.

iklboo · 24/02/2020 20:31

The OP is a SAHM with one child.
There shouldn't have been a supermarket spat because she should've done it already

Dh wanted to go food shopping yesterday - did you miss this rather relevant point while you were putting your boots on?

GothamProtector · 24/02/2020 20:34

No. But did he want to go food shopping because there was no food in the house?

....that's traditionally why I go. To acquire the food. That i don't have.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 24/02/2020 20:36

Well did he want to go.or need to go because they had nothing in?

If he wanted to go, why did op have to go with him?

iklboo · 24/02/2020 20:52

No. But did he want to go food shopping because there was no food in the house?

Nobody knows. Let's not all start with wild scenarios and making shit up.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 24/02/2020 20:53

The OP hasn't said how old her daughter is, which means people are filling in the narrative themselves about how unreasonable she is not to be doing the shopping.
A six week old who is EBF and waking a lot in the night for feeds, or an 18 month old who wakes during the night are quite different situations; the first means it's perfectly understandable for the OP not to be able to get her shit together to shop, the latter not so much.

GothamProtector · 24/02/2020 21:01

Nobody knows. Let's not all start with wild scenarios and making shit up.

Pfft that started a long time ago.

Shamazing · 24/02/2020 21:09

The OP is a SAHM with one child.
There shouldn't have been a supermarket spat because she should've done it already

Ah fuck right off now ...

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 24/02/2020 21:14

When does he get a break?

Every night when he goes to bed and has a night of undisturbed sleep, in a different room from his wife and dc. Plus he'd stayed away with work, which again means a night without waking - and yes, he may have had a late night but having an undisturbed night in bed after a grown up dinner is more of a break than the op got.

Where did he try to withhold food

So you think it's perfectly acceptable to tell your partner, who's already tired from lack of sleep because they've been doing ALL the night feeds, that unless she apologies you're not going to give her any of the food you've cooked? So add being hungry as well as tired! I'm glad I'm not married to you, your empathy knows no bounds

Quartz2208 · 24/02/2020 21:23

since when does a SAHP involve being a skivvy and doing everything else because the other person has a really important job

and how are we ok with the OP saying no and him instantly saying

He got cranky and said he was going to make dinner and I wouldn't get any if I didn't get him this thing

Now the getting cranky is fine, normal even. That to me is indefensible

Then the OP does everything else, then gets told she isnt getting the dinner unless she apologises and now says she needs to move on.

A lot of us have had the initial argument (and I agree that the 3 of them shouldnt be shopping together) when those early days break you and getting cranky is fine. But instantly going to punishment of a lack of food? She is a SAHP not a child. And also how is she being the drama queen, he seems too.

BAsed on an AS the baby is 4 months which would fit with sleep deprivation

GothamProtector · 24/02/2020 21:25

And again. How many times are posters on MN told to only make their own dinner when their OH is being a twat?

I'm not saying he was perfect.

I think they were both twats.

Plenty to go around.

EmmiJay · 24/02/2020 21:32

Haven't read the thread entirely so sorry if someones said this; you should have called him a pussy and that would be that.

Quartz2208 · 24/02/2020 21:34

I think the difference Gotham Protector is that in those instances there has either been a partner who wants something specific/has complained about food or does absolutely nothing.

I cannot think of one time a poster has been told to use it as a punishment to bring in line because they wouldnt go and get an item of clothing.

So if a woman posted that she had told her husband that she wasnt making dinner for him because he wouldnt go and fetch something for her that would be ok in your eyes because its still not.

Something can be appropriate in some instances and in others not. And in this instance going straight to that isnt

GothamProtector · 24/02/2020 21:39

I disagree. I've seen it be suggested for pretty much everything.

And like I said. I can believe that blame lies in both camps.
When recounting a story the teller usually glosses over their own transgressions. Which I can believe here.

Quartz2208 · 24/02/2020 21:51

Doesnt make it right though

But its like this quote

There are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each differently.